I’m outta here for good!

[mbs730]

Okay I get the feeling after last week that people just
dont like me anymore.... that REALLY is unfair...I get it okay, thats
fine. I thought I would have gotten some positive feedback about the
HUGE step that I am taking and its NOT at all easy. But it seems like
no one really cares. Like I said I understand if no one replies to
something because they dont know HOW to which is one thing but with
this... I think a little bit of encouragement would have been nice! I
have lived with this for over 25 years now and now I feel its time that
I get this under control but I guess I am going to have to be alone in
this. That is how I feel right now, ALONE ALONE ALONE! Thats fine, then
so be it! I am outta here and I mean it this time unless I am
given a reason to stay!



Miriam

</font>

[faith-marilyn]

ok first off miriam i havent been here bcos things arent goin so well 4 me, if i had have been i would have replied. secondly ive just read ur other post 2, and u have to remember that most of the people on these boards are not members, there are thousands and thousands of ppl with emet, if ur not a member u cant reply so if u have seen that u have so many views, they may be off none members, i dont mean to offend but ppl on here are really suffering and sumtimes they may not feel in the frame of mind to congratulate sumone when they are feeling so bad.
Anyway, I will say congratulations, and I actually mean it! I know how hard it has been for u and i have been following your posts and your story and helping u out when i can, i remember the feeling that u get when u first find that u have a therapist and the relief that u feel when they understand what u are going thru and tell u that they can help! So this is absolutely wonderful news 4 u and i really REALLY hope that u have success, u have suffered with this 4 so long u really deserve to be able to live a happy and emet free life!!
congrats agen and i hope it all goes well.
We absolutely do want u here miriam, there was a lot of replies to a post about u leaving the other day saying that we wanted u to stay ?! Read over them and believe them because the people on here will tell u the truth, and the posts they left begging u to stay are from the heart. Please stick around, for your own good, not 4 the good of others.
Good luck with the therapy again, keep me updated
xxxxxxxx[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[mbs730]

I guess but I cant do this anyway... I feel like no one still really cares and to honest I am getting cold feet. Bye</font>

[jazz]

i don't understand miriam, you got at least 20 replies to the last post you did, which was similar to this.
if all those people including me didn't convince you to stay, then what will? [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[wing]

I'm truly sorry. My pathetic excuse for not replying beforeis because i'm scared to.. I type up so many posts before but i always chicken out and close the window. My social anxiety is worse than before, I meantoday i just went up to the piano, sat down andhad a panic attack. The class laughed at me [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]and i started crying..but I'll try though...I hope you stay and forgive me. sorry! Edited by: wing

[terified girl]

Jazz is right Miriam, you got so many replies for you not to go and we mean it, and I don't remember now which post I just replied too but it was to you and I even asked if you were ok? You got at least one reply, but I do remember I definately was not the first.......


STAY DAMN IT!!!!!!!!! WE WANT YOU HERE, I ALWAYS ENJOY READING YOUR POSTS.....At least I know I'm not the only one with family problems, I don't remember if in my last email I told you I was having problems with my sis and her mom which is my aunt, well last night my mom and I went over there, and I nearly punched her out, my mom and sis had to hold me back, I told my aunt to die and to f*** herself and then my mother pushed me outta the house because she saw I was crazy mad, and she had a few more words with her sister and she ended up telling her to f*** off too. So I feel as though I've caused this mess but she deserved it, and I was panicing also at the time of our "meeting" and I thought I was going to be sick, and I wished I had you guys here, and you are one of them.....


DON'T YOU DARE GO ANYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I have problems too, we all do, and if we don't get replies, well then we fix them ourselves and then we pat ourselves on the back and be proud of ourselves for doing it alone!


Have I given you enough reason yet to stay????? My damn fingers are so tired because I feel like I've been typing all day and yet here I keep going.......


STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY..............


[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]Sonia!

[2jo2]

Oh Miriam, please stay!!!!! I love reading your posts, you have GREAT advice and you're such an asset to this site.


Remember that it's Friday, and alot of people are going out and not on the computer, or at work or school or whatever, and we've got people from all over the world so sometimes the time difference is huge. I checked the site last on my afternoon break at work and then came home now about 2 1/2 hours later to this post, surprised that so much had happened in that little time. I don't have my profile set up to email me or whatever when a new post is made, and alot of people may not, so we don't know. Just give everyone a chance to read and reply. I take it personally sometimes when I write something and there's a million reads and no replies and it brings out my old insecurities about no one liking me and stuff. All I'm saying is give all of us with our different schedules and stuff a chance to see it before you think we want you gone. We don't!! Please stay!!!!


I wanna give you a great big hug. You're such an awesome person, and we'd miss alot of you weren't here.

[lady di]

Please don't leave Miriam. I didn't even get to know you.You're the reason I joined IES. I saw your post on Yahoo Group fov and got brave enough to reply. Then I found this one and there you were. It was like I felt a connection to you....and now You're gonna leave???? Please reconsider. We need someone like you to stick up for us like you did with that nut job on the other site...OMG I couldn't stop reading. Please stay!.......LADY DI

[mbs730]

Thanks I'm sorry I guess I took it personally... I am getting cold feet about this therapy now. I dont know if I can go through it... and to make matters worse, I am at my parents right now and my father said he is n, and I am avoiding him like anything right now. My mother of course pointed out that I cant exactly avoid being around him for the rest of the night but I just want to be alone! I dont want to be bothered! I cant do it, I cant go through this! I guess I am just really self conscious too and everything. I just dont know if I can stick this out.

[sage]

Miriam,


Just a little tip from my grandpa: "you attract more flies with honey than vinegar". Ya know? Like - I wonder if your tendency to emotionally react, blame others for the way you feel, and "cutoff" by threatening to quit might be a reason why people are afraid to reply to your posts. Hell, I'm a therapist and I'm afraid to reply to your posts!


As long as you are being helped and healed by reading posts here, helping others, and having your questions (eventually) answered...then for goodness sakes, stay! If, however, you are not getting your needs met, then there isn't much point in continuing to post and/or read others' posts. Whichever it is, it's totally your decision.


Basically, in human relationships, it's best to tell others what we need. If you need someone to congratulate you and encourage you, then ask for that and I'm quite sure you'll get it. If, however, you expect others to "mind-read" and then get angry, reactive, and threaten them when they don't do it ...well, then you will be a very lonely person. Of course I'm speaking in generalities here as well - the same is true for all people in all human relationships. People are NOT mind-readers, even if you're married to them for 50 years. Ask for what you need. People love you - I know we do...when asked, we'll be happy to give you what you need.


You did great today in therapy, by the way. What a huge accomplishment. There is nothing more courageous on this earth than for a phobic to do exactly what you did today. Good for you. Check out my other post about it.


Blessings!

[mbs730]

I'm sorry if everyone is now scared to reply to me,
sheesh. I had no idea I sounded so threatening. Please cut me some
slack, I am NOT having an easy day. Maybe I'll feel better about
everything tomorrow. Right now I feel like I CANT do this and I am
hoping I'll feel differently soon. This is too overwhelming for me.</font>

[HDogg]

[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]HI Miriam,


I remember what the pain of social anxiety feels like. In high school, I could count the real friends I had on one hand. I was pretty pathetic. I was always terrified of what other people thought of me, although deep down inside, I tried to put on a false front of security and indifference. I had a good friend who told me that one of her good friends didn't like me because I was always trying to hard to "be one of of the crowd." I felt like I wasn't worthy of love and friendship if everyone didn't like me. It's part of the insecurity that goes along with perfectionism, emet. and whatever other mental "illnesses" that go along with them.


I remember when I first joined this site almost two years ago. I was scared to say anything because I thought that people would criticize me or not reply to my posts. After awhile, I began to realize that people didn't reply- not because they didn't want to- but because either they were afraid, too busy, or just weren't available at the time. But after being around these wonderful, awesome, supportive people for two years, I realized that sometimes you really DO have to "announce" yourself. You have to be expressive. With the popularity of the site, a lot of people pick the most "important" threads to reply to. It's not because they don't care, it's because they only have time to reply to 3-4 topics that really catch their interest, because they are so involved in work, school, or family life that they only get a small time frame to reply to each post.


When it comes to message boards, sometimes you have to be "selfish" and announce your post using big words like "OMG! (Oh my God!) Important! or 'I can't believe it!' " Something that catches the interest of EVERYBODY.Becauselike I said, a lot of people have busy schedules, and as much as they want ro respond to every single persons' posts, they can't. I'm guilty of this too. A lot of times, I read almost all of the most recent posts, but I can't reply to everyones', or it would take hours. So I pick the ones that relate to what I'm feeling that particular day, or someone who's had a really bad day. You surely must know the feeling.


When you've had many friends who have had a "bad day" and they all seek your advice, you can only talk to a few, right? Well, when it comes to message boards, it is the same way. It is not that they do not love you or care about you, it is because he or she has many concerns at one time and cannot attend to them all at once.


I hope that you understand that each and every person on the IES message board cares about you, and wants you to be cured of emet! But sometimes our personal problems or schedules interfere with our ability to be supportive. But please do not leave because you feel that you are unloved! WE REALLY DO [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]CARE! And I am sure that I am not the only one who feels this way! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img][img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]


[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img][img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img][img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[sbias]

Miriam,


I like responding to your posts, but sometimes I lack faith in the way I word myself to respond to certain posts, sometimes thing I say come off as he's being silly, so he doesn't mean it, or people think my sense of humor is trying to belittle or downplay them.


If you look in most I'M SO SCARED! threads, or HELP MY BROTHER V'D IN HALLWAY threads. You won't see me posting there. I normally and most people can atest to this, I respond in private messages. That way I can really think out what I am gonna say and mean it. I have not had therapy for my emet, and by god as Mary told me I should. So I didn't respond.


I like everyone on here, except for that Sbias guy, he's a real smart ass.[img]smileys/smilies_10.gif[/img](Sorry I love using emoticons)


But I love the fact that we are all here, and we do help each other. I think I just act way too stupid sometimes and start long joke threads or picture threads, maybe I need to take a more serious approach? What do you think Miriam?


Stephen

[sarahx]

Awwww miriam.. i know how u feeling but the truth is that every single one of us cares about you and everyone else for that matter. I dont reply sometimes cause i just dont hae the time to, bu tive been trying really hard lately to reply to everyone as best as i can.


I really dont want you to leave. I love talking to you, we have so may feelings in common! As for therapy, pls try it, im going to be doin therapy in about 3-4 weeks so i need support and we can do it together. Nobody wants you to leave, im sure if someone did they would just come out and say something???


I hope youre on AIM later so we can talk, i like having u as a friend )


BIG HUGE HUGS xxxxxxx


Sarah xxx

[terified girl]

Stephen, I think your humour is needed here, badly, I, for one, love reading your silly storied or jokes or just the way you respond sometimes, so please don't stop either!


Sonia

[Jenneh]

meh.


i dont like these type of posts. cant we all just stay?


xxx

[clairethebear]

I agree Jen. We all need each other badly. Hope you are okay and that I didn't say too much yesterday. I have been feeling similar to Miriam but then maybe I only have myself to blame because I don't post as often as I should. Truth is though it is because I am scared of saying the wrong thing or upsetting someone. Part of my fears is what others think of me and that makes it very hard and I am sorry if anyone has thought different. I will try harder but sometimes I feel so rejected by others comments even when they are not meant as they sound.

[Jenneh]

okay -- this is just confusing me... btw - no u didnt say too mch last night.


but, if any of u find u have a problem with someones reply, can you speak to them about it, in a pm or smthing.... and not leave it rotting so in the past it suddenly gets kicked up as ur about to leave?


i think i must be blind to all this bad atmosphere -- but i REFUSE to believe we're purposely offensive to each other here.


Jen xxxxx

[terified girl]

I agree, sometimes we're just feeling down and tell everyone's advice as criticism, and then everything blows up for nothing.


I know jen and I had it out once![img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]But I was probably having a grouchy day, like today, I am in one of the worst moods, nothing is going the way its suppose today so now I'm pissed!


We've all got our moments and days!