Can feel the success

[kimmiekoko]

I can feel what the success of overcoming this phobia would be like and have touched it a few times but I haven't quite made it all the way across yet.

It seems odd to me that at times I am actually able to let go of the worry more than at other times. I will go out places and not seem to worry or obsess if I don't wash my hands as routinely as usual and forget to not touch my face after touching objects out in public. At times I've been able to go to the movies without being on edge the whole time worrying if someone is going to get sick near me.
I think stress plays a big part in with me. Also, having OCD only complicates it further. I have generalized anxiety disorder so I think all these things build it up to be more intense than ever.

When I was working on my OCD with a therapist doing CBT work this was #1 on my heirarchy list. The other things were a lot easier to accomplish in therapy but this one was a little difficult. But I did have success with it once while going to therapy, I actually got sick one night. What I did was challenged the anxiety thoughts that always pop up at that time and began to counteract them with questions to myself. I did some EFT on myself and repeated relax and calm and just let go. It was really something because even though I did go ahead and get sick I was able to feel more relaxed and accepting of it than normal. I kept telling myself that this is just my body's way of getting rid of something that shouldn't be there in order to help me feel better, that it will all be over in a matter of seconds and there's no big deal here, I'm not dying, just let it go and let it happen, all is well.
I could really feel my anxiety level plummeting. I convinced my subconscious mind that everything was fine and that I had no room for fear, had no time for fear or worry.

The problem in my case is that I did that one time but then I immediately resort back to my usual behavior.
I have been successful in standing up to my fear in a lot of other areas, but with this one I am meeting more resistance to change for some reason. All I can really do is decide to become more aware of when these thoughts pop up and I should know by now that first you have to have the thought, then the emotion and behavior follows. The time to do something is as soon as you become aware of the thought but then you have to have the intention to pay attention to when that time happens.

[lisalulu]

Great post!
My emet comes and goes for long periods of time- I've been completely housebound and I've also been 99% fine where I do all sorts of things like fly, go on boats, eat out and basically live a normal life. I find that other anxiety in my life or huge changes really fuels my emet, as does winter, lack of exercise and poor diet.
When my emet is better it always comes down to the moment- if I feel genuinely sick (I'm less likely to worry about every 'twinge' at these times) or if someone near me actually gets sick. I'm just wondering how you get over the fear entirely because I'm going to be exposed/sick one hell of a lot more now that I have a child and my reaction to my husband getting noro a couple weeks ago was a real eye opener of how NOT well I really am deep down.
I think you're right about trying to catch your thoughts those times when the sickness happens. I v* last year when I was pregnant and I remember trying to tell myself to hold onto the memory of how NOT THAT BAD it really was, although soon after I was back to the same old, same old.
I guess if you're living an almost totally normal life how do you get rid of that tiny bit of fear left? Because whenever my life gets stressful that fear grows again and gets out of control.
Sounds like you're doing great though!!! Congrats!!

[olschesky]

love your story......i would gratefully settle for just a little anxiety from time to time.........someday i hope

congrats!

[kimmiekoko]

I think repetition is how you get rid of the tiny bit of fear left, afterall repetition is exactly how the fear grew into what it is now. It takes replacing the current meaning of it into a new meaning. Right now it feels like a huge threat because of the meaning we gave to it at the time of the negative experience with it, so now our subconscious mind brings back that same emotion over and over.
That usually works really well on other kinds of phobias but with this particular one I find that its more difficult because you don't have to be exposed to it enough to be able to use the repetition of the new. If we were able to be exposed to it over and over enough times we would be able to help ourselves be desensitized to it and change the meaning into one that doesn't feel threatening anymore.

Thanks Lisalulu and olschesky for the encouragement!

[lisalulu]

I think since we actually v* so few times the best way to desensitize ourselves to ourselves actually v* would be to let go and accept you're going to v* and try to relax all of those times you're n* and panicking (even though you rarely do v* anyway). It's not the actual v* but the anxiety in the moment before that really get us and we experience that anxiety constantly in thinking we're about to v* every time we feel 'off'. I woke up feeling sick and had a panic attack the other night and I really was convinced I was going to v* so instead of my usual thought of 'oh please don't let me be sick' I kept saying to myself over and over 'it's ok if you're sick, jay (my husband) will look after you'. it will be fine'
I'm not sure if it helped but if you can do this over and over every time you panic about the possibility of being s* maybe eventually you'll be ok with it even if you don't actually v* 99% of those times???

[kimmiekoko]

That's true. In my case my fear is a lot more extreme with the thought of someone near me getting sick. I do panic when I get nauseated somewhat but I think because I seem to get nauseated so often now with this gastritis problem that I have already become more desensitized to it with my own self.
You're right about reminding yourself every time you have the panic thought, counteracting that upsetting thought.

[lisalulu]

I'm the opposite, I'm getting more desensitized others being sick, namely my daughter as she upchucks on me daily because she has no off switch on her appetite. I thought it didn't bother me because it was just milk at first but now that she's eating other foods it's still not bothering me just because it happens SO often. I'm more worried now about her being contagious some day and me being freaked out about the idea of me getting it. So I'm working on my own fear in the meantime.

[kimmiekoko]

Wow, I guess if I had ever gotten past my fears of having a kid I might have gotten desensitized to it. I never was able to get past the fear of having one due to having this fear along with another one concerning weight. I had some pretty traumatic relationships in the past and never felt stable enough in the relationships to actually feel alright about getting pregnant. Since then I got married to the greatest guy ever and things are 100% opposite of my past but now I'm already too old to even think about it anymore. If I was a lot younger and in my current situation I might have managed to get the courage to face my fear and have a kid.
My husband is one of those that says he hardly ever throws up, no gastrointestinal problems or anything kind of health problems so I'm never exposed to it often except if I'm out in public and it happens, which it has several times recently and the memories stay stuck in my mind creating the anxiety. When I told my husband about the fear of others in public getting sick he just said "well how likely is that, I never see anyone in public getting sick". I think maybe the reason he says that is simply because he is not focused on that because he doesn't have the problem or any anxiety, not looking for it.