The last thing I want to do is cause ANY kind of trouble
around here. But I'll explain a few things...I have seen this therapist
twice before for properly assessing me before starting to get into the
nitty gritty of things.. yesterday after he told me what his assessment
was, he told me what he was going to exactly do! I was on a momentary
high after the session and decided to post what the plan was... I was
excited and couldnt believe once in for all, I would get this phobia
under control since I have lived with this for over 25 years now which
happens to have been most of my life! After posting about that, I
noticed that I got over 20 views or something like that but no one gave
me any encouragement and got very down about it since you are the only
ones who truely get it...I admit I fly off the handle very, very
easily, I do have a bad temper and I'm very high strung. So I of course
got my defenses up and figured that no one cared...this kind of ugly
characteristic that I have has gotten me into trouble in the past many
times and I just never learn from it. I keep on forgetting that either
there are guests lurking around or those who plan to reply dont have
the time...believe me I have been one of those many times that did look
and didnt reply right away so I owe everyone a big apology. But
that wasnt all of it.... I immediately felt scared about knowing that I
am going to be FACING this once and for all and that fear just added me
to losing my temper....I just got cold feet about this therapy and
wanted out but I know I cant really do that. Its a dream come true to
have an emet free life and maybe in some sick way it scares me that I
may actually be that way one day. Believe me, I HATE being an emet
but... I dunno, perhaps since I have lived with the phobia for almost
my whole life I feel afraid of knowing that its going to be gone even
though I WANT it gone, do you know what I am trying to say here? Even
though its evil... and even though I know I want it out of my life, I
am also afraid of letting go, I dont know, this isnt coming out right
but maybe you know what I am trying to say.... I'm not sure if I can
truely compare it to changing a lifestyle, getting rid of a bad habit
like eating fast food all the time or nail biting... maybe it is but
facing this is much tougher than I had thought it was going to be...I
didnt feel this overwhelming kind of feeling while I was being assessed
but now that he told me what his PLAN is, yikes! Anyway sorry once
again, take care



Miriam

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