my experience... confusing

[tootsieroll]

Hi everyone, I am new here and am still in shock knowing that there are actually people out there that have this same fear and struggle with it as I have been doing for years. Ok The last time I threw up I was like 8 years old and I am now 18. I don't really know how I developed this fear it is almost like one day i was fine with it and the next there was know way I could tolerate it. I always had these periods in my life where I didn't really want to go anywhere or do anything because I am scared that I may feel sick and want to go home and start topanic thinking I may vomit. Everything was actually going great for about 3 years of my life I was out every day not worrying about if I would be sick or not (not that I would have let myself vomit, I was still scared of it, but had no worries) I still hated hearing or seeing someone vomit and would actually run away if someone said they felt sick. Then last Year I got pregnant, January of 2005, I had very little morning sickness, it wasn't bad at all and it was maybe once a week. Then in June my baby had died So labour had to be induced and I had to deliver. I managed to make it through labour without vomiting although i came very very close. but afterwards I went into post partum depression and didn't get help for it and it turned into clinical depression, I had nausea everyday and every minute it was so exhausting, still to this day I have no idea what it was from and I just feel really sad thinking about it because it just brings back such familiar feelings. This is over a year later and am being treated for my depression and was diagnosed with anorexia and I am well on my way with having that under control but yet I still have the nausea, mind you it is not as bad or even close to what it used to be, but know one understand what causes it. I am now in another one of those periods in my life where I avoid doing things with the fear that I may get sick. It is truly exhausting and sometimes I get to the point where I just wish I could throw up but then I get really scared because I don't want to. I just want to go back to living my life to the fullest and stay vomit free and I am really not to sure how I came out of this every other time and I was just wondering if there is anyone who was this bad like not wanting to leave there house due to the worry and than got better?? how was this possible. I am still finding my self very depressed due to losing my child and now the anorexia is that a possible reason to the nausea? I have horrible panic attacks when I think I may vomit and I try to resist taking anything for as long as I can but as soon as I gag I take a gravol and it has been working great so far.... any suggestions on what to do about the anxiety of being sick???[img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img]

[pino3321]

Well I can tell you this much a few months ago my mom had to the stomache bug and the night before she vomited I remember saying Omg my mom hasn't vomit in so so long. Next morning wake up and go get a drink and my grandmother goes Erin you throw up in the bathroom lastnight and I'm like no why she's like well someone did and I cleaned this morning I thought maybe my sister got alittle drunk and puked, well no it was my mom she was lying on the couch and she goes it's from me! I was like what did you drink to much and she's like no I have a stomache bug, how weird is that, thinking the night before how she hadn't threw up in so long, so the next 3 days I was on alert mode and stayed far away her, well one morning I started to feel weird and I was freaking out cause I thought I was getting sick with it, so I had the nausea and a lump in my throat and honest to god I swear I was sick, every few mins I felt like throwing up and I was panicing and I was walking around pacing in my house and everytime I sat down I'd feel so gross, and I kept thinking this is the real thing, I was so tired from being up the night before all I wanted to do was sleep but I couldn't calm down. Well I finally figured out it was all in my head and I wasn't really sick, the symptoms were so real I worked myself up so much i couldn't tell if it was real or not. I finally fell asleep and woke up fine. Your brain does this to you makes you think it's the real thing but it isn't! But anyways what helps with my nausea alot fo the times is soda, it brings all the air out of my stomache and then I burp and I do feel better, and not only that but walking around like outside or something is another thing that helps, and also when I have nausea I'll take alittle benadryl and it helps alot it's an anti nausea med not only allergy. Relaxing is the best thing you can do though you have find relaxing techiques like yoga or even exercising.Everytime I get the panic attacks I tell myself it will pass it's only anxiety it's not going to hurt me or make me vomit, you have to think positive in these situation cause negitive makes it so much worse. Please take care!

[stef]

hello tootsieroll (man i love those things, but they dont sell them over here in aus!!) lol anyway..

im sorry to hear ur not doing well and about the loss of ur baby.... my best friend just went through exactly the same thing three weeks ago and i know how hard it is (not myself) but helping her through every step of the way u must realy be so strong....

wit ur anxiety and feeling nauseous all the time and not wanting to leave the house.. omg that was ME a year ago.... i dont know wot happened or why it happened but one nigh i drank too much and v* for the first time in 15 years the next day.. two days later i woke up in fear and feeling nauseous again... the nausea went on and on , i had a bazillion tests and had to travel to different parts of the state to get half of them done cos no one cud figure out why i was so nauseous.... then i started to notice how i was so scared to leave the house wit exactly the same thought as u - that i was scared of being sick and not feeling safe in my own home.... i wasnt sleeping well i was always sweaty, shaky, was eating strangely and i was basically a hermit. finally i went to a psychiatrist and i was diagnosed wit severe depression and anxitety/panick disorder. i was on three stemetil a day (an anti-emetic) bcos i was so scared if i didnt hav it in my system i wud be sick cos i felt nauseous all the time. this was for about 6 months straight. my body is now pretty screwed up cos they were treating me for absoltely anything they cud think of - giardia, respiratory infections, esophagitus, gall stones, i cant even rmember them all but i rememeber being on over 12 different types of medication a day at one point. when i was seeing the psychiatrist she put me on some sleeping things and they were awes but cost waaaay to much. i was put on aropax (or paxtine) for my anxiety and that reeeeally helped me. 5 months later it wasnt the anxiety that was troubling me it was the depression, so im now on zoloft and i feel great.

let me tel u, that ur situation is an absolute mirror image of my experience, and as real as the nausea feels, it's not. i still, even a year later feel nauseous a lot particularly when im in public and i always keep my stemetil wit me, but i now know it is just the anxiety. it is all in my head and i now know how to handle it. ul find so many of us on this site fight these feelings of 'nausea' every day of our lives, but it realy isnt there. it is simply our heads, this phobia being allowed to rule our body. and it is realy hard, but i promise u you will learn how to live wit it. it is these times when ur realy struggling that will make u stronger. i thought id never be normal again but now im happy, iv moved bak to the big city, working again and doing psychology at uni!!! you will too, i promise....

are u on any medication???? hav u talked to ur doc??? it is a big sign of mental instability to be agoraphobic (not wanting to leave the house) and ur doc will definately assess that and get u some help.... it will be ok!!!!! we'r all always here!!! hope i helped u a little

[tootsieroll]

Hi again, Thanks so much for the replies, it is very helpfull to hear of other people who feel the same way about vomit as me, I mean for so long I thought I was the only one in the world who had this fear, come to find out, I'm not. I am seeing a psychologist for my depression but I was very stubborn and did not take any meds, I don't think it is wrong for anyone to take them but for who I am I just didn't feel it would be the best thing for me. I was reading about how a lot of people feel when someone else is sick, someone said they are worried that they will become contaminated with what they have, I am some what different... When someone has the flu and is vomiting I am more worried about hearing them vomit, I hate the sound of it, the thought and just the image I get thinking about it.. If someone is about to throw up I try to get away before they do, if I can't I lay in bed and cover my ears and hum to myself. I am not really worried about getting it because if I did I would not let myself throw up. Lately I have this thing where I don't like to eat chicken, I am always so worried that it is not cooked, one day I actually convinced myself that my chicken was uncooked (after I already ate it) and quickly developed all the symptoms of food poisioning except the vomiting, and everyone else in the house ate the chicken and was fine. It is so crazy what someones mind can do to them. I usually do not leave my house without gravol and a bottle of water... just incase. That alone I find very depressing because before I go any where It's on my mind like "I might feel sick so I gotta grab some water and a gravol" It is very hard to be so dependant on something. I hardly ever take the gravol though it's more just a security thing for me. I have some good days and some bad days, I have come a far way from just a year ago but still find myself struggeling with it. Is it normal to feel jealous of someone who can throw up with no fear? Does anyone else find there self asking a lot of questions, like if someone vomited recently or someone you no was around someone who vomited? I usually ask well why were they sick, or what did they do afterwards, just weird questions... Is there anyone who had this fear and didn't get over not wanting to vomit but didn't feel like the fear was a big part of there life anymore? if so how? There are only 2 people who know about my fear well not including everyone on here.. But my mother and my boyfriend know about it and are very supportive and understanding. I just recently told them and they didn't make as big of a deal as I thought they would I figured they would be like well just throw up get over it or something like that. well I am gonna stop with my story lol. but please keep all the posts coming in, it is great to hear from people I can relate to... finally. Thanks everyone, have a great day [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]