End of my teather with this

[mez2602]

Hey all,

Have been a member on here a while , my emetophobia started when i was roughly 7, although talks with a therapist thinks it may have started before then.I dont want to blame my parents but from a young age whenever i or my brother were s*** my mother in particular was very dramatic about it - probably because she wanted to reduce the mess we made which is understandable,however i may have picked up a different message.However i do think she has some issues of her own as she is very hygenic in the kitchen and will always overcook stuff and often tells me to cook some things 10-20 minutes longer than they say- especially meat.

I am scared of both myself being - blimey i dont even like typing words that are less scary then s*** and v******* , as because my family tred quite carefully around me they use other words to talk about s*** and v**** , which i am now finding scary in themselves.
Anyway i am the both myself being ******** and others being ******** too . In the past my phobia only came up when someone said they were or felt s*** , it was not a phobia that affected me daily , only whenever the stimulus was there.

However after a incredibly traumatic plane journey -which entailed me spending the entire 8 hour flight in the galley with incredibly sympathetic air hostesses, in order to avoid another passenger , i am now much more nervous about flying .

In addition thanks to the outbreak of that thing beginning with N earlier this year, i am now affected by my phobia every day ,i have nightmares in my sleep , dont like going out and worry for the next 2 days that i may have caught something , i dont like watching the news,i have developed a bit of an OCD thing and act as if everything is infected,i constantly worry about where my family are,who they mix with , incase they get it -although i know i cant control their lives,therefore i just have to deal with it which i find exhausting. When i do venture out , if i go anywhere near other people i feel contanimated and have the urge to shower ,the other week i had to go to a night club and actually did not shower before (like normal people would) but showered when i got home.

I am worried that this is getting completely out of hand , however i also feel justified in my behaviour as my fear of getting the N thing is not irrational in my opinion as people still seem to be getting it . It worries me that i do no see my fear as irrational. I just wish i had another fear of something else, i mean in a way my fear is a way of protecting me from catching stuff and therefore benefits my health (in a way) , whereas a fear of something like buttons - has no benefits whatsoever ,and if i had a fear of buttons i would probably see the behaviour as irrational.I actually have another fear but it is nowhere as extreme, i have a bit of a thing about swimming pool drains , which i know is completely irrational ,but i still go in pools and swim near-ish them,you'd never get my to stand on one or swim very close to one - i think its the noise they make or something!! anyway

I just wish i could kick this , as not wanting to sound too cheesy , but i am the happiest person i know in every respect other than this , i really love life and i am aware that we only have one chance at life and i dont want to live it being restricted by my mind.Im not that keen on children however i would at least like the option!I am a very caring person, however could never care for a s*** person or even venture near a hospital- my phobia has caused me to miss out on my grans final days - something that hurts me so much and is as raw even 4 years on.

I think i am ready to change as after having this phobia since i was at least 7 (i am now 23) , i am angry and frustrated at myself in addition its getting me down.

I have tried CBT but to be honest despite the sessions ending with me feeling positive , as soon as the stimulus in there - either literally or just people talking about it, the las

[musicmaam]

Hi Mary,

I'm glad you found these boards, because there are tons of supportive people here!

Feel free to vent always - I'm quite certain that nobody died of boredom!!

I had a similar experience with therapy - it was nice to talk about it, but even watching it on TV was way up on my list of scary things. I managed to watch a few scenes several times, but cried afterwards and felt totally re-traumatized. I wasn't progressing either. So I know how you feel!

Welcome

[allypally.]

Hiya Mary hun,

Ive just sent you a friend request from facebook. I would really like to be able to help support you and be there for you. I totally sympathise with how you are feeling, as Ive been ther too. I am still an emet, but i am a hundred times better than i used to be, so I would like to be able to help if I can? I used to be exactly the same hun, and now only feel that bad a few weeks a year (touch wood!!) lol. I also missed out on my aunts last days cos of the fear, so I understand exactly how youre feeling. One of the last things my aunt asked for was me. I will never forget that and am determined i will not let that happen again!!

My fear afects me every day, but only mildly most days, and I live for the day I will be more cured than I am. I would love to know what your CBT involved as I would like to try it myself. Hypnotherapy helped me a lot, but I know it doesnt work for everyone.

I havnt been in a plane for 10 years!! lol. So well done for at least being brave enough to do it!! I just tend to make excuses!! lol. I will be trying it for the first time later this year and am pretty scared, but I have a great partner and I hhope he will help me through! I just decided I didnt NEED to fly anywhre, so why stress myself out about it.....just dont do it!! lol. Guess im a chicken!! lol.

Anyway, im here for ya hun, stay strong, it does and can get better,

Bug hugs

Ally xxx

[mez2602]

Cheers for the support guys x