Journey to freedom

[bjeanfritz]

I met with my general practitioner today and she agreed it's time to see a therapist. I have a list of them from my insurance company and have already placed a call. I'm just waiting for a return call from them so I can get started. She also wrote me a script for a low dose of Ativan rescue drug that I can take if my kids or hubby have a sv* so I can get through it without severe panic attacks. I'm already on cymbalta, but my goal is to learn how to cope with the fear and get over it rather than stay medicated the rest of my life.

I can't wait to share the journey with you all!

Have a great day!

[what_the_frick]

Congrats! Please let us know how your appt goes. I wish you all the luck in the world

[bjeanfritz]

I met my psychologist for the first time today. She is very calming and understanding. She specializes in anxiety & panic disorders, so I am confident I am in good hands! She has helped others with Emet overcome their phobia, so I hope I'm her next success story.

She helped me to see that I'm doing a lot of the right things already by not allowing my fear to affect my everyday life. I will myself to visit my girls classes and clean up after my pets and kids when they do "it" and in doing so, I am already desensitizing myself. We will be doing gradual exposure therapy. She will never make me or anyone around me induce "it." Instead, step one is to talk about "it." So, this support board is a great way to start! When we logon and talk about n* & v*, we are in effect, beginning to desensitize ourselves by talking about our fear in a safe environment which allows us to respond with appropriate emotions. I asked her about the movies and TV shows I avoid because I either know they have v* scenes or might have v* scenes and she said since I have the script for ativan on hand, if I think I'm ready for that step to go for it.

She promised we can go as slow or as fast as I am comfortable with, so she is not going to force me to take any step that I am too terrified to take.

I am so grateful to be able to take the necessary steps to not let this control me anymore.

Here are my reasons for not wanting to just live with it anymore:
- I want to be able to care for my kids alone when they are s* and not have to ask my hubby to call off work and handle it.
- My dream when my kids are in school full time is to become an elementary school teacher - which I'm afraid to do because I KNOW someone is going to v* in my class sooner or later. I want to be able to have just a normal uncomfortable reaction, not a severe panic reaction when that day comes.

I'll keep you all informed on how I'm progressing!

[jenna23]

Please do My doctor is writing to a therapist to try and get me a course of CBT- it's difficult to get it, since I'm underage.

[troy-anna]

wow bjeanfritz,
what a step you have made. i have had GREAT success with exposure therapy for my severe ocd - in that respect life is so much more managable - not always perfectly comfortable by any means, but i can DO THINGS. I'm a teacher (high school though), and i adore my job so much. my emet makes me a worse teacher and that pisses me off. reclaiming is so empowering. i can't wait to hear your updates.
troy-anna