Hi there! I joined this group about a year ago when my emetophobia was at its height (I'm much better now than I was then), but only just now did they fix my email address so I could actually log in (I entered it incorrectly when I registered... oops!). Just want to share my story and maybe get some insight.

I believe my case was only moderate at its worse, and mild in general. I don't really remember having so much a FEAR of v* growing up, but I always found it deeply disturbing. I never could watch scenes in movies and if there's one I didn't expect, it basically sends shockwaves through me and I can't stop thinking about it. I always assumed that my reactions were normal, but I realized when other people watch the same scenes without even flinching. I don't worry about v* myself because I know it's a normal response to HELP the body, I just can't stand it when other people do it near me.

Last year, my uneasiness launched into full-on emetophobia. I'm not sure what triggered it, but at some point I realized my reactions to the topic were more severe than they used to be. My boyfriend showed me a movie where he forgot there was a graphic scene (he knew I didn't like it, so he always tried to warn me beforehand) and I cried hysterically for about 20 minutes. Around the same time, I realized that in class, instead of paying attention, I would look at who was sitting around me and plan my escape routes if someone nearby were to get s* (even imagining which people I'd have to jump over in order to get to the door). I was consumed at all moments thinking and planning which way to run, avoiding any dark spot on the ground. It started to interfere with my life. Laying in bed at night, I would replay the various times I accidentally saw someone v* in real life (from elementary school, high school, to more recent events). If someone told me a story involving the topic, I would space out for a while afterwards, shaken and disturbed (this has happened at work). I tried talking to my mom about it but she's kind of cynical about things like phobias and didn't really understand how I felt.

That's when I found this forum. I know it sounds terrible, but I found comfort in the fact that there were people who had it worse than me. By reading others' stories, I was able to sort of rehabilitate myself to what I had before considered "normal": I don't feel compelled to plan my escapes at every moment, but I still can't watch scenes in movies. If I accidentally do see a scene, I handle it a little better (no more crying). Mostly I don't like it because it usually doesn't help the story, it's just for shocking "entertainment" value.

I'm not worried about having kids, because I'm sure if they get s* I'll be too worried about their health to get worked up about the situation (the one time my boyfriend got s* on a plane, I cried, but I still tried to comfort him & rub his back).

I don't know if I'll ever be "cured" because part of me feels like it IS a disturbing topic and don't WANT to be "okay" with v* in every situation. Anyone else feel like this?