So angry with myself!!!!!!!

[trickyvicky]

Well today i have turned 32 and really wanted to enjoy this one as for the last few years my emet and agoraphobia has really got the better of me............I wasn't suppose to be doing alot,but i was looking forward to going to my parents for lunch(roast) and then taking the dogs out for a long walk,its great weather here today in Plymouth and this morning i was looking forward to it............but it came to about 12pm and i started to feel anxious i had some strange feeling in my stomach and my neck is really stiff and feels heavy,now i do get this on occasions but i think because its my b'day i just wanted everything to go nice..........so i made it to my mums,which is about 5mins in the car,feeling anxious all the way but i knew i could make that..............mum had made a lovely roast and was even going to make me a Victoria sponge for my b'day cake............so i sit down to eat but i started to get hot and anxious.....i did eat all my dinner but straight away felt spaced out and uneasy.........i stood outside in the cool air for a while but had to come in as my dog decided to poo in front of me,and my stomach couldn't face it.......they always do it at the wrong time lol!!!!!!!!!! so i came back in but my stomach felt like i needed to do the #2,and i really hate feeling like this at my mums because it brings back so many vivid memory's of the very few times i was ill,while living at home.........i decided to excuse myself and said that today was not a great day for me,and i feel so angry with myself that i couldn't stay and just let my mum fuss over me for once..............i seem to have a real problem with this!!!! makes me anxious.......she even said she would come back with me so we could still take the dog out but i just said i wanted to be on my own.......how cruel am i!!!!!!! I just wish on a day like today i could have been emet free and anxiety free,so that i could enjoy........i mean i know its not like being 18 or 21 but i still wanted a good one as its not been great for nearly 4yrs now..............but anyway i just needed to share this as i just wish i could have stayed in the situation and hopefully it would have passed.........but i couldn't .....what a failure i am............sorry I'm just being negative.........Vicky stop it!!!!! anyway i need to walk the dog myself now.take care


vicky xx

[jazz]

happy 32nd!
vicky, it's not your fault that you weren't feeling so hot.. and just because it isn't a milestone as such, you still deserved to have a fantastic time.
lol- i think you should blame your dog for this one, and just because you needed your own space afterwards..it doesn't mean you should feel guilty! it was *your* event!
i hope that something makes up for your slightly disappointing day..[img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]maybe you should go out and treat yourself tosomething that you really want.
as for feeling spaced out afterwards, it's probably safe to blame your anxiety..i always feel sick on my birthday because im almost overwhelmed by what's going on.
i also have problemscoming face to facewith situations that have happened with "sick" at home.. it's not a pleasant way to be reminded is it?
any way, i hope you're feeling a lot better now, and try not to let this incident overshadow your day
have a good one.

[faith-marilyn]

hey vicky, how u feelin now? you're not cruel at all, i'd be proud 4 making it half way thru, theres so much pressure on special occasions to feel ok and get thru the day which makes us worse! uve just popped up on my msn so ill have a chat to u now! hope you're ok xxxxxx

[alliecat]

Awww, I'm so sorry you had a bad day. It happens, you know? You've got to just realize that tomorrow is another day. This, too, shall pass! This could have just been too much excitement for you. I get that way when I get over excited, even when its something not that big. But I've learned that if I don't pay attention to it during those exciting times, it just goes away, you know, the feeling of being too warm, feeling like you need to go #2, really anxious, etc. In those situations, I know its easier said than done, just try not to focus so much of your attention on the fact that your anxiety is flaring up. You've got to enjoy yourself sometimes, you know! You deserve it!


xoxo


Allie


P.S. Happy 32nd Birthday!

[Jenneh]

heya Vicky..


happy birthday you,


im sorry things went a bit rotton, but BE PLEASED WITH URSELF, even tho u were feelin rotton, u went to ur mums and u ate the roast!!! wht wud have bene worse is if u cudnt even do that.... so please, be proud of urself, even a little bit?


you know, last birthday, u might not have accomplished that? so look at it this way, this birthday u can celebrate how ur moving on with life.


Jen xxxxx

[trickyvicky]

Thanks for the reply guys,it means alot,i felt fine when i got home,even thou i was still slightly anxious i did get out with the dog.......but thinking about the date and everything,I'm sure i am due on and i always get this strange feeling around my due date......i can't explain it but i just feel spaced out,but everything is big and rushing around me..............anyway like u say this week is another week and I've got Christmas to look forward to,which is great


take care and thanks again


Vicky xx

[bethany]

This, too, shall pass! Allie's right!!!

you can't beat yourself up over it, i'm proud you went in the first place

have your mom come over some other time, i'm sure she'll understand. One day when you are feeling good i'm sure your mom will come over and fuss over you [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

you are NOT a failure, these are the cards we've been dealt in life. We can change ANY situation with what attitude we approach it with. We have to deal with it, go a little easier on yourself [img]smileys/smilies_13.gif[/img]