I have had Emetophobia for 4 years. It all started on Christmas Day i was
having a meal with family. After the meal i felt real sick so i threw up 3
times that night. It couldn't of been food poisening because i usually get
a stomach ache before i get sick. But anyway i was Ok with it i got over it
until the next day. I went over to my mums house and she cooked me a
big meal. Turkey, peas, potatoes etc... I sat down i looked at the plate
then all of a sudden i felt really sick. I went out for a walk thinking i
would be sick but i wasn't so i went upstairs and straight into bed and
thats when my first panic attack started. Since that day, i was never the
same. After that day i felt sick everyday. I couldn't eat. I was loosing
weight and i became anorexic. The only thing that would stop my panic
attacks is my hot water bottle which i took everywhere i went. And then i
went to see the doctors they prescribed me with medicine for anxiety
which i know in my head wasn't helping me but i became addicted to it so
i felt the need to take them everyday. I still wasn't eating, i still felt sick
so they put me on protein drinks which i struggled to take because i had
it in my head that anything i put inside my body will come back up. I
went to a private hospital to exam my throat because i complained there
was a lump in my throat. I was examined, there was nothing there.
Nobody understood. My parents thought i was crazy, my friends couldn't
understand why i didn't want to come out and see them anymore. At one
point i was so depressed i tried to hang myself but i was stopped just in
time.

9 months later i went to Spain for 2 months to stay with a friend just to
get away. I was distracted when i was out there everyday doing activities
and i gradually started putting on a bit of weight. I was so occupied out
there that i kept forgetting to take my pills and then eventually i stopped
taking them.

I came back from Spain after the 2 months then it all came back but it
wasn't as strong as it was before i left i learnt by keeping myself busy i
could stop it from comming back so strong. Months and months went by
i was teaching myself some techniques to stop it from happening but
every so often usually 2 or 3 times a months i would still get full blown
panic attacks and feel so sick to the point i "know" i'm going to throw up
but it never happened.

Relationships never lasted longer than 3 months. It was difficult to hide
something like this and i found myself making excuses up all the night.
Like whenever a guy wanted me to eat with him at a restaurant i would
always make excuses up. And i would rarely sleep over just in case i have
a panic attack and feel sick i would think they would end it with me so
before it gets serious i would always end it because i would think to
myself why would any man want to marry someone like me.

Like most Emet sufferers i limit myself what to eat. After what happened
to me on Christmas day i became vegetarian. I stopped drinking alcohol,
even if i took a sip i know i would have a panic attack, its the fear of not
being in control thats what scares me the most. I cant go on
rollercoasters anymore. If i fly on a plane i will take sickness tablets. And
i wont go on long car journeys. The only foods i ever really eat are chips,
pasta and junk food. That is what i live on. I don't trust many foods. I get
scared of fruit and vegetables because i don't know where its been. I
don't like the feeling of being full up because i think in my head the less i
have in my stomach the less will come up if i do vomit. I don't like seeing
other people vomit but i don't really have a major problem with that. Its
more myself i have a problem wit