started treatment-so difficult but I'm trying hard for the sake of my kids

[mama]

Hey all. I am currently writing a blog on my experience with emetophobia. I have just been offered the start of treatment on the nhs after 6 yrs of pestering and fighting to get on a waiting list. I would love to try and help you as I get help and pass on some great coping tips. Very early days yet but I have made some lifestyle improvements already. Without explaining ourselves we all know how controlling this phobia is. I am learning to compete with emetophobia but am still losing the fight at times. However the positive thing is that I finally have the courage to fight this phobia in the first place!!!

[mama]

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[lisalulu]

I am so happy to hear this! Good luck to you!
I am fighting hard to recover as well as I have a 7 month old daughter who means the world to me. Check out my post in the 'treatments' section as I am coming up on a year and a half on a waiting list for treatment and still waiting so I decided to devise my own treatment program until they finally help me.
I am completely set on recovery by the end of this year if not sooner and I hope to improve significantly by the end of this month. I've been working hard every day. If you want any tips/help/encouragement let me know. I am ready to accept sickness and V* as a part of life if it means enjoying all the moments in between and letting my daughter have a wonderful life. I would die for her, which means I will v* for her too.
You're doing the right thing!!!

[mama]

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[mama]

thanks lisalulu, I really loved your comment about being able to enjoy the bits inbetween. That is the stage I am aiming for at the min- still early days. I shall have a look at your posts and get some inspiration x

[lisalulu]

I felt the same way the first time I let my daughter suck on a rattle from the communal toys at our baby and me class (I always brought our own toys from home and she was none the wiser). The look of joy on her face as she ate the 'new' rattle was so incredible that I just let go and let her be exposed. She didn't get sick. I know she will at some point, but there is no stopping it anyway. Focus on their joy, it will help.

[dixy]

Hi Mama and Lisalulu,
I find posts like these really useful! I am really easily influenced (even as a grown woman of 33) and have found my fears stronger after reading posts on here. I do want to get better and not live with this fear. Although I do lead a very normal life, the thought of passing emet on to my 2 children scares me. I do have it mildly compared to others on this site. Although I wash my hands a lot, I bite my nails almost constantly. I am aware of germs when we are out and about, but my youngest daughter wants to lick everything she sees!

Lisalulu- I think I will try the websites you have suggested. Maybe I will try some home therapy by myself and see if it helps. I suppose when you are in therapy, the counsellor pushes you when you are struggling. I am not sure I would do that to myself. But I really want to learn to sort this out before I get worse!!!

Mama- if you have any tips..I am happy to hear them..and good for you to pester, now you have the help you have needed for so long!

[amie.essex]

Hi, its so so good to hear your story - you sound so similar to me!

I am 26 (27 next month) and have two children aged 6 and 2 and I start therapy tomorrow. Its just an initial appointment to talk through my problems (on top of the phobia I was diagnosed with ocd and anxiety disorder) and to decide on a treatment plan.

In a lot of ways my mind is telling me that I dont want/need to beat this phobia - I'm so scared of stopping being 'careful' but I'm determined to do it for my children. My eldest is definately starting to pick up on my anxiety and her poor little hands are cracked and sore from washing and not drying them properly - I feel so guilty.

Anyway, please keep me updated on how you're doing and what your treatment involves xx

PS Mama if you dont mind me asking - where in the UK are you? (obviously dont answer that if you dont want to just wondered if you were anywhere near me in Essex)

[lisalulu]

I am finding the Anxiety and Phobia workbook quite useful. It attacks the problem from all angles because although this is a phobia and should be treated as one I know that phobias are often our body's way of channeling stress. I know my emet gets far worse in highly stressful times that have nothing to do with illness.
In the past I had already discovered that no caffiene/alcohol/sugar, regular exercise, a healthy diet, regular sleep, ect cut back on my anxiety but this book covers even more. Today I did a bit of a spring cleaning and got rid of all sorts of 'projects' that were gathering dust (ie a scarf i've been knitting for 4 years even though I hate knitting) because as you know most of us are perfectionists and unfinished projects lurk in the back of our minds and add to our anxiety. I'm freeing myself of anything like that so I can focus my time and energy on things I really need/want to do.
I'm glad there are other moms on here set on getting better for the sake of our kids. I try to avoid reading all the freak out posts about various foods/outbreaks/germs/places you can get sick and only read the posts that sound like they are about treatment or something positive.

[ann32]

I am the same way, I am 33 and have 2 boys that are 5 and 3. I am struggling every single day with letting be boys becasue I just freak out. I am out of town now but I just found out that our town has closed the hospitals due to noro and so have nearby counties. I am going to be out of town for a week but I am still debating if I am going to put the kiddos back in school when we get back. I am just freaking out...Plus my husband is still in town and he will be arriving by plane to where we are and I freaking he will bring it to us...UGH I am so over this, I just want to get better. PLease tell me what all this CBT treatment is. I am very curious and I have never heard of it.

[lisalulu]

CBT is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. From what I gather it's a combo of talking yourself out of panic and facing your fears in tiny increments (for me it's a combo of looking at pictures/videos of v* and doing little things that make me nervous- like eating out during noro season or not washing my hands as often).
The past two nights I haven't felt well, probably because my 7 month old is going through a sleep strike and is waking up every hour all night and I'm just plain exhausted. Anyway whenever I got one of those waves of feeling 'off', instead of letting myself think that maybe I was coming down with a sv I just told myself 'you're just anxious and burnt out' and then distracted myself with an activity or some reading. It worked amazingly well because the feeling would pass without becoming worse, I would feel better and it re-enforced that yes, most of the time you just feel like crap because you're anxious and tired.

[dixy]

My youngest daughter has never really slept well, and its amazing how a good night sleep can make you feel better. Children for me have made me face my fear. I have to get on with the day..I cannot spend the day in my PJs , I have to take them out to nursery, walks etc. I can often feel slightly n* around 3 in the afternoon..but now my eldest child is at school I HAVE to go out and collect her. Once I come home I have forgotten about the n*. The worst time for me is at night..My youngest daughter has a cold at the moment and has lots of mucus. She keeps dry heaving, but nothing yet..Its gonna be tonight I bet!!! And my husband is not home tonight! I will cope though...cos I have no choice but to get on with it!

I must have a look at these websites... and maybe we could all support each other in this?

[lisalulu]

I know this seems weird but something that has been cutting back on my anxiety lately has been spring cleaning. My mind tends to obsess about something at all times, but it sickness, a project or something else. So I've been doing this insane spring cleaning this week- the basement, the kitchen cupboards, closets, you name it and it's been such a gigantic task that it's constantly on my mind. As a result I've hardly thought about sickness at all. I think it helps with the other therapy if you're relaxed over all and getting this place in order, having a project and just spring in general are really helping me. Just an idea for you guys!

[mama]

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[lisalulu]

I completely understand how you must feel, especially being alone 14 days at a time with 3 young children.
My biggest fear when my husband got noro 2 weeks ago was that if I caught it I would be unable to look after my baby. She won't take a bottle and I don't know how I could nurse her if I was really sick. Then I worried that I would get it while my husband was at work and I would be unable to reach him to come home and she would be alone and screaming. Then I worried she would hear me being sick while she was alone and screaming and develop emet herself.
I find Monday really difficult as my husband stays downtown after work, goes to hockey and doesn't get home until around 10 pm. For many hours he can't be reached at all and I'm terrified of coming down with it right after he's left work. I also get wary sometimes around noon in case he's on his lunch break and I can't call him to come home (we don't have a mobile). I also worry I'll be out in public and come down with it and not be able to get my daughter home safely.
I understand how you must feel with 14 day stretches without your husband (and 3 times as many children!) They say that people with anxiety and phobias always think worst case scenarios with everything. I don't know how to change that, but I'm learning to counteract each fear with a solution in place.
-My friend was able to nurse her daughter while she had noro recently- her husband just held the baby up to her in between v* and then was ready to pull her away at a moment's notice. Although this sounds horrid and we also have some solid food, water and some frozen breastmilk to give her in a pinch. You're generally only s* 12 hours so she can survive without nursing that long really!
-If I can't reach my husband I can call his mom, my sister/brother in law or even my neighbors to come help until my husband can come home
-If I'm sick in public I can get her and myself home. It would be awful but I would do it.
-I can go downstairs to be s* if I'm alone with her so she doesn't hear me.

I'm sure you can line up a contingency plan for the worst case scenario. Really it will give you peace of mind as it's rare to happen, but it is good to be prepared.

I also understand about jumping at every little cough. My daughter is learning new sounds and some of them sound like gagging but she's just trying to talk! I always jump 10 feet when she does it though! Also when she's crying in her crib and I go to get her I always wonder if she's crying because she's s*. But it's always hunger or teething or she bonked her head!
I do find that her constant v* from overeating is really helping me desensitize to her being s* because I see her do it all the time. I know now that if she v* for any reason that isn't contagious to me I'll be totally fine looking after her (colds, overeating, motion sickness, ect) which is a relief to me. It's just the sv fear I need to get over.
Hang in there. Make yourself a sign that says 'Do it for them!' to remind you. And enjoy the moments in between!

[ann32]

Im so impressed. WHy do we struggle with this so much? Last year my husband was deployed to Iraq for a year, my children never got sick, I think God knew that I couldnt handle it haha. I never worry about anything except the SV it kills me and it is getting worse. I guess I have to do the same and get the kiddos back in school next week, but I took this little vacation and used my birthday as an excuse, but I really needed to get away from all the sickness. I do really want to keep them out next week too but I dont know. My 5 yr old would be so upset if I didn't let him go to school .I think what is making this worse for me is that so many adults are getting this, over the kids at least the ones that I know, so I know that is making my mind even more nuts!

[mama]

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[ann32]

Thanks Mama- you are so brave! I would not purposely take my child somewhere if I knew there was an outbreak. Well I did take my 5 yr old son to school and when I got there I found out he was the only other child in the class with 1 kid...But I let him stay...Ugh so stressful .i am actually really goodi n the summer, bbqs, parks, museums, kids museums everything, it doesnt even bother me nor do I think about it in the summer...but when I hear of the 1st or 2nd people getting it and how close they are to me...my mind starts in!!!

[psalm139]

I am so proud that you are going through thearpy for this!! I am to but I have more down days than up days. I agree with Ann32 I am the same way in the summer perfectly fine. It is when school starts I begin the countdown...and the OCD and the cleaning. I try for the sake of my kids not to show it in front of them but alas they see it.. I am praying that this helps you!! I am looking for a good treatment myself....no hypno though

[overload21]

It is soo soo good to know that I am not the only mother fighting this terrible phobia. My son is four and he is my heart, my sould, my world. I love him more than anything else in this world.

I can totally relate to you Mama, about having your anxiety peak at night. Every single sound my son makes, I jump 20 feet in the air and my heart races. He used to sleep in the bed with me and my husband. (We had the family bed thing) but one night he v* in my bed and that was the end of that. I guess it would be strange anyway to have a four year old boy still in bed with his parents but, i loved it. Being close to him and knowing he was safe. But anyway, my point is that I now have to leave a loud fan on at night to keep his every noise out of my mind. Sometimes when I get super scared and start to panic, I will cover my ears with my pillow. I feel awful about that, because what if he really needed me? But i can hear through my pillow enough to hear him if he actually said something. We have a tiny house so that's not really a problem.

Anyway, I am very intersted in any tips from any of you moms out there. I have yet to find anyone around me that feels the way I do. I am so jelous of all the moms who can get on facebook and just post about their kids being sick, and then turn around and post about how they are excited that CSI comes on that night!!! How do they do it? I always wondered, since my son has been born, how my mother coped when my sister and I were sick. she was sooo normal. She would talk on the phone and laugh, and cook supper and eat, even still go out with friends when we were well the next day. I have NEVER laughed the day after me or my son or husband has been sick. I envy her strength.

I also might add that I am currently taking pre-requisits for nursing school. CRAZY!!! I am sooo afraid that I am going to get into nursing school and then flunk out and let my husband and family down because of this fear. We are hoping to buy a new, much bigger, house soon and if I don't graduate in three years like I said I would, we will be in a major mess. We have based our future on my career. We know that grade wise, I will make it. What nobody knows is how paralyzing this phobia can be for me. What am I going to do? Plus, I live in a Rural area of the US and emetophobia is absolutely un-heard-of!!1! Even with psychologists and therapists! So do ya'll have any suggestions for me? I would also love to have another child but am too afraid of that child getting sick to do so.

AHHH! I have stressed myself out. I am only 21 by the way. So I'm younger than most of you moms on here. Any advice or words of wisdom will be greatly appriciated!!

[lisalulu]

I understand your fear of having another. I feel like with just one there will be less illnesses coming home and also it will avoid the chance of the kids passing it around to each other once one brings it home. I also have no idea how I would handle morning sickness again while caring for the child I do have, it took everything I had to make it through it the first time. However, if I ever do beat this phobia I may want a second child. Or I might want to just relax and enjoy a phobia free life with the one I already have.
I find the fact that my daughter v* from overeating so often is really helping me get used to her being s*. I know I can't catch it at this point so I don't have to panic but it's really getting me desensitized to the sight/sound and smell of her being sick since it happens every day.
Right now I am using the anxiety and phobia workbook and finding it helpful. I think motherhood can push you in either direction- it can make you worse or it can make you fight to get better. I've decided to fight.

[overload21]

Who is the author of that workbook lisalulu? I have checked out a couple of them and they didn't seem good enough for emet.

[shootingstar]

I've really enjoyed reading all these post as they are so much like me (& probably every other emet mum )

It is good to read about other emet mums & their experiences without getting too freaked out myself

My son has just started kinder in February & it does take it's toll on me, but also I am learning to 'desensitize' myself by touching the hand rails, letting my son drink out of the bubblers etc, as much as that drives me crazy & I would have never allowed that before, but the more I do, or let him do in front of me, it gets a tiny, tiny bit easier each time..

[Elski]

My God, I could have written some of these posts myself - word for word! I don't know whether to be over the moon that there are other people that feel the same way I do, or incredibly sad that we're all inmates of the same mental prison !