Dad could have died, I failed him

[eyecandi512]

Today I woke up feeling a little sick, I plucked some hairs until I was able to fall back to sleep with my tweezers. I had a normal day until dinner. At dinner my father was eating a suddenly began to choke. He wasnt breathing. I got very scared and went to help him. I am an EMT and my mom is a nurse. We were both there for him. HE then ran over to the sick and started to make some weird noises. He was trying to throw up. He was holding the sick so tight and making these horrible noises. He was getting bluish. I am so ashamed....instead of helping him...I ran away with my ears plugged hard. MY mom gave him the himlick (spelling?) manuever and brought him outside for some fresh air. He didnt throw up and he is ok now. I was so scared. I feel so badly. MY dad could have died and if my mom wasn't there he probably would have. MY mom was yelling at me for not helping, and told me I would make a horrible mother and how could I let this fear go so far where I was too afraid to help anyone. MY father was disappointed in me. I could not eat my dinner or look at my parents. I am ok now and so is my dad, but I feel so horrible for how I acted. How could I not help??!!? I feel like such a failure.


I had a similar experience when I was on the ambulance corps. A little boy had a concussion, he had fallen off an amusement park ride. He was scared in the ambulance and said he felt sick. I didnt think much of it. He was fine during the ride. Then we got to the hospital and I was waiting in the hallway with him and another crew member was coming up the hall.The kid said..."I think I'm gonna...." Before he got the rest out he was gagging and retching. HE was strapped to a backboard and could have choke on his vomit. In this case we are supposed to flip the backboard onto its side so the patient can throw up and not vhoke. He threw up, and I ran away without turning the board. Thank God someone else was there, and he turned the board for me. I could handle anything but vomit, blood, guts, anyhting...but vomit.


It is so horrible.[img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]

[r311dude]

=( sorry to hear about your story. I'm sure your parents understand why you did what you did, but are just finding a way to get the emet out of you. Fight fear with fear I guess you can say. The important thing is that your mom was there and that your dad is ok. Don't dwell on the negative aspects of a situation. Use the negative aspects to learn from, not beat yourself over. Try looking more at the positive side of things, your father is still alive and kickin it O.G. stylee =) .

[hippychick]

When you panic its like you can't think logically, it takes over your mind and maybe you run away when looking back you realise what a bad idea it was. It's so hard to think when that wave of terror hits you and many times we just run. *hugs* it doesn't make you a bad person. In both situations you describe there were other people around, if it had just been you and your Dad I think you would have stayed.

[Galadriel]

Hey there!!


Man please dont beat yourself up for it! Hippychick is right, fear like that makes you not able to think fully rationally. You get so overwhelemed by the fear of being sick that your mind all it can think is "I gotta get away NOW!!" Its really tough, I mean yeah that was a tough situacion, but them yelling at you like that doesn't make it any better!! I too think if your mom wasn't there then you would have been there, I know its tough.

[clairethebear]

Please don't be hard on yourself or punish yourself because you so can't help your fear. You would never allow your father to suffer but if you are afraid of something then it is so hard. I am upset by peoples lack of understanding regarding our fear because it is so very real and debilitating. I know that if my boyfriend or a friend or a parent was going to v I would not be able to stick around. I know how you must be feeling but please don't punish yourself because it isn't your fault. You didn't ask for this fear. I too feel that I could deal with pretty much anything other than v and have often said that I woudl rather die or have cancer than v and I mean every word of that.

[mbs730]

Its not your fault... I know how it is to be blamed for
being selfish because of this emet... even other emets think I am
selfish oh well, try not to beat yourself up over this. Since I suck
at giving comforting words, I wish I could say more.</font>

[texas-darlin]

I'm so sorry this happened. I would've done the same thing as you. People that don't have emet just don't understand us.



Are you still an EMT? I used to be a dental assistant, and I
never had a problem going to the dentist. It never even occured to me
that people v* at the dentist. Til one day this lady started
choking on her v* and the dentist was telling me to help her and I
couldn't, I just froze. This was the end of my career as an assistant.



I give you loads of credit for being an EMT. I couldn't do that job...EVER!



Have a good weekend





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[eyecandi512]

Texas-darlin, I am still an EMT, however I do not ride on the amubance corp now. I went away to school in PA and was not certified there, and then I never went back. It's been about a year. People keep asking me to go back, but my certification runs up in December. My boyfriend used to be an EMT and he wants to re-cert too. So we are going to do it together. Everyone on my ambulance corp knew of my emet and the paramedics all knew. They were very supportive and never let me handle anything i felt uncomfortable or frightened with. I should go back and I miss volunteering. It makes me feel so guilty just quiting on my town and people that need me like that.


I know you understand b/c of your position too as an assitant. I would have freaked out too! Thanks for understanding!!


&lt;3Danielle