Daring to try

[stormchaser97]

Hey, um.. new here Been a weird week for me, winter season bugs and scary stories from my friends about dumb relatives from cruise ships bringing unwanted "guests" to thanksgiving, knowingly having them. Anyway, all this has got me thinking about stuff I've beenpretty good atavoiding until recently.


Myfear seemsto beof my phobia now,moreso than the act/sight itself.My biggest fear is not ever being able to live with another person(bad experiences with roommates in college, lived alone ever since) and having to spend the rest of my life alone and never have kids. I think it's a lot to ask to put up with all my b.s. and me leaving the house for a few days if anyone got sick and not helping or caring for them when I fully expect to have someone be there and take care of me if ever get sick again. Then what kind of horrible mother would I make, or morning sickness, but what a lousy parent I'd be if my kid was crying for me and I passed them off to Dad, or Grandma, and what if no one else is there? I've seen women on here who have kids and are with someone. Any tips? I don't even try and date and I don't have it as bad as some people seem to, it kinda builds and fades in strength over time and during certain seasons and situations. I'm a total romantic and I don't want to be alone forever, but that what I see happening even though it looks dismal it looks really comforting too...

[laneyb]

I think you just have to take each day as it comes, I am the same as you in that a have good times and bad times depending on the time of year.


I am lucky to have found a guy who is very understanding and looks out for me, mind you it did take me years to tell him about my emet. The silly thing is once I tiold him he said it all made sense, silly things Ive done and said and freaked out over.


You will meet someone and you will know when its right to tell them, if you dont get to that point it may be that hes not right!!


As for being a parent I havent gone down that route and dont intend too, I love my 3 nieces and nephew but Im just not "a mum". You only have to read the many many posts on here from mums who absolutely love their children and wdnt be without them. If you really want to be a mum you will be, and you will cope if and when the bad times occur.


Laney xxxx

[dolce930]

I completely understand your fears, b/c I have the same ones. There is someone out there who will be understanding, however you dont want someone who will not challenge you on the issue. It only enables you further. My boyfriend is very helpful and understanding, yet he pushes me to get better.yes it can cause disagreements sometimes, but I know that it is what is best for me.


Advice: be honest up front about your fears.If you make it non-chalant, there is no need to hide it and whomever you are with can either choose to deal with it as they are exposed to you more or not. I tell everyone about it- I simply say some people are afraid of heights, I am afraid of throwing up. I know it is not a big deal to most people, but to me it is HUGE. I will even joke around and say that I know that I am a weirdo, but hey, thats me! Do I get a lot of questions? yes.But ir is alot easier than trying to hide it.


I worry about having children for the same reasons. There is anti-nausea medicine out there for morning sickness and I just hope and pray that my motherly instincts kick in when I have a sick child- either that or my husband!LOL We have already made a future agreement- Ill handle the poop and he'll handle the puke! Another tidbit- I have read that most emedophobics dont actually vomit often.


Are you afraid of catching the stomach vruses or you just cant handle seeing, smelling etc. Think about what your "real" concern is. Personally, mine is catching it. If I know someone has food poisoning for example and its nothing that I can contract? Then I am okay( as long as I dont see it)- but if it is a contagious virus??? I am miles away in a heartbeat!!!


Take Care,


Courtney

[glitta_fairy]

I totally get what you mean. Right now I'm more scared ofmy phobiathan actual v* as well. I'm scared of what my phobia has and is doing to my life- which I guess is what you're going through too.


I don't expect people to put up with my s*** either- but they do. I've lived with my boyfriend for awhile now, and he's incredibly understanding about my emet. I've said to him before that it's too much to ask for him to have to put up with the panic attacks and panicking that I'll have a panic attack, and avoiding v*, and ALL my craziness[img]smileys/smilies_31.gif[/img]- but he just accepts it as a part of me, and encourages me to take steps to overcome it. I really don't know what I'd do without him- he's helped me so much.


You are worthy of this kind of love too! Please don't avoid it because you are scared. Fear is so destructive- you have to fight it and just say f*** you I'm going to live my life anyway- with or without this phobia.


As for kids not everyone wants them but if you do then you'll find a way to deal with anysickness that comes your way because of them. Just read the posts from mums on the board- every mum on here is AMAZING!!


Have you started therapy for your emet?


Kayla

[kasey]

I totally get what you mean. Right now I'm more scared ofmy phobiathan actual v* as well. I'm scared of what my phobia has and is doing to my life- which I guess is what you're going through too.


I don't expect people to put up with my s*** either- but they do. I've lived with my boyfriend for awhile now, and he's incredibly understanding about my emet. I've said to him before that it's too much to ask for him to have to put up with the panic attacks and panicking that I'll have a panic attack, and avoiding v*, and ALL my craziness[img]smileys/smilies_31.gif[/img]- but he just accepts it as a part of me, and encourages me to take steps to overcome it. I really don't know what I'd do without him- he's helped me so much.


You are worthy of this kind of love too! Please don't avoid it because you are scared. Fear is so destructive- you have to fight it and just say f*** you I'm going to live my life anyway- with or without this phobia.


As for kids not everyone wants them but if you do then you'll find a way to deal with anysickness that comes your way because of them. Just read the posts from mums on the board- every mum on here is AMAZING!!


Have you started therapy for your emet?


Kayla


I have never thought of it that way before...Wow, what an eye opening experience for me...I too am more afraid of my phobia than v*.


Thank you for that...Now I have something new to tell my Therapist.

[kasey]

Sorry...I did that wrong. Redo:


I have never thought of it that way before...Wow, what an eye opening experience for me...I too am more afraid of my phobia than v*.


Thank you for that...Now I have something new to tell my Therapist.

[tree1211]

Stormchaser


I understand how you are feeling. But as others have mentioned there is someone out there that is capable of loving youdespite your emet. It is a difficult phobia to have, but you have to remember that NO ONE is PERFECT, NO ONE, so just because you have this phobia doesn't mean that you should be alone. The key is finding someone who is understanding, and willing to work with you. And being honest about your issues and feelings. I believe that you can have that.


I have been married for 13 years, and I can tell you right now that I could not make it this far without my husband. He knows about my phobia, and all that comes with it. We also have three kids and you know what I use to consider myself a bad mom because I CAN NOT, be there when my children are V*, but guess what they adore me and it always makes me cry to hear what my kids say about me, because although I am not around for the v*, I am ALWAYS there for EVERYTHING else. I hold them when they have fevers or anything else, the v* is only a very small part of a childs life. And I over compensate for everything else. I never EVER break a promise, I talk to them and encourage them, I love them hard, with everything I have and Kids WILL see that and love you anyway. My kids are older now 16, 15 and 10, and they know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I LOVE them more than ANYTHING, and they now understand my phobia. But they love me anyway.


I never thought growing up that I could have that, just like you but it is possible. My husband is not an emet, but he has his issues too. Maybe not as bad, but nobody's perfect. This phobia is hard as hell to deal with, but my family makes it worth it. I never v* once while I was pregnant with any of my kids, I did have some n* with my third one but I survived and they are so worth it. I said all this to say that YOU ARE WORTH IT TOO, don't be afraid and let this phobia deprive you of that. If you need to talk I am here for you. I did try some counseling when I was younger but unfortunately it didn't work out, but maybe it will for you if you haven't already tried that.


No matter what, you are worth that, with your emet's and all. Please believe that. I've had my ups and downs but in the end it is all worth it. Trust me


I am here if you need to talk, as well as others on this site.Edited by: tree1211

[jaimeanne]

what kind of horrible mother would I make, or morning sickness, but what a lousy parent I'd be if my kid was crying for me and I passed them off to Dad, or Grandma, and what if no one else is there

Wow, I never thought of that part of it...I don't have kids yet, we tried and I misscarried, he wants to try again but b/c of morning sickness & fear of not being able to take care of my sick kids I'm afriad too...

My sister and all my friends w/ kids say "you just get through it" I'm hoping they are right, I guess some day we'll see right?

As for living w/ someone, it's not all bad, yea sometimes they do get sick and obviously that's the hardest part. But it's not everyday. It's not even every month.

If I were you I would give it a shot, you might find it's not as bad as you think.

I would be detered to live w/ someone after *assumably* drunken college roomate, but as adults that kind of thowing up rarly happens....

Give it a shot!

Good luck!!