I am a new member here and I am very glad I found out that I am not the only one who fears and obsesses about V*. I am so thankful to make new friends and discuss ways to beat this. I must admit I feel very n* right now. It's mostly anxiety from reading a lot of the details in the discussion. I feel like crying now because this is all something I can relate to. I read that some people have closed their eyes when they v*. I v*d in April from something ( not sure if it was food or sv) but I was shaking and crying and I shut all the doors near me because I didnt want my boyfriend to hear me or see me. He is NOT squeamish at all and he said if I needed him to let him know. The last time I v*d before then was maybe 5 years before. It is very rare and I freak out because I feel like it's something serious when I do end up v*.I hate when I get sick because I don't want to gross anyone out. I even carry ginger candy with me like crazy and have brown paper bags in my purse in case I am ever sick and can't make it somewhere in time. I hate this and I want to end this!! Isn't there a way to be hypnotized from this. I have some other things that help me with my anxiety with v*. I rub Vick's on my chest. I think the cool feeling calms me a bit if I get n* at night in bed. I hate this damn phobia and I want to conquer it. I have also felt a slight grudge against people who v*. I hate people who v* in public or when I see v* on the ground or on some reality show, I cannot eat all day and I feel sick all day. It takes me hours to not dwell on it anymore. If people are sick and tell me they have been v*, , I just stay away from them and I feel mad or something like " how dare younearly give me this!"I know that if I am v*, I don't want anyone around me. I hardly ever v* but always have come close many times in my life. My biggest fear is to v* in public!! I have been at work many time feeling so queasy and scared and just want to run out and hide somewhere. I have left my job 2x from feeling like I was going to v*. When I got home and rested the feeling passed. I just can't imagine the thought of v*ing in the workbathroom and my coworkers to hear me. I would hate them for not leavingme alone and walking in and hate me for getting sick.There is so much I want to say but I thank god for the internet and to be able to communicate with ALL of you. I look forward to your advice, support and friendship.
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