My decision

[rock_on]

I wrote this on my blog, and I thought I'd post it here. It's kind of me just
rambling, but a friend said it was kinda inspirational, so I thought I'd
share. The quote's from the miniseries Taken.

"My mom told me once that when you’re afraid of something, what you
want more than anything else is to make it go away, you want your life
back to the way it was before you found out that there was something to
be afraid of. You want to build a high wall and live your old life behind it.
But nothing ever stays the same. That’s not your old life at all, that’s
you're new life with a wall around it. Your choice is not about going back
to the way things were, your choice is about hiding or about going right
to the heart of the thing that scares you."
I've realized lately that things are never going to go back to the way they
used to be. There are no time machines. There will be good days and
there will be bad days, possibly more bad than good. This is my life now,
this fear is a part of me and I have to learn to live with it. My therapist
said that it may never completely go away, but that I can find a way to
deal with it.
I can't stay in this house anymore, my parents are talking about divorce
and my life is in the city now anyways. I've been looking at places
downtown, applying for jobs. I'll be out of here by the end of the year and
it's a huge step for me. Possibly the biggest I've ever taken. When I move
out I'll be all alone. I'll have a lot of responsibilities and I can't let this
phobia get in my way. I have to accept it as a part of my life and find a
way to beat it. And it's gonna be really hard, but in the end it will be
worth it.
If I beat this, there's nothing holding me back from living. If I can get rid
of this fear, or even learn to live with it, then I can do anything. And I'm
ready to start now.Edited by: rock_on

[emmab]

I think it is true. The amount of times I say "I just want to be back to how I was before". I think the problem is that I can remember when I did not have it and that is what hurts. If I had had this forever I would know no difference.

I moved to a city this year to go to university. I lived in a small town with my dad and I now live in London. It was pretty overwhelming. In a way I have to be stronger in London as I do not have my family support so that means when I come home I tend to be weak.

Good luck with your job hunt!

[Jenneh]

you'll make it.


with that attitude - ur gnna go anywhere.


good luck


Jenxxxx

[sarahx]

I think that vry true. I dont believe that tis phobia can be 'cured' I think you just learn to deal with it so it doesnt affect u in such a major way! Your attitude is brilliant! I hope you go far!


Sarah xxx