ooh I am SO mad and I feel so stupid!

[mbs730]

Listen I need to vent once again, sorry to bombard
everyone with all of my venting that I have done since I have
joined.... but I must do it this time again... guess what its about
this time... yep the wicked witch of the west, my SIL!!!! I really
really thought my family had woken up about what kind of evil person
she really is, and have come to accepting it even though they KNOW she
has done nothing but hurt all of us, yes including me! Well I come to
learn that my parents plan to take my brother and SIL out for a nice
expensive lunch and have them over for the day. Not that doing that
matters to me since I have to work in the morning then I have plans to
see an old friend that I had bumped into the other day that I knew from
elementry school. However its the principal of it that angers me more
than anything. Here she basically put us ALL under stress, stole from
my parents, insulted ME after I offered something invaluable to her
just because like a fool I felt sorry for her since she did something
that had HURT herself and she had to possibly face the consequences,
stupid bimbo that she is.... you name it, it goes on and on and on.
Then my mother in particular keeps making one excuse after another for
her, treats her like a princess STILL, and it just infuriates me to no
end... so after my mother told me this news, I'll tell you how the
conversation went... I obviously cant remember every word of it but I
remember enough and this is the way it basically went..



My mother said "oh by the way I know you are not going to like this but
your father and I will be taking your brother and Andrea (my SIL) out
for lunch tomorrow at (the name of the very expensive restaurant) and
we plan to have them over tomorrow afterwards" then I said "oh
thats great, I cant believe you are doing this, after what that broad
has done to you, to me, not to mention how horrible your son has been?"
then my mother said "hey listen we are doing this to keep peace and I
dont want to lose my son, and I am going to force myself to like her
and please her, if you were smart you would do the same for the sake of
peace in the family", then I said "yeah sure if you want peace you can
be polite and nice but going all out, spending money and being overly
nice and being kicked again and again, my gosh you haven't learned and
not to mention, not a very wise idea for taking them out to that place,
think of the money you will be losing because you know she is going to
v up that expensive lunch! (yep I had to throw that in there)" then my
mother said "ahhh I see, well what is really behind this is you feel
this way about her because she gets sick often, well you know its not
her fault and that really is unfair of you to feel that way about her
because of that reason, and besides I know this is a phobia of
your's but you know its a normal part of life, you did it last
weekend remember?" then I really started fuming. I ignored that comment
she made about me being sick last Friday night. Then I said "have you
not learned anything from that booklet I handed to you? I thought you
did and NO that is NOT the only reason I hate her. You KNOW that too
and why do you make it sound like that is the ONLY reason? But as
you know YES that is one of the reasons I cant stand her, in fact it
magnifies the other horrible qualities she holds!" then my mother said
"that isnt fair for you to judge her for a reason like that at all"
then I just couldnt help myself and I said "well you know what mother,
life just isnt fair isnt it? I dont think it was fair that I was
treated like crap by you, my MIL who I NEVER have never bothered like
your daughter in law has bothered you, I have always stayed out of her
business, my husband when I had the PPD after my daughter was born and
here you are treating little miss pukey like a princess as usual, you
are the MIL and you are treating her like gold... I wish I got that
treatment from my MIL like that and the ironic thing is, I have never
done an

[mystikal star]

I'm so sorry. I feel rather stupid for replying, but I just wanted to tell you that I did read this whole post. Unfortunately, I'm not good at giving advice, but I'm sure someone here is. All I can offer is a hug. ((hugs))


Take care hun.

[e-lizabeth]

okay, Miriam, you're not going to like this reply but I'm going to say it anyway. You really need to get over this stuff with your sister-in-law. She's part of your family's life, whether you like it or not, she's about to give birth to your parents' grandchild and your children's cousin, not to mention your niece or nephew, and she's not going to go away. Every time you respond like this to your mother about your SIL, it'll only serve to drive a further wedge between you and I don't believe that that's what you want. So as much as you may hate her, and as much as you may think it's for very good reason, the only thing that responding like this will serve to do is make you feel even worse in life, and as emets and anxious people, don't you think we already feel bad enough without adding extra stress?


I'm saying this for your sake. Please carefully consider what I've written. Though we get to choose our friends, we do not get to choose our family and even though that can be really difficult at times, it's up to us how much of a burden we make it.....you can't control how she behaves, but you can control how you behave and you can even control how stressed it makes you feel.

[Jenneh]

hey Miriam -- i sympathise with you for having such conflicts in ur family -- as i do. But i know keeping peace is surely the best thing that can be done in this situation. im not saying YOU ahve to keep th peace, but you have to accept that its what ur mother has decided to do. youy want to be civil, she wants to keep peace, probably because as she sed herself, she does not want to lose her son, which is completely understandable.


i know ur angry, and heck, u can come on here netime to rant. but unfortunately, this is smthing thats completly out of ur control, andso maybe you could work with urself and disassociate from it somehow, say " no what they do, is not going to affect me nemore" i know its hard. but its possible.


Jen xxxxxxxx

[mbs730]

Damn right its hard. Sometimes I just want to leave all
of them. I am in a lousy mood right now so forgive me if I sound snappy
but I am just tired of all of them. I cant help but feel like they care
more about her than they do about me at times, and it angers me to no
end that they have been there for HER but not for me when I needed them
the most! But I cant expect you to completely understand. I know the
situation the best, you dont know who these people are. I'm sorry I
wated my time.</font>

[Jenneh]

wasted ur time??


look, i know we dont kno the situation 100% and none of u know my situation 100% either ... which is why looking at the concept of what ppl say instead of the actual words is sometimes better.


i certainly was not saying " get over it" with my post... i was saying " for ur own good - try and not think about it"


my mother has NEVER shown me affection, never cared about my problems. read this site and laughed... these are the kinda family we have to deal with... dont giv up on us. u hvent wasted ur time... if uv wasted ur time- so hav i.


Jen xxxxxxxx

[sarahx]

I wish i knew what to say that would be of some help...


It sounds like your mother does just want o keep her son on her side, and that means she has to be nice to ur SIL. My family went through the same thing with my brothers ex wife and man she is a bitch, but somtimes mums do things we dont like, at the time i thought my mum should have nothing more to do with my brother let alone his wife but she didnt want to lose her son. Which is understandable, i could see myslef doing that for my own kids. If i was you i would just be civil to her and thats all, dont go out of your way for her or your brother and let ur mother do whatshe wants, if shes prepared to put herself open to whatever things ur SIL may do to her then what can you do? And dont worry about being in a bad mood or venting, we all have problems we want to share and i know i will never get bored of listening to you or anyone else!!


Wish i coul be of more help (hugs)


Sarah xxx

[mbs730]

I guess I do have to accept it because SIL is not going
anywhere unfortunately I admit I am also a bit jealous of the kind
of treatment she is getting. When I had the PPD no one seemed to care
about me (all my mother did was criticize me and told me to stop being
so lazy, and was hard on me) and my MIL couldnt care less about me
either. Yet I did nothing to her, I always stay out of her business
even though I dont agree with the things that she does and my husband
listens to her all the time which BUGS me but as long as he puts me
first, I guess I shouldnt care what he does. But my SIL not only hurt
my family but she only wants money from THEM, and has weasled her way
to getting it too (dont ask) and yet they STILL cut her all of
this slack. They were/are overly good to her when she didnt deserve it,
and I just thought it would have been nice if my MIL treated me that
way, and I felt it wasnt fair that I was treated so poorly by her and
yet I never did anything to her. And as an emet, especially how my emet
affects me, I admit I hate her too because she v's so often (she is 20
weeks pregnant and still whines about morning sickness apparently,
whatever). Well thats fine, she is NOT welcome in my home, ESPECIALLY
if she is v'ing so much! Even if I get over this phobia, IF I ever get
over this phobia I doubt my feelings towards her will change! I dont
mind being civil if I have to see her which I know at times I will
but... if she were to push me, since I think (not 100% sure) she knows
about my emet and were to tell me she was feeling sick, then I would
not be so civil towards her! Rightfully so as far as I am concerned!



Miriam

</font>

[Melikasa]

I wish that I had something useful to add. I know that it can be very hard for parents to try and keep peace. They last thing they want is a big blow out. Then everyone is on"a side". Have you ever heard the saying you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar?
Your mom is in a hard spot and I am sure feels that you and her love each other enough she doesn't have to do as much to ensure that.
You brother is in love. Love can be blind and sometimes so blind that you can't always see things others see. By not accepting that this is who he has chosen you are going to drive him and you appart. Which I am sure you don't want to do.
You husband (an inlaw as well) won't be snotty because as an inlaw I am sure he never wants to have a finger pointed at him for beingthe cinder that started the fire.
What are her parents like? It sounds like she is looking for a dose of attention that she has been denied from her side of the family. Could be the opposite I suppose where she had been so doted on that the lack of it causes any problem to be a big one.
The morning sickness will be over soon I am sure. What financial things happen between your parents and your brother is kind of their business. My dad has always been famous for saying " live and learn" "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me".
I am babbling now and who knows what sense I have made.
BIG BIG HUGS HUN. BTW blow ALL your steam off here. There will always be someone here to try and help you through. PM me any time you want to talk.

[mbs730]

Thanks Mel, well you are right, I know they are in a
hard spot because they dont want to lose their son either. I mean thats
fine, if they want to keep the peace that is understandable but... my
gosh why cut her all this slack that is so undeserved? Anyway I am not
going to get all heated up about it now. Don't really have the
energy for it. I am sick with some kind of flu bug. Not v'ing at all,
dont even really sick that way that is why I am not overly concerned. I
just feel awful and tired. Anyway take care



Miriam

</font>

[Melikasa]

Aww. I hope that you are feeling better soon sweety. I am sure that it took awhole lot of energy. It can when you are mad. I am really glad that you are not sick to your stomach. People like your SIL are very hard to deal with there are many people VERY good at being manipulative and when they move into your family territory it can be even harder to deal with them.
I really hope that you don't make make yourself sick about it.

[Jenneh]

i know what its lke to feel hurt that a relative doesnt show they care. i.e ur MIL, and my mother. i dont know what i did/do as a kid and as a teenager to make her hate me so much. maybe she doesnt hate me, maybe shes just mentally ill, who knows. but life isnt goddamn fair is it? isnt for anyone i guess. if it was, i guess this wud be a boring place if we wre all hapy and dandy all the time.


Jen xxxxxxx