please read - I need help!! - updated

[izzybee]

ok 2 things for me to moan about today.


The first is - I dont know if you saw my post in the triumphs and pitfalls section, but yesterday in school my distant friend (someone who I chat to a bit but thats it) came into class saying that she didnt feel well, she started coughing and said that she needed to be sick, I told her to go outside - she protested for a bit (!!) and then did. She came back a few mins later, nodding her head and sat next to me. Itold her that she should go to the medical room - but she said she ahd already tried and they wouldnt accept her (it seems that you can only sit there if you v* in a very public fashion or are bleeding to death) so anyway I had to sit next to her for about 45mins of the remainder of the lesson. I didnt panic too much and I stayed in class (something I wouldnt of done - even a few months ago) I came out of class feeling drained - not happy of relieved that I had triumphed, just exhausted.


I dont know why - but at the moment - I cant recognise me triumphing. I mean I'm doing it - but it doesnt make me feel better or happy, just more down and scared and almost angry that I have to be scared in the first place and angry that the situation had to happen.


Then today there were 4 instances where people felt sick!! 4!!!!!! First lesson a girl on my table said the felt really ill and that she felt like she could be sick and would. Another girl in the class felt ill to and went to sleep on a side bench thing (it was science).


Lesson 2 - a girl came into class with a medical slip - apparently she had been sick earlier and she sat RIGHT INFRONT OF ME!! AND PUT HER HEAD ON MY DESK WHEN SHE LENT BACK grrrrrrrr Anyway she sat there for about 10mins and then left.


Lesson 3 - I had science again (this time physics) with the same class - so I was with the girl who wanted to throw up and the girl who went to asleep again!! They didnt think about going home!


Lesson 4 - A girl in the middle of my maths class said that she wanted to go to the toilet because she felt like she was going to be sick. She came back saying that 'it' had happened and was rushed to the medical room.


Lesson 5 - passed without incident and then I went home to bed!!


Why is it always the class that I'm in that people are sick???? why?? And why do these stupid nasty people come in when they are ill?? Spreading there germs around. They are so selfish!! dont they have any common sense!?


I am so angry at them 0 I realise that them feeling ill is natural - but they oculd of not come in - and I ahte it becasue it makes me a nervous wreck - I am depressed beyond belief. I dont want to be like this - I am normally a happy bouncy mad person - but lately all I've done is cower at school -come home and sleep and watch tv. What a nasty existance.


Also another thing that has pissed me off is my group of friends. My best friend in particular has annoyed me a bit - I told her that I was feeling awful and down and she said that I dont show my feelins very much (which is true) and said that I am ok on my own - but where as when our other friend doesnt say much of just grunts instead of talks - she wants to know whats wrong etc etc I AM NOT A STRONG PERSON AND I NEED SUPPORT!!! grrrrrr


Another thing (there are 2 more!! then I'l stop) Is that I'm fed up of ahving tosacrifice things I enjoy because of things I dont want to do. last year as u know I was only going to school for about 4 afternoons per week. I auditioned for the school play as I do alot of acting and singing and stuff- anyway It was no suprise to me that I didnt get in - afterall I wouldnt be around to reherse and would be unreliable in that sense. Well dow its the week of the play and its so painful to see and hear about al these people having fun and doing what I want to do most - more than anything. Some of my 'friends' are in it (the ones who want to famous - dont know if I've told u about them) and are very public about how its going and all about the show. It is so

[sarahx]

Because there will always be someone wo cares! I promise! I CARE!!!!


Youve just had a tough day chick, you will have better days. Im proud of u for not freaking out about the ill ppl in ur classes! I wouldve been straight out of there! So thats a triumph. I dnt really know what to say about ur friends as ive lost all of mine due to emet. I guess they werent very good friends?


I would chicken out of whats happening tomorrow, but i hope that you dont. Remember that you can always leave if things get too tough, NOBODY can make u stay. That usually makes me feel better. I wsh i was more help!


((((hugs))))


Sarah xxx

[confused]

Aw, Izzy *hugs* I know how you feel. I hated jr high for that exact reason (high school wasn't bad for me, I almost never panicked in high school). It can be so hard just to get through a simple day of school. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! on doing so well lately. Remember that non-emets aren't going to get it, and so they aren't going think it's a big deal when you do something as amazing as sitting next to someone who's just been sick. I am impressed that you could sit next to her after she had been sick out side, I would have been freaking out!!I know you don't feel like you accomplishedmuch, but you did!! Anxiety makes you feel so drained,but don't let that get you down.It makes me mad when people don't stay home too. but just think about it as a step to get over emet!!! show your emet who's boss!!!! And tomorrow when your in the mass, try not to pay attention to the people who walk out, because most of the time when people leave, it's for other reasons. we just always assume it's because their gonna be sick. here's a good example, i was in the bathroom today at school, when this girl walked in not looking well. she walking into the stall, and bent foward. I started to FREAK OUT, grabbing my bag to run. you know what happend? she was bending foward to get toilet paper, she had a cold and was blowing her nose! I freaked out for nothing!! Well I hope I helped a little.


Danielle

[luckistar2]

Sorry you had a such a bad day Izzy...or maybe it wasn't such a bad day. You were great for dealing with your surroundings. There are going to be times when you cannot change who or what is around you and this was one of those times and you where okay. That is a very good thing.


I do agree with you though that sick people shouldn't be at school. I teach and you wouldn't believe how parents will send their kids to school. Some people don't understand that if a kid is sick is far better for them to be at home, resting so they can get well soon, and also not passing along the germs. So many teacher get sick from their students.


About no one caring when you do well, I know everyone here cares but what is really important is that you recognize when you do well.


Hugs,


Carly

[pippi]

I too don't understand why a sick person doesn't stay home. Also don't understand why the parent of a sick child would send them to school???
I can also relate with the feelings you are having during and after facing these things. It never seems to help me to feel better...I tend to focus more on it when I hear about the stomach aches. Avoidance seems to help me more then exposure.
BUT
I want to congradulate you. You were brave today to stay in class...you faced your fear. From those who are cured they say its how to beat this awful phobia. So hold your chin high tonight Know that I care and others here care about your great day of taking the bull by its horns!

[eyecandi512]

People, and teachers should really consider "the ethics of illness" I had a long talk about this in my social psych class yesterday. If you are sick, or if your child is sick do not go to school/work/public situations and do not force your chuld to go. It is not fair to other people ti expose them to such illness nor is it fair to use the nurse as a babysitter for a sick child. It is appalling how many parent send their children to school ill; and for that matter how many older students go ill to continue the day throughout vomiting to be "the hero" almost. IT is just not fair!!![img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]

[izzybee]

thank you everyone for your kind words - it raelly does mean alot to me. I still feel down - but certainly not as dead as I have been feeling throughthe past week


Today I had mass and some more encounters with people v* . I sat next to the door - which was ok and I was actually with people from my year and not on my own with loads of year 7s or elderly nuns! After I was seated a girl in my class was sat next to me with one of the support staff - she kept saying she felt sick (she was just faking it - and everyone had guessed) so anyway during the first hymn she said she had to leave and did. It scared me abit - becasue she's the kind of girl who would milk it and maybeeven pretend to v* to get out of mass.


Anyway 40mins later a year 7 walked round the corner and was shaking and almost heaving. It was quite a scarry realisation - but she made it out of the cathedral which is good! She and some kind teacher then walked past me again to go to the toilet (she didnt know the way round the outside) and she dissapered till the end of mass. She looked very thin and scared - much like me in year 7! I might make an effort to talk to her - see if she's scared of mass like me!? (its wishful thinking!)


about an hour into the mass another girl ran out with her hand over her mouth! (lol they get more and more dramatic!!) urm... another kind teacher ranout with her etc etc. But I sat through all this! People running past me looking ill and ready to v* - I just sat there!


It was just about the end of the mass when I saw a girl from my class in a group of seat infront of me bend over and her friend said go and pointed to the door - and kind of moved aside a bit. I couldnt cope with this- the girl obviouslyfelt like she would v* and probably would. I couldnt do it and sprang to my feet and went outside. A few mins later this girl came out. She said she felt really sick. I made the mistake of telling her to v* in the other direction casue I'm phobic of it (she can be quite nasty this girl and enjoyed spreading stuff about me in yr 8 - but she's good really) but hey - being phobic about something is no big deal rite!? hmm anyway so it was the end of mass!


I made it through and hour and a halfa nd only missed 5 mins! With 3chances of seieng ppl v*! I think thats a huge achievement!!!! It actually made me cry to think how well I was doing - like after I saw these dramatic ill people walk out of the hall its like ' I'm doing this!!!'


the rest of my day was ok - except my friend was absent in the morning - she hugged me and THEN told me that she was v* in the night! ewww thanx for that! And also I went to pizza hut with the people in this school play that I should of been in!! It was nice - all my friends chatting and laughing - then the girl next to me told us 2 stories where she ahd v* in restaraunts! Which was lovely!!


But its a start - and I made it through the day without having a huge panic attack - nothing like I've been having in the past - ok my heart was a bit fast and my mouth dried out - but thats not so bad I guess.


I am still s*** scared of people or myselfv* - but its a start - that I can actually cope when I'm not in contact with any v* - although there is some threat of it. I'd like to get more confident withi this - so that I KNOW that I'l be fine in some situations whree people can run away to v* - but its a start to actually be doing it!!!!!


I've had alot of encounters with people feeling ill in the last few days (why me!) but I guess its all good practise - if a little surreal! Lets hope it stops soon (touch wood and stuff)


thanx again for your lovely replies - I'm sure that very soon I'l be back to my normal self. (I hope)

[kmarie]

all i can say is YOU ROCK..ai am SO impressed its not even funny. I wouldnt have made it through that mass..no way..not with all the sick people..thats for sure. You shouldbe so very proud of yourself for doing such an amazing task!!!!


you may be having a rough time..but things like this should let you know that there is a light at the end of the tunnle!!


way to go girl!!!

[eyecandi512]

I cant belive everyone is getting sick like this.....it is terrible. And it;'s terrible that you seem to be in the middle of evry situation. But...you have been quite strong and resilient! Good job girlie!!


PS....I hate the dramatists who run out with their hand over ther mouth--why did they have to come if they felt sick to begin with, and why couldnt they get to a toilet sooner?

[confused]

wow, you really are being so brave. i can't believe how many people felt sick! You are doing such a good job! Congrats!!


Danielle

[wing]

You handled that so well. Congrats! I could give you all the praise in the world. I dont think i could've handled it.

[izzybee]

[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]Thankyou for your lovely replies! I cant believe how many people were ill either!!!


I'm not feeling very well at the moment - the stress that I have been under has taken its toll on my stomach [img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img](I have IBS) But I'm hoping that tomorrow will be a good day. I am exhausted! I didnt realie how bad I was feeling. I have a week off school now to get some sleep and freshen up a bit for the winter term [img]smileys/smilies_10.gif[/img]where I have a lot happening, my science gcse [img]smileys/smilies_10.gif[/img]learning a years worth of work that I have missed for...mock exams [img]smileys/smilies_10.gif[/img]and just winter in general[img]smileys/smilies_10.gif[/img]. But hopefully after this break I should be feeling a lot better. I hate having phases of feeling just so awful. mhm anyway. Lets hope that I will be smiling again very soon! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[terified girl]

That is just wrong, how in gods name could there be so many ppl in one room feeling ill????? But congrats to you babe, you did fantastic!!!!! I would have run out 5 minutes into it!!!!

[sarahx]

Izzy, i think u did absolutely fabulously!!! I wouldve been outta there after the first one! Well done, im really proud of you! I knew you could do it! And its greta that u went out afterwards too! YAY!


Sarah xxx

[Melikasa]

BIG HUGS



The school years can be tough as an emet. You are doing so well. Your triumphs are still triumohs. Maybe being proud of yourself for it won't be immediate...it can take some time to recover from a stressful situation. Being strong can be draining. I know that SOME of the people may be legitimatly feeling ill but if you think about it there are lots that say that JUST to get out of there. Some that may be claustrophobic or emet or agoraphobic and you (or anyone) don't know about it.
I know that with my agoraphobia I tend to feel faint and nauseated when I start to panick.
I care and I am proud of you. I think parents and friends take it for granted that we know that they are proud of us and support us. I hope I never do that to my kid(s).
Big hugs hun.