anyone tried desensitising?

[katiepool129]

Hi all

I had been looking at the site a while ago and saw the desensitising thingy on the treatments section and told my councellor about it and he thought it sounded like a good idea so long as i did it properly. I only looked at it once until last night, i only got to pic 13 or something b4 i wanted to stop the 1st time (i was on my own doing it) so i went back and told my councellor and he suggested i did it with someone so that i could talk through my feelings about it etc. So yesterday afternoon i gave it another try with my b/f by my side. My target was number 20. But i found with scotts support that i got alot further that i thought i would. i got to number 41 i think, doubled my target, i was doing it until my anxiety was no longer there on each picture b4 i moved on, there where some i scrolled into slowly like the picture of actual human v* and i thought i'd have to stop my anxiety sky rocketed but i took a breather, talked to Scott about it and carried on until i could see the whole thing and i just sort of looked at it for ages until my anxiety dissapeared. Anyways, i got to a stage further than that i totally freaked out when it was a real person real v* ing and i took a we peep but had to close my eyes straight away and say thts enough for today. Think i id pretty well though and i'm seeing my councoller today so i can talk to him about it and next time i'll try to get to be able to look at that last pic without anxiety.

Just wondering if anyone has looked at all those pictures yet? How did you manage with the last one because Scott looked at it and described it and i don't ever see myself being comfortable with it. The other thing i waswante to talk about was the one underneath for therapists, exposure therapy. Where theres real videos etc and things like jackass. Before my emets got bad, about 2 years ago, things like Jackass i wouldn't have wanted to watch anyway so i think thats a step too far for me:S Not sure if its just my emets trying to protect me or if it's just me really not wanting to see something like that despite my emets. I get conflict like that with drinking alcohol, do I not drink it anymore because of the emets or would i not anyway? My tummy gets realy sore drinking anyway, my brother gets that too, so would i not drink anyway even if i didn't have emets? I have quite strong views on drinking.

Anyway, this has gone on longer than i thought it would, any comments about any of the above would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks
Katie

[glitta_fairy]

Wow that's really good- congrats! I'm up to 38 I think but too scared to look at the graphic ones! But it's been good for me I'm finding it easier to realise when I'm starting to panic instead of it just instantly setting in. And I can think a bit instead of just completely losing it straight away if that makes sense.


I used to be confused with drinking as well- I didn't know if I just didn't like alcohol or if I didn't drink it because I was scared I'd get sick (I v*d once from being drunk). Now I know it was my emet...and I can drink again and enjoy it because I know my limits.


Anyways, you're doing great with the pics hun! I don't know how we're going to get to the last one- I guess I'mjust going to take it slow and work myself up to it...


Kayla

[randomshiz]

I'm going to *try* the pictures, but I'm definately not ready to do it now! Once I have things more under control, though, I really hope to be able to do it.

Good luck!

[christianne]

Hi there!!

I've looked at those pictures when you follow the link on the "Treatments" forum and I cannot get past number 39. All the ones before it are fine, but number 39 makes me shaky and horrified!
Good job on getting to 41---that's a HUGE step!!! You should be proud!
Take care!

[sage]

hi guys,


I put that site up there, so let me explain: first of all, if you're stuck on a particular number it means that you really didn't have your anxiety level at 0 when you were at the level before. You may be just "white knuckling it" through the later levels. I want you to take your time and really really LOOK at the picture, and let yourself FEEL your feelings. Explore them, listen to your body. Let yourself be sad or angry or afraid or whatever. FULLY PROCESS through all these emotions until you feel 100% ZERO anxiety, not even a little tweak...before you move on to the next one.


I was successfully treated using pictures, etc. like these...but I was only ever able to look at one per week! I never would have gone through several in one day.


See if this method is more helpful to you, and remember that everyone will be different.


Good luck!

[glitta_fairy]

Sage, I've been doing one every couple of days or really whenever I feel no anxiety at all and feel bored bythe one'sI've seenso I can move onto the next one... But I'm now up to 40 (the picture of vomit) and am finding the idea of 41 really daunting, even though I am honestly fine with the one before it. I don't think there are any unresolved feelings over the other pictures or anything, but it's a big leap to make for me. I guess it's because the next one sounds so lifelike... I pushed myself to look at the ones before it (gradually), and I can look at them now with a normal heartbeat, and no scared or anxious feelings- I just can't stand the thought of moving onto the next one...

[katiepool129]

Hey,

I've talked this over with my therapist and he said i was doing fine. I'm not pushing myself but i am not rolling over and giving up either. My therapist suggested doing it with someone else and with gentle prompting. I do not feel i have gone beyond my capabilities and am happy and comfortable with where i have gotten to. My therapist said i might not even need to get to the end, the fact that i have confronted and dealt with what i have so far might be enough for me. I found it a good way to deal with my feelings and explore them. Often i'd find that the image i had in my head was 10 times worse than when i looked at the real thing and it wasn't so scary after that.

Anyways, just thoguht i'd say that

[kenni]

i've been viewing them for 2 weeks and am at pic 23. I haven't felt too much anxiety at least until i got to the pumpkin. i think i'll be able to handle pic 43 in approximately 10 years.

[happyteacher]

I most certainly have!


I worked with pictures for over a year with my therapist and now I've moved on to movies with v* scenes. In fact, I placed the scene in "Saving Private Ryan" at the top of my heirarchy and I watched it this week without anxiety! I'm going to be moving on shortly to real videos as part of my therapy.


I feel very proud of myself!


happyteacher

[lianaismadchill]

i got to the last picture which is funy beause i skipped the pictur tht was a close p of v*...the last pic is weird at 1st...but now i laugh at it...it honestly want as bad as they make it sound...its just spraying...& if i think it isnt bad it must not b bad because im insanely scared of seeing v*

[sage]

kenni - lol - it won't be 10 years. But I know what you mean. When I went through treatment, I had to watch one video 100 times. Honest to God - 100. It was from
"Stand by Me" and it freaked me out so much it took forever to desensitize to it. The 99th time I recorded just less than 1 on a scale of 0-10, and the 100th time I laughed (the point of the scene!). I also laugh every time I see that last pic now too...what a bunch of idiots!


Oh - I'm going to go look at 41 for ya, glitta....and see what's up with that and whether it's a stretch...

[sage]

WARNING: GRAPHIC


Okay, so I checked out 40 and 41. 40 is a picture of vomit, and 41 is of a girl vomiting. I understand that it's somewhat of a leap to really see vomit coming out of someone's mouth for the first time in a picture. But honestly, when I look at them, 40 is much more gross. It's a close-up, and it's absolutely disgusting. If you have no problem with this one, then the actual vomit in the next one is far less gross - it just happens to be coming out of her mouth. I think if you've come this far, just grit your teeth and click on it. Your anxiety may spike up, but it will come down quite quickly and you'll feel like a champion. Then spend a lot of time with this picture - it should really help your anxiety overall!

[glitta_fairy]

Thanks Sage,


I'll check it out when I haven't been thinking about it too much first-so I don't get the whole build up of anxiety. My boyfriend described the picture for me, then heldup my laptop with the picture on it from a distance, so I could just see fuzzy shapes, and I knew I wasn't ready for it then... But I think I was overthinking everything, and I might be able to handle it now.


I love Stand By Me!! It's the sweetest movie... But I'm not up to watching that scene yet, except the first time I saw the movie and no-one warned me what I was in for lolit'sso graphic!! I can't believe you had to watch it 100 times! [img]smileys/smilies_10.gif[/img]

[kenni]

I remember watching Stand by Me, even without warning I knew to not watch that scene because for an emetophobe, all eatingcontests are bad. I also steer clear of drinking contests or when people pay an immature guy to eat something gross, like bugs. They always end up with v*.

[new.slang]

I've looked at all of them and for me, it's allloooot different seeing a picture than dealing with the real thing: sound, smell, germs. But- good luck everyone.

[missminty]

hey i was wondering about the site for a while. What are the first few pics like? Are they cartoons or pictures? Im afraid of going in and giving mselfa shock! Also is there any kind of writeen warning bfore each pic so you know what to expect? Just wondered! x

[missminty]

Ooops just read the sticky post bout this! please ignore my last comment!

[kenni]

Are nightmares a normal part of exposure therapy? I've been working on the pics for a while now, and finally made it past the pumpkins with no anxiety. Anyway, I made it to pic 34 with my dh by my side giving me moral support. But 34 about gave me a panic attack.


**May be GRAPHIC**


Anyway, last night I had a nightmare about vomit. I was getting into the cab of a truck and my husband's friend was back there, throwing up out the side. I couldn't see it but I could hear it, which is just as bad for me. Then my dh tells me to get in the cab even though I now want to take separate vehicles. He tells me I'm being a baby so I get in. Then as we're driving the friend miraculously appears in between us in the cab. I start screaming, "Pull over!!!" because I can see the vomit still on his friends chin. Then after he pulls over I start running as fast as I can.


I then woke up just shaking with fear. I wanted to pace but I was afraid of waking up my baby. She's cosleeps and nurses a lot at night, and she wakes up if Momma's not cuddled right with her. So I just had to lay there afraid of sleeping. Is this a normal part of desensitization? Does the nightmare mean I'm going too fast and dwelling on emet? Or does it mean my mind is facing my fears and this is a good sign?

[glitta_fairy]

I think you're dream means you're feeling like you're being pressured to move too fast for yourself in overcomingyour emet.


I dream about vomit all the time-and it definitely doesn't help me... Sage said it's important to work at your own pace, to go gradually, or you can actually become worse. Nightmares are your brains way of making you face your fear head-on, which isn't neccessarily a good thing. Having said that, though, I have had dreams about vomit which have made me feel better about doing it... It might just be that you're finding the road to recovery (I'm using the fact you were driving on a road here) confrontational, and want to run away.


Maybe you should go back and start the pictures again, and move more slowly through them. Is anyone pressuring you to recover faster? Maybe you need to confront them about it. My advice is to slow down, maybe have a break for a few days, and then try again. And don't try to rush- just do everything at your own pace.


I hope that helps! Good luck hun!! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]


KaylaEdited by: glitta_fairy

[kenni]

Kayla,


Thanks, I really feel like what you said rang true for me. I think I have been rushing and wanting to get over emetophobia because of some pressure from my dh, and mostly from myself. I feel like I have to be cured by the time my baby becomes a toddler. Things will be harder when she stops spitting up breastmilk and starts throwing up solid foods. I am going to start over just like you said and take a slower pace, like I was doing before. My dh suggested to me that I should just"dive in the deep end"and go for it, and that goes against the keyword, gradual. He meant well but didn't know better. I doubt that people with arachnaphobia go from looking at a picture of spider web to letting a tarantula crawl on their face.


I hate vomit dreams. I get them a lot too but this is the first I've had in a long time. I really feel like the road analogy is true for me. So at the end of the dream I started running away from it, which is my mind telling me, "Take it easy, you're not ready for complete exposure yet and that's okay." So I'll stay away from the pics for a couple of days and come back braver than ever. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]