Sinking Defeat.

[NCsmile6]

Hey guys!


Remember me? I'm not surprised if you forgot who I was because it's been a while since I've lastposted! And once again, I'msorry for that! I have been in over my head with school. This is my first time taking 11 hours in one quarter, and while that may not seem like a lot, it is for the quarter system!! (8 hours is considered a full time student at my school.) We go for 10 weeks as opposed to the regular semester system, so we have to cover a lot of ground really really fast. Anyway, even though 2 of those hours are from my art class, it’s still WAYYYYY too much for me!My education class requires so many papers to be turned inand so much work that I wasn't at all expecting. (I am required to observe 20 hours in a high school Spanish classroom, since I want to be a Spanish teacher. The 20 hours field work is spread out over the next five weeks, four hours a week.) This, not to mention the field trips to an elementary school, a middle school, a private school, and a high school that we have coming up in class and reflection papers due the class after each trip, are just a few of the many things I have to look forward to in the next few weeks. Plus a gigantic reflective paper on my field work that is due at the very end of the quarter, worth 20% of my grade. Not to mention tests! Alongside that, I am taking math. And am a horrible math person (Simply Me knows!) I suck at math!! So I am taking the very very very very beginning course in math, and I’m struggling in that as well! I failed my first test and am already behind in work and quizzes! I have a test coming up on Thursday and do not understand the material it will be covering! So, I’m drowning right now in work and stress! I am sorry to sound like such a first class whiner/weenie/wimp/drama queen/whatever else there is! There is just so much going on right now and again, I feel like I’m drowning.


Anyway, I am meeting with the lady in charge of students with learning disabilities/ special needs next week because I am having so much trouble keeping up with everything in school. I talked to each of my professors and my doctors and have told them each what is going on, and they agree that seeing that lady would be helpful and perhaps provide some clarity on what we should do to make things easier for me, perhaps give me a life boat or something! (I tested for a learning disability in math when I was in the 9<SUP>th</SUP> grade, and I think I need to be retested along with that.)


[b]Anyway, I've been so overwhelmed with that and everything else. (As many of you know, my OCD has been sky rocketing to impossible levels for the past couple months. Well, it's only gotten worse.)! I let the OCD and anxiety consume me, because I can’t yet fight it like I am supposed to. I recently went to my psychiatrist and he prescribed me Respiradol to try for the weekend. Now, I have tried almost every medicine in that class before, and haven’t respondeded at all well to them, when I was first diagnosed, but my doctor was convinced that since I was only 13-15 at that time, and I am now 19…almost 20, it’ll have a different effect on me this time since my body has “matured”. So he put me on a low dose of Respiradol, and that once again proved unsuccessful. I was dizzy, nauseaus, tired, the works…and I couldn’t function the whole weekend. I didn’t get any work done. I just slept most of the weekend, I felt so crappy. I know that you have to tough it out through the side effects to get some results, but I am a

[terified girl]

Well that was quite a read but it was not boring at all so don't worry about that.... but just reading what you went thru put in panic along with you, I would have reacted the exact same way, and I know you feel lousy about quitting instead of staying and fighting, but remember my words, you are at least in school, I registered and everything, and still couldn't go thru with it, so I think YOU should be proud of yourself for that.


You had a setback, get back up, and keep going, make us all proud!!!![img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]


Take care!


Sonia

[NCsmile6]

Awwww Sonia,


Thanks for your fast reply!!!


I know I have to brush myself off and get right back up again...and I will make you guys proud! It's really hard though because I feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper and about to hit rock bottom with the OCD, and now the emet had to pop in and give me it's regards! GRRR!! Frustrating! [img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]But what is this phobia if not frustrating, right? It's all a constant battle!! OCD, anxiety, emet, etc.They all are trying to get me down! But I have to get back on the battlefields and keep on fighting it, right? Not going to let them win!!! Someone has aquote in their signature on here that says "If you are going through hell...keep going." I'vealways liked that quote. Anyway,I thank you again for your reply and for understanding! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[Galadriel]

Hey Neha!


You poor thing!!! I am SO SORRY you had such a horrid time. Believe me I know where your coming from!! Sometimes it does get overwhelming, and its hard cause if you get behind a little, it takes a long time to catch up! Im so sorry that they tested that med on you like that, I totally agree that now is NOT the time to go thro that trial and error that can wreak havoc on you.


I want you to know you are NOT a wuss, you are fighting a lot of things right now, and college is hard enough in itself, let alone along with having emet, OCD, and panic attacks added to the mix!! You can bet if anyone else knew the hell you are going thro, they would be amazed at your strength. Sometimes I think we dont get enough credit, because just because these things are on the inside it somehow makes them not as important.


Im very proud ofyou for sticking thro that class. I know that is almost impossible to do when your having a bad emet episode. It can be sheer hell! Sadly people think its nothing or shrug it off, but we know different than that.


Hang in there Neha!! The semester won't last forever, and I agree going to see that lady is a good idea! Sometimes its that boost that you need that helps you set things straight again.

[mbs730]

Neha, please please hang in there, I am sure things will
get better for you and thank you so much once again being there for me
when I needed someone to talk to. Again thanks for the compliment,
really I mean that but I dont feel very good about this. Yeah I v'ed
twice on Fri night, I survived it but I am still just as much of an
emet as before Thanks so much for being there for me though.



Miriam

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[sarahx]

Awww neha... Its so horrible wen something like that happens and puts u right back to square 1, or it feels like it anyway. ut at least ur goin to school and doin it, i had to quit my college course after 2 lessons. I didnt even tell my mum or anyone for a few weeks after, they thought i was goin [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img] i felt like such a failure. but hang in there, u are such a strong person, anyone will tell you that. I just know that you can beat this!!!!


Sarah xxx

[Jenneh]

Neha ---- (((hugs))) i love u so much girl.. that does sound lke pure emetophobic hell.


iv been in that situation SO many times at school and it never seems to get any easier. iv learnt to take tic-tacs and gum into my lessons, i dont care if i get told off, it helps with my nausea tht much more.


iv been wondering where uv been, im sorry last time u IMed me i cut u a bit short -- next time i promise we will have a chat.


u were very brave to get thru that - no wonder ur poor body is tired -- i think it needs lots of chocolate and TLC when u feel ready to do that.


its good ur mum was there for you to pick u up -- but i dont think u were running away AT ALL -- if u were running awy u wudnt have kept going in that lesson! u tried so hard and it was so brave of you.


please try not to be scared to return to school, if people do ask why u were all shakey maybe u cud just tell the truth " i suffer from panic attacks sumtimes" i mean -- they're mature arent they? its not lke they're gnna laugh at you. or say u were hypoglycemic (didnt have enough sugar in ur blood) tht makes u shake and be pale e.t.c


id better go hun but (((hugs))) for my brave girl.


Jen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[sage]

Hi Neha!