Whoa...part of my emet

[HDogg]

Okay, I probably would have posted this in the experiences section, except it doesn't get as much traffic, so, I just thought I'd get very personal here...


****WARNING: NOT EMET GRAPHIC, BUT PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE****


Well, I am very insecure about posting this because some of you have known me for over two years, but here I go anyway. I had a rough childhood, becausemy parents divorced when I was six, and my mom was very self-absorbed at the time and cared more about her romantic life than her daughters (aka she was a slut) and my dad was a very private person and never shared his emotions. Anyway, my mom got married a couple years later to this man who was a complete @******. About 4 years ago, my younger sister told me this man sexually abused her. I almost couldn't believe it, but I knew this man was not a nice person in general, so I always wondered if maybe he did the same things to me as he did to her.


The other night, my husband and I were about to go to sleep, and we were...um...well, you know...and suddenly, I was overcome with this vivid memory of this man and something that happened 11 years ago. I almost thought this was a dream, until I pinched myself and felt the pain and started crying hysterically. I seriously could not remember what had happened 11 years ago, but I had this image in my mind that I could not shake of something horrible that my ex-stepfather did to me. I prayed to God that it was all a dream, and I knew it wasn't. I have always believe in repressed memories, but I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I had one, and it could happen to me. But now I'm surer than I've ever been that I too am a victim of childhood sexual abuse. If I thought I was screwed up before, it's nothing compared to this. I don't even know where to turn to.


It's almost funny that I remembered this the day after I started my new job. Before, I would have been unable to afford therapy, but now I can. So I guess in a twisted way, this is a blessing that I uncovered these memories now, while I finally afford therapy.


Thanks for listening. This is a very shameful and embarrassing thing that I'm going through right now, but I can trust you guys more than I can trust some of my own family members, so I know I'll get nothing but support from you. Thanks for the past two years of unconditional support. I love you guys!


Heather

[r311dude]

OMG, that is so horrible. Don't be embarassed, you had no control over what your ex-stepfather did. I really don't know what to say in this situation. I pray that this is merely your brain creating false images somehow, but maybe you can talk with your sister or mother and question them. I'm i so sorry you had a situation like that as a child =(

[sbias]

Oh.... Oh wow......


Ok Heather, first off I can't begin to express the admiration I have for the courage to come on here and admit this to us, or even talk about it. I am so stunned right now....... I really don't know what to say, I can not even fathom this, seeing as something this monsterous never happened to myself.


I am a child of physical abuse, my heart just bleeds for you, I am so sorry.


I would write more but I can't.. I am so sorry. I honestly can not express how I feel reading this.


Love,


Stephen

[Jenneh]

Heather, *hugs* you are so very brave.


not only did you get thru that really hard time of remembering a flashback - but you came on here admitted it to us, so in the process admitted it to urself.


im sure this will really really help you with whatever therapy you choose to do -- when i came to terms with the fact i was treated unfairly, (physically and emotionally), it became easier to understand why i was like this, and i didnt just blame it on myself saying " im so weak - im so wierd".


its no surprise that u repressed the memories from your childhood, but unfortunately they have come out in a different way, a phobia, but its reversable im sure. now ur beginning to reach into ur mind and retrieve those memories, maybe te phobia will slowly disappear as you feel more in control of yourself as a person, who konws.


i wish you all the best,.


Jen xxxxxxxxxx

[e-lizabeth]

Heather: I was also sexually abused by an ex-family member (brother-in-law) as a kid, and I completely relate to what your'e going through right now. I'm so glad you can get some therapy. Please try to make that your top priority.


Good luck.

[sarahx]

Oh god, how awful. I cant imagine how it must feel to have this memory come back suddenly. I hope for your sake its not real. I would hate for you to have to go through finding out more about what may have happened. I admire ur courage in confiding in everyone here. I dont know much about circumstances like urs but im always here to talk xxxx


Sarah xxx

[hippychick]

Hey Heather you are very very brave. I am glad you are now able to afford therapy to deal with things that must be such a horrible thing you went through. I'm sorry it has come back to you in the way it has.


I don't have much to offer, have you read "Out of the Dark" by Linda Caine. I'm not sure that it would help or make you feel worse, but it is about a woman who was abused and repressed it for years. She also has a website and she emails people etc maybe you could talk to her?


Sorry I don't have much more to offer


Good luck with it all


xxxxxxxxxxxEdited by: hippychick

[Galadriel]

Hey Heather,


I am so sorry for you. Thats a real rough thing to have to come to terms with. But part of healing is facing the things that happened to you. Thats really rough, but just know it is in no way your fault, and he is the responsible one. It is good that your able to get therapy, so you can work thro this and come to terms with it. I hope and pray that you will get thro this and have peace.

[luckistar2]

Heather,


I haven't been in your situation but thank you having the courage to share it witheveryone and I hope you can feel and are comforted by the support that is being offered here. I am also very thankful for the fact that you will access to a therapist who can help you get through the memories that have recently presented themselves. It takes a lot of strength to go on after being abused and it is no wonder that your mind help onto those memories until now...maybe you were subconsciously waiting for a time in your life when you knew you could deal with it. Good luck and please post whenever you need to vent or someone to talk to.


Carly