Hey I'm New :)
Hi everyone! I'm a new member and I have been suffering with this anxiety for over 10 years. It all started in 1st grade when my friend got sick infront of me at school. He described it as horrible and disgusting and threw in all these facts. Being a seven year old and never being sick before, how he described it scared me. I got my first stomach virus that year, and it was horrible. I made myself miserable and made it five million times worse than I think it would have been. A little bit after that I got over my fear, until a different friend got sick infront of me again. From that point on I was always constantly scared. I now, at this age, realize when it comes to my stomach I overreact. Right now, my ex has a stomach flu. I haven't seen him in a week, but he NEVER gets sick, so this worries me. There is a stomach flu going around my school, and I think it's gotta be pretty strong if he got it.
I've had many tests since my fear began. I've gotten an upper endoscopy which revealed I was lactose intolerant and I had erosion in my stomach lining (from stress and acid reflux). I was diagnosed with IBS when I was younger, but since then don't know if I sitll have it. Same goes for the lactose intolerance. I just got prescribed pepcid yesterday for my horrible acid reflux that I've had recently (and boy, does that trigger my fear).
Everyone says I get so anxious that I make myself sick. I think this is true. I'm a hypochondriac. I'm always scared of throwing up. Especially in the winter and the spring. Once I get a stomach ache, I automatically think that I'm sick. I rarely feel sick over the summer. When school starts up I'm not as bad, but it gets worse and worse as the year progresses just because I'm around so many people and they are all sick, or have the potential to be sick, or could be carrying something.
I carry purell with me where ever I go. I do not touch my face, eat, or do anything that has to do with me possibly ingesting the virus without making sure my hands are clean. I hate touching doors and other things that people have touched. The nurses office in my school is about the scariest place in the world. I also do other OCD things like knocking on wood whenever I bring up my stomach (I don't wanna jinx myself). I eat tums like they are going out of style (about 10 a day). I also have an issue of complaining (am I the only one like this?). When I feel sick I let everyone know. Sometimes I yern for the reassurance that I won't be sick that night. Recently, my family has been catching on, and not giving it to me. I will complain of my stomach pains to anyone and everyone that will listen. It's how I ruin my friendships and relationships. My life revolves around my stomach pain. My biggest fear, like the rest of you, is to be sick. I like hearing from others that I won't be, and I panic when I don't get my reassurance.
I was hospitalized back in December during winter break. I can never find a happy balance with healthy foods that won't make me feel ill. I will go through periods of only eating bread (almost annorexia, which I did have in elementary school and middle school because I was so afraid eating would make me sick; I still am when my fear is triggered). Then I will go through periods of eating everything in the house and making myself sick with it (I can sit down and finish a family size box of poptarts by myself in one sitting if I try). When I was hospitalized I was in between those periods. During my bread-time I lose about 30 pounds (weighing in at 100) and my stomach is probably stretched out to the size of a pea. When I start eating junk food again I get really really ill, gain loads of weight, and get extremely bloated. This is the first time I had to go to the hospital for it. The pains were so bad in my lower abdomen that I was up all night trying to talk myself out of being sick. Luckily that night I didn't get sick *knock on wood*, but that doesn't make me think that it will be the same next time. I hadn't gone to the bathroom in days when I got to the hospital. They did all sorts of checks, give me an I.V. because I was so dehydrated and sent me home labeling it as "undiagnosed abdominal pain."
The pains have been on and off for a few months now. I just went to my gastro doctor yesterday and she said I need to start eating healthier, adding more fiber to my diet (there's a good chance my stomach pain is from only moving bowels one-twice a week) and I have to drink 80 ounces of water a day. The issue with what my doctor said is that I'm scared that if I drink or eat with an already upset stomach, I will make myself sicker (does anyone else have this issue?). I've barely eaten today and I drank only 9 ounces and I feel sick to my stomach right now.
Recently I've been feeling really really ill.
My symptoms at the moment are just really bad acid reflux (I've taken two tums so far), and sour, churning, acid-y feeling in my stomach (my dad thinks that's from not eating or drinking anything today, is that possible?), and just feeling like crap. I usually get a sour stomach, get very dizzy, feel like I'm going to be sick all the time, have horrible acid reflux, and when my stools change a different color other than brown, or are a little too loose, I'm scared to death I'm sick with something. All of this also usually happens around night time, or when I'm at home doing nothing (which makes me think my pain and these feelings are all in my head)
I'm panicking right now that I'm going to be sick. I doubt I'll be going to bed tonight. I tend to sit up until the ache goes away, even if it means until the wee hours of the morning. Oh, but to top it all off, my mom is an hour away at a concert, my grandma lives an hour away too, and so does my dad. So i'm all alone tonight until at least 2-3 AM, and I'm scared to be sick without any adults around.
I'm Jenn, I'm emetophobic, and I really really want to get over it.
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