Grudges

[moosey]

Kinda Graphic


On a field trip in 10th grade the kid in the seat ahead of mine didn't tell anyone that he was feeling carsick until he vomited on the seat, aisle, and someone's backpack. I ended up having a major panic attack and shut down for the rest of the trip.


End Graphic


Since that day I couldn't stand being around him, not because I thought that he'd be sick again, but because I was so mad at him for not telling anyone. I ended up confronting and full on yelling at him more than a year later. Do any of you hold grudges against people that are sick near you?

[kellybean]

I don't know if I hold grudges against people who are sick near me cause that's never really happened to me *KNOCK ON WOOD*, but I do know that I hold grudges against people forever!

[californiagirl]

You know, that is very interesting that you post this, because I myself feel "weird" toward a person who I had to witness be s*.


I don't know if it's a grudge or not, but I feel different, like they become a "depressing" site to me. i wish I didn't feel this way, but I can''t help it.

[glitta_fairy]

When I was in year three (so around 8 years old), a boy in the year above me vomited in front of me. Like half a metre away from me... Now 11 years later,I see him at my local pub sometimes and I definitely hold a grudge. He tried to come and dance with my group of friends and I was pretty rude really lol. I don't usually hold grudges against people for anything-so it's quite strange I still feel like this about him. But I do feel like that particular incident scarred me more than alot of other times I saw people get sick(sorry if that sounds melodramatic lol).


But anyway, my point is that yes, I do hold a grudge against him, and it's like 11 years later! It seems so stupid, doesn't it?


This is the way it happened though: *graphic*


I was bending down on the floor to get my school bag out of my cubbyhole. I'd just been to the canteen to get my meat pie for lunch, and was looking forward to eating it (lol)... The guy and his friend came out of the classroom, and his friend goes "What do want to do today?" and then the guy threw up HEAPS all over the floor! And I was on the floor! I ran faster than I ever had before, and had a panic attack. Then that night I had the worst nightmares.I do find it kinda funny that he did it right after his friend asked him what he wanted to do that day though lol


Sorry for going on! [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]


Kayla

[moosey]

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who doesn't feel the same around people that have done it. I only get really angry with people that I think could have done something about it, like him asking for a bag, or people who knew that I was afraid of it and tried to set me off on a panic attack.

After the first boy got sick I moved to the back of the bus to be far away from where he was sitting and from the spot on the floor. I ended up sitting with one of my friends in the very back of the bus. We went through about half an hour of construction and rough roads an hour later, and he ended up asking for a bag. He let me know when he started feeling ill, and made sure to get a bag just in case, so even though it sent me into panic mode, I didn't hold it against him. I was huddled against the partition in the back seat, shaking and trying to ignore everything with my headphones on, so I'm not sure if he actually got sick or not. Later on he apologized and said he felt really bad for what I had to go through because of it. Because of how nice he was about it, warning me, asking for the bag, and apologizing, I was actually a lot closer with him than before. It's sorta odd.Edited by: moosey

[kristin1980]

oh i DEFFINATELY hold grudges against people who dont tell me they are sick or kind of like your situation.. so i completely understand what u mean..


Sorry it had to ruin your day.. i hope you are feeling somewhate better now!


sorry that had to happen but your not alone..

[confusedgirl]

I'm so glad to see this post, because I totally do this, and it makes me feel like such a jerk!! Whether they tell people they are feeling sick or not, if I know someone has v* (recently, or in some cases, ever), then I feel weird around them. Like, I kind of look down on them :/ and I don't mean to, and it's sad - because I have v* before and I know I wouldn't want to be looked down on if I do it again. But it's hard for me to respect people who I know have v*. Last year, my sister had a sv and v*, and even though I wasn't around at the time, I couldn't speak to her for at least 3 days. My whole family thought I was being so mean, but I was really angry for no reason at her. There's people who went to my elementary school, who I am still sort of friendly with to this day, but who my clearest memories of are the times they v* in class. And I remember them that way, along with other things. Like, I'll remember their names, their hobbies, the times we hung out, the activities we did together, and that one time they v*. It's way up there in how I remember people by. And my earliest memory of my sister - ever - is of her v*. She was probably a year old, or younger, which would make me like 3 (and I don't think I really became emet until I was 11! But I guess I have had some of the characteristics my whole life) I honestly think that memoryhas hurt our relationship some, even though I have never told her that. I wish I didn't act this way - or I knew how to stop - I acknowlege that it's not a good way to think... but I can't stop the thoughts from entering my head when I see someone who I have a memory of v*.

[kfitz]

Confusedgirl- Oh my god i feel exactly the same, i only want to be friends with people that rarely v* as i feel safe with them. I dont mind them v* if its alcohol induced-thats fine because i know its not contagious. I dont like to think of them ever getting SV's because it may sound weird but it puts me off them. My boyfriend of a long time, this week got an SV-all his mates have it, about 11 of them and it keeps getting passed on. I havent been near him, even before he started with it, as we dont live that close to each other so im not worried about me. But i feel really disappointed and angry because he was my 'safe' person and now im distraught he caught this horrendous thing. He said he had d* and was v* for a day and now his mum has got it. I know this will sound really bad, and i feel so ashamed for thinking it, but i dont know if i can stay with him after this. Help!

[breezie]

Oh yea. I won't even go near a person if I saw them V*. it makes me feel bad but I honestly can't help it. Gotta look out for yourself.

[christianne]

Hi there!!

Saw this post and just had to reply---I was just thinking about this and feeling like a total jerk because I do the exact same thing!!! I feel so much better that I'm not the only one.
A good friend of mine caught some kind of sv* not too long ago and was very ill with it. Not to mention, she seemed to enjoy giving me all the graphic details about it (how nice for me!). Anyways, this was a couple weeks ago and now she wants to go out for dinner--needless to say I've been avoiding her like the plague and even kind of think of her differently. Almost kind of like I don't want to hang out with her right now and feel uncomfortable about hanging out with her in the future.
I'm hoping this will pass with time, but I'm so glad I'm not the only one who does this.
Gosh, I felt like the biggest jerk!!!

[rubysoho120]

Yeah I think we may all have this problem..it makes me scared it will
happen if i have kids...my bf...whom i love sooo much got sick..more
than a month ago...now i dont know if was from dehydration, sv or
what...but he didnt even expect it...and lemme tell you Im still not
over it..i didnt want to be near him, and i secretly resented him...i
felt so horriable for being mad and hating him for it... im still
slighlty scared of him...like if he coughs...or says he doenst feel
good i become distant and scared. I mean i love him so much, like i
want to marry him..but things have gotten hard because of this all.
im a dork. but i do love him i keep telling myself this will
pass...right?

[fornever]

I hate it when people v* around me... that's icky... But for some
reason I freak out the worst towards family members... If my sisters
get sick, I won't sit next to them for like, a year. I feel so mean,
but i cant help it!!

[missminty]

I totally do this. I get mad at people for getting sick (especially my little sister coz sheused to doit all the time). It sounds awful but i just feel like shouting "control yourself" and i always feel so disgusted with them aswell. Weird, but pretty natural for an emet i guess!

[crimgoddess]

Do you think that your reaction to others being sick relates to your own fear, and even strengthens it?


For instance- the predominant mode of thought in this thread seems to be that people *should* know when they are going to vomit, take appropriate precautions, and that it is somehow irresponsible on their part if they are ill in public. So, if this is how you think of others who are ill- does it make you feel it more because you think that people will think of you this way if you got sick, or if they were with you when you were sick?


I know for myself, my fear revolves around others being ill- but my focus is on the situation- I don't really have any ill-will to the person because I figure it's not like being sick in public (or in general) was really their first choice. But I also don't really have amy fears of being sick in public, because I know that it's not a common occurence- nor would it necessarily be something I would be able to prevent.


So, do you think that viewing people who are ill in a negative light affects your fear, because you don't want others to view you in the same way you view others? (yeah, I know that is a mangled sentence, lol)


*amber*

[moosey]

I don't hold grudges against everyone that has been ill, even if they do it near me, as long as I feel that they couldn't help it. The problem I had with the one boy is that they had asked everyone at the start of the trip to take a bag if they ever got carsick. There were tons of black garbage bags just sitting around and he didn't even try to get one. I'll avoid a person that has been ill no matter the circumstance, but I don't hold ill will towards them.
I think that the part that bothers me the most is that if this person didn't feel the need to tell anyone and just got ill on whatever was nearby, then there could be a lot more people out there that are like that. I'm more afraid of others being sick and of the actual vomit so it's horrible to think that people are just getting sick wherever.

[glitta_fairy]

Crimgoddess- I totally get what you are saying- I've thought the same thing myself sometimes... If I get bad feelings toward someone for vomiting in front of me, that must mean they'd feel the same if I vomit in front of them. But's then I think...That'sSO not true!!Non-emets DON'T look down on us or hold a grudge if they see us vomit- because it's not an issue to them. So it's completely irrational for me to worry about it...! But of course I still do...Everything about thisfear is totally irrational *sigh*


I remember a few years ago when I used to smoke and I had too many ciggies one night, and was dehydrated,and I dry-retched in public...andI couldn't stop because I keptsaying "sorry" over and over in between retches to the friends I was with,so much so that Icouldn't breathe... One of my friends finally had to shut me up and tell me to breathe and that it was ok- and then instantlyI stopped retchinglol... I think it's just the whole "fear of rejection" thing.


Kayla

[glitta_fairy]

Actually, I just wanted to add my mini-triumph relating to this- I went out last night, and saw the guy that vomited in front of me that I spoke of earlier in this post... And I thought 'This is SO ridiculous... It's time to get over it.' So I spoke to him, and had a bit of a dance with him, and just let it go. It made me SO MUCH feel better about the whole thing!

[twilightrose]

That's great, Glitta_fairy. I'm so glad you got up the courage to talk to him!

People think I'm weird because I won't talk to an aunt of mine, partially because of an experience with her I had when I was maybe seven. She was supposed to be coming over to visit and when she didn't show up we worried, until my mom got a phone call from her. She turned to me and said, "Well, Catharine won't be coming down today. She's at a gas station throwing up." I couldn't face her after that.

Obviously, there are the awkward monthly phone calls when we can't tell whether or not she's sober that make it worse, but I absolutely cannot talk to her or be around her anymore.

Same with an old coach who had an sv and came over to tea and talked about it, in graphic detail. I couldn't really stand being around her, smelling her perfume, or even sitting in the chair in which she'd sat when talking about it. Luckily, we moved soon after that, but it really changed our relationship.Edited by: twilightrose

[laylamommy]

I definitely have all those feelings...the disgust, resentment, and the anger. It makes me feel so bad that I can't rationalize these feelings away!

The person doesn't even have to get sick in front of me. If it's someone I'm close with and they get s*, I totally feel different towards them.

I think that's the entire reason that me and my younger brother never got along when I lived at home. When he was a kid...he would NEVER tell people when he didn't feel well. If I tried to do my normal "50 questions" he wouldn't even answer them. Once he was sitting on the couch and just v* right in front of me...on the floor...without any warning. He was clearly old enough to get to the bathroom, or warn us but he didn't.

I used to always call my younger brothers "sicky" and then gauge their responses to see if they were or not.

I was close with my other brother until an incident that happened when I was pregnant, where he came to spend the night with me and he started acting funny...so I started asking him the 50 questions. He said he wasn't feeling well but assured me it was NOT his stomach, he did not feel N*, and he was not going to v*. Well, I took him home anyway and as soon as I pulled up in my mom's yard he opened the car door and... [img]smileys/smilies_15.gif[/img] I freaked out and jumped out of the car and started Beating on my mom's door...it was 11:30 pm, as soon as someone opened the door I screamed "He's sick" (crying hysterically) then got in my car and drove home. Took a shower, sprayed the apartment down with lysol, and panicked for the rest of the night!!

I still can't get over that happening...and he doesn't come to my house anymore.

[wackydeli]

I actually don't get feelings of resentment, even though reading everyone's posts, I can completely understand why they would be and agree with everyone. I'm just not the type of person to hold grudges usually so I guess I don't in this situation, either.

Maybe for a few days after they're s* I feel a little iffy about going near them, but I get over it pretty quick.

[lyntess]

It sounds awful but i just feel like shouting "control yourself"!

I feel the same way. If we emets can go years without v*ing, it's frustrating when people in general behave as it's no big deal-- like instead of being a traumatic and infinitely PERSONAL function (like using the toilet for expulsions of the nether-end), it's something they don't mind doing in public.

Haha, grudges... I had a silly experience recently that made me ABSOLUTELY sure I hold grudges against people for v*ing. I frequent another website that's not phobia-specific, just an online community really. A bit of blogging, a bit of news discussion, all sorts of stuff. Anyhow, this one member wrote in her blog about how she'd been on a plane trip just recently for her sister's wedding.

Now, I guess she gets regularly travel s*. She knows she does, but she doesn't take any tablets for it (WTF!?). She also waited until she was feeling VERY s* to even bother looking for an airs* bag, and claimed that no one in her ROW had a bag, so she "had" to get s* in the aisle on the floor. WHAT!? No, no... wait... WHAT!?!?!?!

The grudge bit, though, is rather silly. Every time I've seen her in a thread since reading that blog, I have had to restrain myself from launching into a bitter diatribe about how she should have been more responsible and how completely inconsiderate and nasty and pathetic she is for doing such a thing, etc etc etc. I KNOW this is an irrational response, but daaaamn, is it strong. I am genuinely ANGRY at someone I have never even met, because she v*ed on an airplane.

[SimplyMe]

I don't hold grudges about it but I will feel the person is "tainted" for a while. Even if it I didn't see it happen. If I hear a friend has recently been sick, there's just this feeling about them, not a lesser feeling or that I don't care for them anymore just a kind of v aura if you will lol. Its weird.

[harttride]

No i dont know of any grudges i've held.Well maybe my mother, but not really a "grudge" grudge. More like "keep away from me", sort of thing.

Simplyme, I have that feeling too,I get that v* aura thing ,lol. I also feel uneasy around them for a while. I think that maybe they might do again even if it was a while back that the v*ing happened. I remember when my little alsister used to get cars* alot when i was younger, i would keeep away from her for awhile, i didnt feel comfortable being around her , and that was sad for me to do because she was so young and i was the only one she had to play with and watch over her at times. And i know that she only got sick because she over heated very easliy.I do, however,get a bit upset at ppl. who constantly keep talking about v*ing around me .Edited by: harttride

[ziegfeldgirl]

Oh I DEFINITELY hold grudges against people who have been sick around me. I know for the majority it's not their fault, but I still cannot stand the sight of them. I have severed numerous friendships, including a bestfriend, solely because they were sick in front of me. However, I do have a friend now who has a very very weak stomach and she v*s all the time, but never when i'm around and she'll tell me if she is sick with something i can catch, then i'll avoid her like the plague. suprisingly, I have been able to be friends with her and I'm very pleased with myself, i think it's signs of progress! She also keeps an eye out for sick kids and such for me when we go to the mall, which is considerate of her. Kind of got on a tangent there!

[emeticpotion]

i resent anything or anyone that may have given me a stomach ache or
"the fear." but i mean, i usually get over it.


like, at christmastime, my girlfriend insisted we eat at a jamaican place in
her hometown and i said, i don't know, i don't know (1. scared of being
away from home and 2. restaurant i don't know or trust) but i was
convinced and obviously, i had terrible indigestion and a v* attack (that i
fought hard to prevent, emotionally and physically exhausting, i didn't get
sick) and then a panic attack, and i resented the whole situation for
months.

any time anyone i know is sick, i feel like i hate them for being so stupid!
which is ridiculous, because they're not and i know that.

i can't help accusing people of being sick because they want to!

[alycat27]

I definatly hold grudges. I have stated once or twice in a few threads about how my sister was a frequent plastic bag toter in the car and how she would get so anxious she would psyche herself out and make herself get sick. Even during a freakin ten minute car ride. Even if we were going to a hairstyle appointment and the appointment wasn't even FOR her, so she had nothing to stress about. I hated riding in cars with her. I still do in fact. I mean she has grown out of it mostly but she still has to sit in the front most of the time, which was another thing that annoyed my brother and I. We never got to sit in the front and if we did, we couldn't enjoy it because old barf face back there would ruin it.

Another thing that gets me, is my mom does NOT listen to me. My son has lived in Hawaii, Northern California, Guam, and been on a long road trip from California to Missouri and the only time he EVER gets car sick is when we go home to visit Maine (the windy, bumpy rodes)and only then when we drive to Augusta. She ALWAYS takes the bumpy, back roads because she says it is quicker. I constantly tell her that he is not used to the windy roads and that we should go the longer way so he doesn't get sick. Does she ever listen? NO! It's always"Oh, he will be fine!" and then of course, we end up having to pull over and clean up the backseat [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]


I would so hold a grudge against that chick on the airplane. I could understand if there were no sick bags all the way around and if she had run to the bathroom and they were full and had no other choice, but I would run to the bathroom with my hand over my mouth before I would do that in the aisle.

I soo get that telepathic vomit sense as well LOL you just kind of sense these things. Then sometimes I will hear someone start to cough or hear someone say their tummy hurts or something and then my husband will start talking to me and I feel like saying SHUT UP! I am trying to ease drop so I know if I need to panick! Which doesn't make any sense because you would THINK I would want to be distracted in case "IT" happened but that is just how I am lol

[daily417]

My bf knows Im an emet and got sick from drinking...I was in the bedroom and he went in the bathroom and didn't even close the door. I told him if he ever did that to me again, I'd be really angry. I know he felt awful, but it still really upset me.

[rentaduckie]

i hold a grudge against people if i know they could have
prevented it. most recently a girl got carsick on a conference i went to, and i had offered Dramamine to
everyone and she knew she had a tendency to motion sickness and didn't take any. that kind of thing really
bothers me. however, if someone doesn't feel well because
of something they ate or because they are ill, i don't blame
them. i avoid them like they have the plague, but i won't
feel angry.