why im feeling bad

[Jenneh]

hey guys. i wrote this yesterday and im basically copying it into here so that you people who have kindly emailed me asking whats up can read it here and i wont have to keep repeating it. u may not undertand it because i wasnt planning to write it here... but its the jist of why things have really got me down recently.





Went to see Catherine today. I told her about the episode yesterday where we had finished watching the psychotic man film and my mother decided to follow suit and go a bit mental herself. I told her how I’d managed to snap her outta it – by reading off a newspaper article and asking for her opinion on it. I told her how I nearly slapped her wen she was beginning her scaring thing again. I’ve told her all of this before, at different times when my mother has been playing her games. but this time, it felt different telling her. I felt lke I wasn’t telling her, just to get comfort and support. I was telling her to get advice on how to get out of this horrible situation. She said shes going to talk to her manager about it – because she needs to know how to help me and get me thru this. She said that shes not going to call social services and shes not going to do nething without my permission. Thankgod. But she did say that I have to seriously think about moving out. With the social services support of course. And I am seriously thinking about it. I am. Its just the way Catherine said that its not “ the typical mother-daughter relationship” and “even me, who’s not an anxious person, wud find that scary”. She also explained how that people may have different perspectives on it, people may say im just being OTT, and its just a joke; but even if it is a joke, its not a normal thing to do. She said, shes worried for me, and shes worried for my mother. Because there must be something disturbing her inside her head for her to do things like that. Which is true. But I know my mother, shes not gnna accept NE help, and I certainly will not be the one suggesting to her that she needs it. So I don’t even think that is an option. Thing is, shes happy how she is, why shud I disrupt that just because it wud be better for me? I need to sort out in my head the advantages and disadvantages of moving out. I mean, I’ll get financial support to make sure I have a place to live e.t.c but its gnna be so different. In a way, I’d really really love to go. I’d be safe.

[terified girl]

Sweetie, Just hearing you talk about that stuff is scaring, I wouldn't want to live with it either, even if it only happens once in a blue, its too much already.


If social services say they are going to help you financially, maybe they will even help you with school, you might have to get a part time job, but hey, you can do it.....


I'm 24 and have been living on my own for 3 years now, I love it beyond loving it, and I could never dream about living at home anymore.


Really look into this financial help because if there is a way then it would be so wonderful for you.


From what you just said I don't think you're being OTT, your completely right.....


Be strong and hang in there, something good is bound to happen.

[2jo2]

I know where you're coming from, not that I experienced this same thing, but coming from a household that had problems, and wanting to be in a nice, safe place but thinking of the other person, the person thatis wronging you, not wanting to disrupt their life, before you think of yourself. I know how that is. I don't know why we do it. I still have issues with it, thinking should I have done something about my problem, but then again, if I had, that person would be in a bad place while I would come out better. I'm thinking of you. I don't have any advice, just support.