I know now that I have this phobia... but it didn't surface until I was about 18. After eating at an Italian restaurant, about 4 of us were sick that night. I remember pacing around, pleading with God to make it go away, just holding it in, and then finally getting sick in my mom's laundry room sink. It was pretty scary, and I hated it, but was also a little relieved that I "had done it".
From that day on, I was a germophobe. I washed my hands every chance I got. I could remember every "bad" surface I had touched that day, and if I had washed my hands afterwards. I would count the hours after I had eaten until I felt safe that it wouldn't make me sick. I especially stayed away from foods that I thought could "turn", like a cold salad with mayo, or any kind of cream sauce.
I really got pretty wrapped up in the fear. Then, all got quiet for a while and I was able to behave relatively normal. But, as soon as I had a twinge of nausea, I would get that fear again. I can't count how many nights I have stayed up, just waiting for "it" to happen again.
A couple of years ago, my husband found the name for this fear, and I was amazed that there were other people out there with the same problems. On one site, I read that most emetophobes could trace their phobia to an adolescent or childhood experience and I started to think back for mine...
I remembered that at around 7 or so, my grandfather was going through treatment for lung cancer. The family was all over the house for a party one night, and the cousins were all asleep on the floor of the living room. Then, all of a sudden, all the grown-ups started running through the room to get my grandpa into the bathroom. He was getting violently ill, and it was loud, and to me, very scary. No one really talked to the kids about it, and I don't know if anyone else except myself was affected by this incident. I think now that I could have used a little reassurance and extra security to be able to deal with this scary thing. But no one knew, or felt, that this was a traumatic event.
I only remember getting sick once as a kid, and I was about 6. The next times were at 18, at 26 and then at 31. I oftem feel like I am living under a doomed cloud.
Anyway, I now work in a preschool, and I go through waves of fearful times. I am super-alert to any of my kids feeling sick, and I just wait until I get it or my children get it. It seems inevitable to me that someone will get sick, and I live in fear until the danger passes. Right now, I am "hanging on" 'til Christmas. I just know that I will get a stomach bug, or someone in my family will give it to me and my kids.
My husband is getting tired of dealing with my fear, but he is very understanding. He wants us to go on a cruise one day, but I know I will be scared the entire time of getting that "Cruise Ship" bug. I wish for nothing more than for this fear to go away forever. I pray that day will come... and for everyone else here too. Thanks for reading!
Welcome to the International Emetophobia Society | The Web's Largest Meeting Place for People With Emetophobia.
Reply With Quote
