HELP, please

[chainfire]

Hi,
My boyfriend of four years has a fear of v*. This never caused much of a problem until a few days ago when I became s*. As I put in my other post, he is absolutely terrified. I have tried to clean and sanatize everything I came into contact with in order to ease his mind. However, its been over five days and he is still freaked out around me. We live together and he can't even look at me because he says he relives the moment in his mind. This is really breaking us apart. I really care about him and am tring to be as understanding as I can be, since I don't have the phobia. Now, what I'm wondering is if there is anything that I can try to "make up" with him. I'm trying to give him as much space as I can, but at the same time I just want to comfort him and help him to get through this. Please, any help is greatly apprciated! Has this happened to anyone else?

[kate1966]

Wow, now that's pretty bad if he won't even look at you.....it sounds to me like he needs some therapy....not trying to sound mean or anything, but if he can't even look at you and he's still freaked out after 5 days...then he needs to seriously consider some professional help..

[tojohn]

I do have emet and had a similar experience.


One new years eve my girlfriend was visiting and we were "ahem" intimate and within just a few minutes she became very s*.


I totally freaked out and couldn't be in the same part of the house with her. I was comepletly useless,not able to comfort her or help in any way. I didn't even ask her to stay and on the way home she had to stop and be s*. Afterward I washed until my skin was about to come off and sprayed lysol over the entire house.


She was royally pissed (who could blame her) and then told all her friends and co-workers what a bastard I was. I can only tell you I'm sure your boyfriend cares a great deal for you but right now he's scared to death. Please give him some time to calm down and continue to be patient and understanding. I think he's a lucky guy, and it could be worse, just ask my ex-girlfriend.


By the way after all that my girlfriend was s* for a week I never got it .Don't ask me how.

[cmatijevich]

I think you should just give him his space right now. I don't think you need to "make up"...after all he isnt mad at you....just scared to death right now. I was the exact same way the first time i saw my husband get sick and he just gave me the space i needed and i came around when i felt comfortable again. You may not see it...but being understanding is helping him a great deal. If you continue to be so understanding you may be able to help him get a little bit better about this phobia.

[ladymoonlight]

I know how bad it is to be an emetophobic because I am one myself. Its good that you are so understanding and caring about your boyfriend's fear. It is also good that you are not scared of v* because I couldn't imagine a relationship in which both parties are emetophobic! I need to be with someone who is not an emet because I need someone there to be strong for me if I am ever ill or afraid.


Luckily my ex was pretty good (even sat with me the last time I was s* and did all the clearing up!) and my boyfriend seems ok - he works in a pub and has had to clear up after people who have v* so I don't think he has a problem with it. Luckily I have not v* the whole time we have been together (over 2 years)


I think you need to give your boyfriend space but also let him know you are there for him. It seems extreme that he can't even look at you - I mean if my bf was s* I'd freak out pretty bad but I wouldn't stop loving him or not want to be with him. I'd just feel terrible that I couldn't be there for him to rub his back and hug him when he was feeling so bad - I'd probably have to go out of the house and leave him to it.


A few months ago he was a bit s* (not very much) and I didn't want to kiss him or cuddle him for ages (he didn't tell me he'd been s* until later that day. It wasn't a bug, it was the fact that he'd been eating too much Ben and Jerry's ice cream and then had a coughing fit which made him a little bit s*. I felt awful as he still came to pick me up from work and didn't tell me anything about it until much later on.


I remember going to Ireland on the ferry with my ex, he got really, really badly seas* and I felt so bad because I was too freaked out to help him at all! The poor guy was really really ill, he just couldn't stop v*and I couldn't even rub his back or get him a drink or anything - I just blocked up my ears and turned away from him. I was feeling seas* as well and when we got off the ferry he had to do all the driving (about 30 miles) and go and get me some food and everything even though he'd been s* and was still feeling awful, because I was still freaking out. But I didn't feel that I couldn't look at him. I freaked out and felt awful for a long time but I was still worried about him and my main feeling was one of guilt that I hadn't been there for him when he was so ill.


Perhaps your boyfriend is feeling like this - perhaps he feels bad that he couldn't be there for you when you were ill. I think he needs space. you could also offer to go with him for some counselling to help him over this bad patch. you obviously really love him to come here and be so understanding - a lot of people wouldn't be.


I hope everything works out for you.Edited by: ladymoonlight