Help me! How do I get my husband to understand

[eyekandie55]

My husband just doesn't get it, he thinks I just shake it off. How can I get him to understand that this is a real phobia and I can't just shake it off

[lizpuff]

Is he afraid of anything? If he is tell him to go expose himself to his fear. See if he can just shake it off.

I had problems with my husband too. He thought I could just get over it by telling me about all the germs in life and that phobias are irrational. He even tried printing pictures for exposure therapy. I had a hard time but eventually sat him down and looked him in the eye and told him just how much it hurt me that he did those things. That I wanted to get better but I couldn't just get rid of the phobia overnight. It took me an hour or two and tears were shed but he got the point.

[eyekandie55]

Thank you. I showed him this website. He said he's trying to understand it but it's difficult because he fears nothing. It's crazy but this man is like a superhero. Nothing bothers him

[PinkButterfly]

MEN. I've had several arguments about it with my boyfriend. But he's been with me for so long that he gets my weird ways of being, but never really knew it was because of the fear. I finally told him and it all clicked. Thats when the arguments came about because he think its irrational, which it is. But not at all irrational in our minds... He gets the idea, but thinks i'll get over it.. Apparently not what I've read when people are saying it only gets worse with age

[olschesky]

i handed my laptop to my husband and let him explore this website.....i pointed out posts that really sounded exactly how i feel.......he seems to understand and told me if i needed to talk about it and he now understands when i just want to be left alone.....or don't want to go out.......he promsed me he would never laugh or make fun of me and that he would do his best to understand.....so far so good!
let your husband read more posts......find ones where people are "in the moment" they explain our feelings the best.....

good luck!

[amarkham01]

MEN. I've had several arguments about it with my boyfriend. But he's been with me for so long that he gets my weird ways of being, but never really knew it was because of the fear. I finally told him and it all clicked. Thats when the arguments came about because he think its irrational, which it is. But not at all irrational in our minds... He gets the idea, but thinks i'll get over it.. Apparently not what I've read when people are saying it only gets worse with age

It might seem that way, but I don't think it's completely true. Think about it, if you started feeling loads better, you wouldn't come on this website anymore. So only the people who are doing poorly come here. The ones who get over it go off and have normal lives. I bet if we did a survey of people's ages, it would be mostly people under 30. Maybe I'll try a post on that....or see if there's already been one. Dont' lose hope!

[ann32]

i am about to be 33 and my phobia is getting worse. i have a 5 yr old and an almost 3 yr old and i have to fight every day becasue it is going around our town so badly. i used to pull my kids out of school for 2 or 3 months during this season but I know how irrational that is and i cant make them suffer for my phobia. it just seems like here people are getting 2 or 3 times...It is crazy to me. Oh well, my husband doesnt understand either he tells me to get ove it as well. he really hurt my feelings last night when he called me ridiculous. I just cried and cried...becasue seriously...none of want this phobia, or want to live this way, we want to be free of it! They just don't get it...

[qpaulina42]

My husband used to fake v* and gag for nearly a year thinking he could cure me by exposure.... Thankfully he has stopped now

Also, I'm 28 and my emet is either the same or a little better. My worst emet was around 23.

[polkadotprincess123]

Nobody can ever understand what we go through. not unless they ever suffer the phobia themselves.

[abbi]

You should print off some brief information about Emetophobia, and let him read it.

[LyndseyMacD]

My husband doesn't get it. To him I have not "grown up" don't love our kids and am extremely selfish. He threatens to put Ipecac in my food to make me sick. Says he hopes and prays the kids get sick and v* on me.
They don't get the fear. Irrational horrible fear. One of my sons had a seizure, he says it was the scariest thing he ever felt. Being so little in laying on the floor... His "whole" body felt that fear. I don't know how to get him to understand that I get that SAME whole body fear with v*. Uncontrollable panic. I don't know how to get them to understand, that it isn't something I can fix. Just push through. I HATE being this way.

[qpaulina42]

yikes on the ipecac - that's a little harsh...

[BreaRose]

I would maybe recommend telling him that is has nothing to do with rationality or selfishness. It's something that you can't help at this current time and that making you v* will only make it WORSE and probably make you lose trust in him.

Or, tell him that if he truely believes those things about you then maybe he should read THIS website. Or even just the FAQ with the symptoms and treatments and all that.

[MichaelUK]

If I can chime in...slightly OT...I'm a partner who tries hard to understand and be accepting. Please remember that even the most understanding partner is going to sometimes balk in the face of irrational fear. When we've been to your concert hall 34 times and not once to one of my football matches because of the disparity in cleanliness of the two venues, as much as I know the reasons why, it hurts.

Best of luck to all of you getting your partners and spouses to understand, but sometimes we need understanding from you too!

[Peter]

Perhaps unorthodox but like everyone else our partners also have fears and hangups. Find out what it may be, i.e. fear of cats, dogs, horses, falling, airplanes, fire, water, gore, death, etc. and try equating- or respecting- their fear (or fears) with those of your own.

These games go two ways, tit for tat; in other words, what's good for the goose....

Then if you don't get respect, go for the juglar and v* on his or her side of the bed and see what happens.