New & at wits end with daughter’s fear

[kevinsuew]

Hi everyone

I'm new here having found the site from Anxiety UK and am desperately trying to find suitable help for our 11 year old daughter who has had emetophobia for over 3 years since being sick once in front of the children at school. Her fears have now taken over her - and our - life. Below is an extract from a letter I've written to her school which gives a taste of what we have been dealing with for 3 years:

In the week before the school broke for the holiday, I caught a minor stomach bug which my daughter then got. It was very mild and did not cause sickness but unfortunately it has had the effect of amplifying her fear of being sick to extreme levels; worse than anything we have experienced before. She became so fearful on the Friday of that week that she actually made herself slightly sick – I think her nerves had caused her stomach to overdose on producing acid. This was then followed by what I can only describe as panic attacks, which occurred for two of the following three nights, when she became extremely distressed in the early hours of the morning. Subsequently all the worst evidences of her fear have returned – afraid of going out anywhere, even if it is to go to places she likes, waking frequently during the night, loss of appetite, afraid of being with other people generally and of course extremely afraid of returning to school.

If we distract her the fear can disappear as quickly as it appears but it can return just as quickly. We thought she might just grow out of it but it's getting worse not better. Can anyone offer help? She's actually hardly ever been sick but no amount of reassurance from me or my wife about her not actually having sickness bugs does any good.

[susan65]

Hi there. I used to be a member here. Some may remember me as e-lizabeth. I haven't been on in a very long time mostly because I've been dealing well. I occasionally sneak a peek and have never before been motivated to rejoin in order to respond to someone. but your message really struck a chord with me. My daughter is almost 11 and has suffered for a few years, on and off. I'm happy to chat with you about strategies and how we've dealt with it, and also about what it's like to have it myself. I really feel for you.

[betsie]

Hello there, I am an 18 year old female also from the UK and I rememeber having this fear as early on as 6 years old.
Firstly, you say your daughter is 11, so she is quite young right now, and to be honest she sounds alot like how i was when i was younger. There are a few things that I would suggest you do. Firstly, teach her very good hand washing techniques and buy her anti bacterial hand gel, this will help to reassure her about catching bugs and may help ease a few things.
The second thing I would do is get her some real help, go to the doctors and maybe get referred for some cognitive behaviour therapy or generally councelling, I'm guessing she is just about to start senior school so you may want to try and get something sorted before then.

When i was younger i used to act up and do all i can to get out of going to school because i was so scared. Now, looking back, I wish my mom had not adhered to my request and forced me to go to school. Yes it would have been hard for her, but i find it easier to cope now when i convince myself that things such as work and uni are things that i HAVE to do.
I also had alot of trouble during exam periods, and because i had seen a psychiatrist i was able to get a note that allowed me to sit in special rooms for exams, rather than in a massive hall that would set my phobia right off. Its not something you need to worry about right now, but maybe somethng to consider in the future.


Many emetophobes feel nauceas most days and many of us have many different remedies to help overcome these feelings and ease out anxiety. Obviously you will not want your eleven year old taking lots of different medications so young, so i suggest getting some natural remedies such as ginger tablets (can be found at Holland and Barratt) and travel sickness bands which i have found also help.

Most of all I think that you should try and understand what she is going through, it is REALLY debilitating and half of us are quite aware that our feelings are completely irrational and absolutely hate that it rules our lives. But there are ways of coping with these things.


As a drastic measure, something that I am now resorting too because i cant stand how my life is. I am paying for hypnotherapy witht he numberone hypnotherapist in the UK - Elliot Wald: http://www.hypnosis-expert.com/ - it is £300 a session and he thinks he can cure me in 2. I have yet to have my first session but if you are interested, then i will keep you updated on how sccessful it is.

Good luck!

[crd08]

As someone who started sufferig when I was 8, I have seen how hard it is on parents.
She is stlill young and still could "out grow it". However, you may want to consider getting her some therapy as it could also possibly progress. This could at least help her enough to get to school.
I know I always felt sick before going to school and personally deal with nausea from anxiety daily. I know my dad always told me peppermints would help calm my stomach. Now when I am stressed I put one in and can sometimes instantly feel more calm. So maybe buy her some mints, or minty chewing gum. Also, ginger pills help and soda water.
As for school, she just has to know she has to go. It's up to you to decide when she is really sick (as in, actual virus) and just anxious. Sometimes, after I got there and got my day started I felt better. I realized it wasn' that bad. One thing that helped me was being involved in something I loved that made school worth it. I was in band, so I wanted to go to school to atted that class and it helped me force myself to face my anxiety.

Whatever you do, be understanding. At her age she is probably close to knowing her fears are irrational. I know I still beat myself up over how "silly" or "stupid" this all is. We know, but it's hard to control. Just be as supportive as possible, She can get better.