Dunno How Much Longer I Can Deal With This

[wonkycrayons]

Hello, my name is Sarah, I'm 22, from Ohio and had emetophobia as long as I can remember. In the past months my condition has really flared up and every day is a struggle now. My trigger for this insanity was right around last Halloween when I came down with sv. I hadn't done "it" for about six years at the time and I was in really bad shape, mostly with just nausea and horrible stomach cramps, it lasted five days until I finally went to the doctor and got phenergan. I don't have insurance so thats why I waited so long, anyway I managed to keep down the pills and slept alot, I was better by the next day. I hadn't even tried to eat anything the whole time I this was going on, just had a little water and Coke that my mom made me drink.The first day I was getting better my family was pressuring me eat some crackers at least so I did. Even though my symptoms were gone I lived on Saltines, applesauce and water for about another week. Over the whole course of this ordeal I lost some weight which I kind of like but certainly would never recommend it. Currently I can only really eat frozen foods and only if I buy them and come directly home so they can't thaw any. It helps that its freezing out, dunno what I'll do if I'm still this bad when summer comes. When my phobia is too bad I go days without eating then freak out because I feel nauseous from hunger and I can't tell the difference between that and the real thing anymore, even if I know I'm really hungry. Last night I broke down and pigged out on some pizza that my family ordered, I hadn't had pizza in so long I ate two big slices and two crusts (cheese filled, I love cheese). That sent me into a panic attack thinking the food was contaminated and I had a rough night last night, I slept about four hours. I'm lactose intolerant so why did I even eat all that, sometimes I control myself too much and sometimes I can't control myself at all. I was in the bathroom quite a while with some bowel problems today. I had more cheese like an idiot, a cheeseburger from a fast food restraunt, I hate eating from those places but I was starving and broke down and ate and paniced again, it was so bad I almost made myself sick to get the food I considered contaminated out of my stomach, I have done that in the past a couple times. I ate ravioli, bread and a couple bananas then get recently got really hungry again and had mac n cheese. That will most likely make my lactose intolerance act up again tomorrow. The weird thing is I like eating and I am so hungry all the time, nothing will satisfy me for long. I'm a big girl and overate a lot before my phobia exploded last October my stomach isn't used to not having food so I always have hunger pains. I have them right even though I just ate, I feel like I'll be sick but I know its not true, I'm just hungry but it worries me because I feel tired and achy and well as stomach pain a little. The pain if most likely just the lactose intolerance I guess, maybe I have an ulcer, I don't even know it wouldn't surprise me with all the irrational stress I have. The body aches/tiredness are probably just from being well, tired since I got little sleep last night. For the past two or three days I only sleep 5/6 hours and anyway I have untreated sleep apnea which makes me always tired anyway. If I take my klonopin I can calm down eventually but I'm running out, I get it free from the clinic I go to but they don't give me enough. Sometimes I need two full pills to get through a day instead of the one a day I am prescribed. I'm running out and won't get any until next Tuesday so I am trying to get by cutting a pill in half and half in the morning and another in the evening, its not working too well but life is atleast halfway bearable. I still panic every time I eat and still so darn hungry. I also take Lexapro but it doesn't do anything for me, I can't see my doctor till April, the clinic doesn't even seem to care about the free patients. I'm trying to apply for a medical card and hopefully get a better doctor and get my sleep apnea treated finally. I'm also signing up for SSI since I can't work, I can't talk to anyone cause of my social anxiety and panic attacks. Right now I don't even want to post this cause I know I sound like an idiot, thats what my mind is telling me. Well, thanks if you made it through this long post, I just needed to let it out and I feel a little better. I'm going to go take the shower I've been putting off cause the small space scares me and try to go to bed. I'm a 22 year old woman that is probably going to sleep with her mom tonight. Thanks again everyone.

[rogerstevens]

Im sorry you feel that way but your definately not alone because I am also in the same boat

[wonkycrayons]

Thanks, I can take some comfort at least knowing that there are other people like me. I was really glad to find this forum I've just been too shy to post until last night. I got to bed finally at around 4 and woke up at 1:30. about a half an hour ago. I'm still tired but thats nothing new. My mom & grandma have gone somewhere, I hate being alone I hope they come back soon. I took my Lexapro, can't find the Klonopin, I'll have to wait and ask mom, dunno where she keeps it. I think she thinks I take too much and hides it. I'm really hungry today but I don't know what I'm gonna eat, we don't tend to keep a lot of food in the house at one time and we're gonna have to go to the grocery store later. All we have is salad mix and deli meats and cheese which I'm not going to eat for sure. Thanks for listen to my long story folks, I hope today is better for me and everyone fighting this demon.

[joeylynn]

Welcome to the site. We most certainly understand your problem and are here for you.

BTW I'm in Ohio to - just east of Cleveland. Where are you?

[what_the_frick]

I'm from Ohio, too!! Welcome

As for your intolerance .. my youngest son has a dairy protein allergy. If he consumes too much, he v*s. I'm slowly reintroducing bits of dairy to him and so far, so good. But I found he could tolerate mozzerella cheese (as in on pizza or or string cheese) just fine. When we first found out, I would make any food requiring milk with Lactaid or Soy milk and got him lactose-free cheese. I had to check ingredients in EVERYTHING .. by the time we figured out he had it, he had become hypersensitive. Maybe try substituting some lactose things for non-lactose, give your tummy a break.

As for wanting your Mom .. no shame in that. When my kids and I caught the sv* in Dec, I called my Mom the following morning and asked her to come over. Still want my Mom when I'm sick, even though I'm 28

[olschesky]

i'm originally from ohio too.....elyria...just west of cleveland...moved south to get warm ....maybe emet has something to do with ohio.....lol

anyway, welcome to the site.....it is very helpful to read and post and if you're in a bad place there's usually someone on here to chat with.....

you are soooo not alone

[wonkycrayons]

Thanks everyone, I'm from Bryan Ohio btw, in the Northwest corner of the state. A small place, no one has ever heard of it. I was having a real bad time when I made mega paragraph up there, I'm feeling better today, I woke up with feeling bad but I tend to get better as the day goes on. Seems like I did have some kind of cold or something, I'm pretty much over it now. Thanks again, I feel really good knowing just knowing other people go through this day to day just like I do.

[psalm139]

we are ALL for you!! We understand completely!! I have been on this site since August but haven;t been on much. I am glad I am back I needed this. Thanks for sharing

[Mama76]

I'm from Ohio, too!! Welcome

As for your intolerance .. my youngest son has a dairy protein allergy. If he consumes too much, he v*s. I'm slowly reintroducing bits of dairy to him and so far, so good. But I found he could tolerate mozzerella cheese (as in on pizza or or string cheese) just fine. When we first found out, I would make any food requiring milk with Lactaid or Soy milk and got him lactose-free cheese. I had to check ingredients in EVERYTHING .. by the time we figured out he had it, he had become hypersensitive. Maybe try substituting some lactose things for non-lactose, give your tummy a break.

As for wanting your Mom .. no shame in that. When my kids and I caught the sv* in Dec, I called my Mom the following morning and asked her to come over. Still want my Mom when I'm sick, even though I'm 28

I would be interested in hearing about your son's symptoms, I believe my son has it. I have emetophobia and it is really hard on me. Right now he is lying in bed crying and he has had a lot of milk/ice cream today. Keep meaning to take him off it to see the difference. Any info you have would be great.

Melissa