13 Years Old, Not Too Happy

[battousai]

I'm new here as you can tell ^_^ I just turned 13 a few days ago, and I've had emetophobia for as long as I can remember. The youngest age I can remember is around three. I loved the show the Rugrats, but in those few episodes where someone was sick I'd always run behind the couch, put a blanket over my head and plug my ears up. My mom said that when I was really little and would spit up I'd start crying uncontrollably for a long time. Then when I was four my little sister came... ugh. She spat up ALL THE TIME and I was pretty much traumatized. Thankfully, when I was at preschool no one was ever sick around me. Then when I was five I stopped going to the preschool and started at a school grades TK all the way to 12th. I just remember one day at lunch time, a kid a few seats away from me was eating pizza and then just v* everywhere. I had a panic attack (didn't know it was that at the time though) but I wouldn't let the teachers send me to the nurse because that's where the sick kid was. Anyway there's been other times where my sister has gotten sick in the car, and I COMPLETELY freak out, I even tried jumping out of the car once. Thank God I failed. My family doesn't get sick that often with stomach stuff, but my mom has IBS, and I'm just happy D* doesn't bother me too much. I think that third grade was probably the worst year up until the past one. It was 9:00 AM and I was just sitting at my desk doing work, when I heard a kid in my class choking out the teacher's name. I turned around to see him v* all over the place... I didn't even think about it and before I knew what was happening I had jumped up and run out of the room and to the bathroom, where I sat for forty-five minutes, waiting to be sure that they had cleaned it allup. Anyway that's really the only times someone has gotten sick at school where I could see. My sister gets sick the most often in our family, and I usually end up sitting in my room for days with my bottles of hand sanitizer.


Anyway, the past year has been really really bad for me. I've had five relatives die, four of which I was close to. A few weeks after the last death, I started getting frequent panic attacks (at least 6-7 every day), usually for no reason, but most often in public. Now this part of everything has gotten so bad that I hate leaving the house for any reason,when I used to practically beg to go somewhere all the time. All the anxiety from panic disorder makes me feel sick a lot of the time, and usually that means n*. I am completely petrified of v* or anything to do with it. If someone even coughs a few times, I immediately look for somewhere to run to. To make things even worse, I get motion sickness really easily. I just got back from a week long family vacation earlier today, and the roads were exceptionally bumpy there. Every time I'd get in the car I'd feel sick, and whenever we went out to eat it was horrible. The first day was the worst because I didn't know what would happen. I stuffed my face with a three-course dinner, then got in the car. It was NOT fun. About five minutes later, I was feeling incredibly bad. My dad being a very aggressive and fast driver doesn't really hep either. Then I got that dreaded feeling you get just before you're actually sick... I begged my dad to slow down and pull over but he just told me 'It's all in your head, you're fine, get over it.' Yeah right. A few seconds later he did have to pull over when my stomach decided it had had enough. Not fun... The rest of the week I'd eat a little bit of bread and salad, order something, then bring it back to the hotel and reheat it. Reheated fries with no ketchup aren't the best, but taking the food home sure beat the alternative. On top of all this stuff I just feel generally bad all the time. I mean at least 3/4 of the day. School starts back in four days and I have no clue what I'm going to do! I can't afford to miss school a lot. I have REALLY high standards for my grades and stuff, and so does my dad (anything less than an A is unacceptable in his eyes. I can deal with a B

[sage]

Hi - welcome to the site.


The symptoms you describe are very common to children with anxiety disorders, so don't worry that you're particularly weird or anything.


I would suggest that you go to the Treatments section of this forum and print out the paper on a sticky post at the top that's called 'INFO TO GIVE YOUR DR. OR FAMILY'. Then give it to your mom and dad, and hopefully they can get some help for you. It sounds like you're really suffering and that's really sad. Don't worry there IS help and treatment for this phobia, and for your cutting, which is related to the same thing.


Hopefully your parents will be understanding once they read about this disorder and that it's real and you can't just "get over it", as your dad says. (He's saying that cuz he's worried and wants you to be "normal", but I know it sounds unsympathetic.)


All the best to you!

[michelle01]

Hello, i am michelle and i am 18, first of all let me tell you reading your post brought tears to my eyes because i was exactly the same at your age. I was an A grade student and i just couldnt get out th front door incase somone sick. I would also cut myself an get myself in such a state, luckily my mom is extremiliy supportive an know alot about phobias. I spent most of the years in my secondary school either in a support center at school, or work at home. I have been there, all i can say is with expereince over time and through tough time strengh comes. When i was 13 i was such a reck but now i can handle it abit better an you start to learn how to deal with things. i still deal with self harm and panicks an emet but trust me it will get better. i am sure your dad sees you far more important than grades.


If you ever need somone to talk to about anything i am always around. keep strong


michelle x

[kes3237]

I'm new to this site as well and I can relate to a lot of what you feel. Obviously, I also have a lot of anxiety about v*. When I was younger - in high school, mostly - I also cut myself. Only a few times, but it was a very awful feeling. I also then felt so much shame and embarassment after doing it - like I must be a total freak. You are definitely not alone in how you feel. Cutting is actually pretty common in those with anxiety and/or depression. It is a way to make your pain "real" - or physical - so that you can understand it better or deal with it in a way you know how. I never told anyone about the cutting because I don't think my parents would have been understanding. I'm not sure if you feel like you could talk to your parents, but I would try. I think it would help you a lot to have a counselor or therapist to talk to. Is there a counselor at school you could talk to? I know that it probably feels like there is no one that will take you seriously or they will think you're crazy, but you might be surprised. Choose someone you can trust - your parents, preferably - and tell them what you're feeling. Tell them you think you need help to learn how to deal with your feelings. I know you feel alone, but A LOT of people feel these same feelings. Even sites like this will help - if it seems like there other people to talk to. Even your anxiety about v* is a legitimate fear - any good counselor would recognize that. Anything that causes you extreme anxiety is real and legitimate. Even though you will probably always have this fear, there are definitely ways to learn how to deal with it to some extent. For example, you're nervous about starting school... could you talk to your teachers about your anxiety? You don't need to go into detail with them, but perhaps you could just tell them that you've been dealing with a lot of anxiety in your life and maybe you could set up ways that would ease your fears a bit - like sitting by the door, or being allowed to just leave to use the bathroom without having to ask... things like that. I am a high school teacher and I know that I would want to help any of my students if they were feeling this badly. I think it is very important that you find SOMEBODY that you can talk to about this... there are even phone numbers that you can call to get advice or information.


Edited by: kes3237

[nobodyknowsit]

Hello! I swear the first part of your post sounds just like me! One time I was watching Rugrats and I ran in another room and kept my ears closed and hyperventilated the whole time because I knew what was coming. As far back as I can remember having emet, I was three. I am 16 now and just yesterday we were on a road trip and my sister didnt feel well. She told me she was tired but I knew by her face what she was really feeling and started to panic. She confessed later on that she said that so I wouldn't freak out. My mom was never supportive of my fears. She tries to rationalize with me and from what I've heard, you can't rationalize with a phobia. She said everytime we go away from home everyone has problems. Then she said we're a bunch of chickens (and started clucking).


I started cutting around 13 and I still do it occasionally. I think it's partially because of the household I've grown up in. I'm very depressed living here..well, that's a story for another post. Anyway I know where you're coming from and at this point I am very determined to get rid of this fear for life because I can't goon like this.


For the carsickness, maybe you can take an anti-emetic. I've been trying to convince my sister to take one but she doesnt want to..so i'm a little stuck myself. I've never taken one myself, but they supposedly work..I haven't flown since I was a year old and plan to take one just as a precaution before my first flight, whenever that will be.


Anyway, just hang in there. If you work for something, it'll come to you sooner or later. Maybe you should find a doctor (if you don't already have one) who can help you manage your anxiety, and even your phobia. Good luck and feel better. I'm still recovering from yesterday myself!


Sorry I couldn;t help much.


-Rebecca