meal with friends.

[jazz]

hello all, [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]
i don't know whether any of you will be aware of this. But since summer, when my emet was really bad; i lost touch with a helluva lot of my friends from school. I no longer see my best friend on a regular basis, and my other friends have branched off and moved onto different social circles.
anyway, we all made a pact, despite the fact that we haven't spent much time together since september, that this year we wouldn't buy each other presents because a) there are too many of us, and it's expensive, and b) we never know what each of us want.
however, one of my friends suggested that we go for a meal instead of exchanging gifts this year.
now this will sound really selfish, but my friends KNOW that i have an issue with food. One of my friends mum's said 2 years ago that i simply didn't feel comfortable around meals etc..put it this way, she nailed exactly how i felt[img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img]now they've booked a table in an italian so im completely stuck.[img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img] i despise italian food, the smell is far too heavy for me, and i get really panicked when im in restaurants..


obviously i don't expect them to know this,but they're all aware that i have a big issue attatched to food. there's no way in hell i wanna sound selfish when i say this, or in anyway stop them from having a good time, but i don't know how i will manage to sit through the evening. [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]
my mum has sorta suggested that i don't go, and it's tempting, but i really don't wanna miss out.. bearing that in mind, i eally don't want to end up feeling sick to the stomach either
my friends haven't exactly been loyal recently either..yesterday the four of them went shopping without inviting the rest of us. instead they took a load of lads and blatently talked about their weekend plans all week infront of us
i don't know what to do, really
x

[wing]

=( That's not really nice of them..my friends do that infront of me too. Oh well i figured its because i dont go out with them alot. I dislike travelling and they love going here and there.Well lets say i have two groups of friends. One in school and one that branches back all the way from when i was little. i go out with the onesthat i knew from when i was littleandi try to look at thefun we'll have and thati'm gonnabe with them. i try toforget about the emet. Maybejust try to go and you'll have fun and forget about it for the evening? SorryI know its easier said than done but it helps me and maybe it'll work for you. Well just a suggestion! ^-^.

[Jenneh]

heya,


dont think tht ur friends did that on purpose, im sure its more likelky that they've kinda forgot about ur "issues with food". my friends forget about my "issue with v*". because it doesnt run their lives, lke it does ours.


i was supposed to go to a meal with my friends on saturday night, but i turned it dwn, because i was feeling really anxious. and i've probalby pissed them off, bt thats wat iv got to deal with being emetophobic.


its like having a little toddler that you have to constantly think of, and look after, making sure it does what u want, so that it doesnt make ur life hell


Jen xxxxxxxx

[roxi27]

This is a difficult situation. I have had the same group of
friends my whole life. They have gotten used to me staying home
while they all go out and party, but they still invite me every
time. As for the dinner instead of presents....it's a good idea
for them, but not for you. Are these girls your closest
friends? If so maybe you need have a talk with them? They
know about your fears, yet they went ahead and made plans without
you. You are not in the wrong for being upset. I know you
don't want to spoil their fun, but it's Christmas time...a time for
giving and understanding. My friends and I can't afford presents
for everyone either, so we are doing a gift exchange. We each buy
one gift and exchange them when we get together. We will meet at
a local, non-crowded bar of my choice. They don't see me much as
is, so for Christmas they work things around me. They are truly
wonderful. You need to discuss this with your friends.
Maybe they can go out to dinner, and you can all get together somewhere
else another night. Ask them if you can pick the place. If
they have a problem with this, it might be time to make some new
friends. You are not being selfish......Carrie

[jazz]

thanks everyone, some really good suggestions here.
i dunno y'know.. im torn. i have four of my friends whocanact spoilt and fake, they move on from one party to another, and i know that even if we "did" gofor this meal, ie) all of us, it wouldn't be a big thing in their eyes because its' just another social event tothem, am i making sense?
also, i risk feeling sick..as jenneh said, it'ssomething im gunna have to struggle to keep under raps.
They have a tendency to jump from one party to the next, and id like to think im not like that..


i know they didn't do this intentionally, but it kinda reflects how neglectful they've been recently.. by blatently going ahead and booking a meal without asking anyone where they would liked to have gone.



additionally, i don't know whether i want to spend an evening with supposed friends who bitch and moan about one another, and chase various boys in a bid to get attention..sorry im rambling like crazy.



there are few foods in an italian that i eat..but im willing to sit through the evening so long as they quit excluding us from their fun.
i don't want to turn this into a huge bitchfest, but one of them spent £2000 purely on clothes last month on ONE shopping trip to london..she's 14!!!!



this is what they're generally like.
i can't fit in with them when they behave like that, because it's not somethnig im comfortable with. i guess im trying to say im not "cliquey" and im not comfortable eating around people like that.
last year i was so much closer to them..and this is what one summer has done!

[izzybee]

<UL>
<LI>i have four of my friends whocanact spoilt and fake, they move on from one party to another, and i know that even if we "did" gofor this meal, ie) all of us, it wouldn't be a big thing in their eyes because its' just another social event tothem, am i making sense?
</LI>
<LI>i know they didn't do this intentionally, but it kinda reflects how neglectful they've been recently.. by blatently going ahead and booking a meal without asking anyone where they would liked to have gone.</LI>
<LI>
additionally, i don't know whether i want to spend an evening with supposed friends who bitch and moan about one another, and chase various boys in a bid to get attention..sorry im rambling like crazy.</LI>
<LI>
excluding us from their fun.
</LI>
<LI>one of them spent £2000 purely on clothes last month on ONE shopping trip to london..she's 14!!!!</LI>[/list]

I can sympahise with all those points above. I'm going through the same situation with my friends - its really tough. I used to have loads of friends - but now I ony have 1 real friend.


Its nasty that they've gone and booked this - but they wernt to know. ts totally up tp ypu if you want to go. It will probably be scarry - but I'm sure that you'l settle into once you're there. You can also sit at the end of the table, so if you want to leave theres nos topping you. You can leave when you want to.


I hope this stuation get better- I think these siituations do with time - well I hope so! [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]

[bethany]

I am very sorry about your friends. It is normal to go through this until you find your true friends. Other than my twin sister, i can only say that i have two one hundred percent loyal friends. Especially young girls can be very hurtful and mean.

We may be jumping to conclusions, so i would talk to them about it, and see if they'll change. And if they dont want to change it for you, then how good of friends were they in the first place?? good luck, let us know, we will come beat their ASS*s if you want [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[jazz]

yey! thank youu! funnily enough, that would make me feel a whole lot better bethany lol..i shouldn't say that, i know it's mean
guh, i feel so excluded from everything they do y'know? i can appreciate the way all girls can be like this..but last year, if one of us had been ill, the rest of us would be really concerned.. now, it's a case of don't care, don't wanna know. it's so ignorant if nothing else
in a way, im looking forward to this meal because it's something that they've included me in.. but im so tired of having to worry about( not only emet )but,who im going to sit next to at lunch and who is going to want to sit next to me in maths- it's soo primary school stuff,and it's things that never bothered me until now
izzy, im glad you have someone who you can rely on, everyone should have someone like that in high school

[redapple]

high school can be frustrating--a time for struggling around 'cliques' and 'fitting in', etc. I went thru that, very few people dont. i was lucky to have my sister (bethany). Then, in college, being surrounded by more mature people, made me feel a lot better. Here, people are not into excluding others-- everyone is into learning new things and becoming better people by hanging out and learning from everyone else. You must look forward to a time when this will surround you. For now you are in high school, and one of the characteristics of high school is NASTY, IMMATURE GIRLS. You will come to a time a few years from now when you look back on those 4 girls who are making you feel inferior and think , "Why did i ever let such pettiness get to me? I'm way better than that" BECAUSE YOU ARE! In the meantime, concentrate on these things:


playing sax, clari, piano, shopping, comedy, cooking ironically, and the colour green


which are things in your profile that are important to YOU!![img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img] Become stronger in them and cultivate the beautiful things in yourself. You are a great person in and of your SELF alone-- goodness and beauty do not come solely from your relationships with other people. Especially girls who are not willing to grow up yet.


i know i babbled, it's just really important to me that you feel better and not let thoughts like this surround you!! Because i went thru the same thingatyour age -no one can make you feel inferiorunless you let them, and i definitely let some people get to me! Try your hardest not to!!


xoxo

[jazz]

aw redapple, you've really cheered me up.[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img](hug)
high school should should SO be issued with a warning..[img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img]funnily enough, ive found myself becoming less affected, somehow..
the thing that gets to me is, iv never ever had to be on my own, and now it's like..no-one rushes to be my partner in gym class like they would have done last year.. you know?
you're right, it is petty, there's no other word to describe girls who are up themselves like that i guess..
what's the facsination with boys?!

[stefy2113]

I used to have friends similar to yours and it's hard! I know exactly how you feel, trust me! I wish someone would have warned me how difficult highschool is before I started. But the only thing I can suggest is if these girls are your best friends perhaps you should tell them how you're feeling. I know that sounds cheesy but it's worth your time. Also, a trick I learned for dealing with my anxiety when I am in public is to wear a rubber band around my wirst. Anytime I feel like I am going to have a panic attack I snap it. I don't know what it is but it seems to calm me down. It doesn't make my stomach stop hurting but it takes my mind off of it fora little while.

[jazz]

hey thanks, ill try that..and maybe having a talk to them is worth it in the long run- it'll save me coming on here and boring you all to death lol.
it's the whole, sitting at a table surrounded by friends, feeling ick which bothers me..guh! why can't these stupid trivial things be emet-free?!