Ok, so first let me say I am very glad there is a website like this for emetophobes. I always thought I was alone, and a little weird for being terrified to vomit, but just knowing that I'm not helps a GREAT deal.

I have been dealing with this ever since I've been about five or six years old if I had to guess. I have NO CLUE where it stems from. I blocked a lot of my childhood out. I didn't really had that good of a home life, my parents were always fighting, and my brother and I never really got the attention that we needed. Anyway, I only remember two times as a child that I threw up. Once, all I remember is that I was on the couch and my mom was holding a big bowl that I threw up into. The other time, it was in the middle of the night, and I was feeling sick, so I went to the bathroom to try to have a bowel movement and I felt myself about to puke, so for some reason, I ran to my room, where it was dark, and threw up on my blanket. All I remember is I didn't want to see it. So I folded the blanket up and put it in the bathtub. My mom thought it was weird I didn't wake her up to tell her I got sick, but I guess it was me not wanting her to freak out, then I would start to freak out more, I don't know.

After that I didn't throw up for years and years. But whenever I felt sick I would start to panic, and get tense, start pacing the room (which helps sometimes by the way), pulling my hair, pinching my skin, anything to get my mind off of being nauseous. I would freak out when I heard someone else cough even, or someone saying they don't feel well. I'd be thinking, "Oh no, they're gonna throw up, and then I'll catch whatever they have and I'll throw up." I remember one time recently my boyfriend made dinner and we both ate and he wasn't feeling too well, and shortly after he threw up, and I felt totally fine, but the whole night I was freaking out thinking, "Oh no, I'm gonna throw up too." Of course I couldn't sleep. And I remember getting a really bad stomach virus about a year and a half ago, and I had a fever of 104.4. I SHOULD have been throwing up, (I had diarrhea instead) but I have this thing, where I can kind of control it, like make myself not throw up. I can't explain it. All the while being so anxious and scared.

I started drinking and partying when I was 19 years old and there were three occassions that I drank too much and vomited. All three times I would get a little anxious right before (not as much as I normally would though) and after it happened, I was ok. I don't know what happened, but I don't freak out as much anymore when I think someone else is going to get sick (unless I'm already feeling a little sick myself). It's when I get nauseous that I start to panic, even though I know it's probably not going to happen anyway. But I've learned that taking deep breaths helps.