really bad day...

[Jenneh]

have never been so angry/pissed off in my life.


just been to see my social worker.


ended up sitting there digging a f***ing hole into my hand with my nail because i was SO pissed off with what she was saying. she said "whats the scratching for" so i ignored her. she said "why are u hiding ur face away from me" so i ignored her. she said " i can understand you being a little cross with me for what i'm saying" no, she doesnt understand at all.


she basically said that i've got 5 more sessions with her, after that, we're having a review, and then 5 more sessions, and thats it. case closed. so, ur thinking, 10 sessoins is a lot, bear in mind, my mother has jst tried to kill herself, im just facing up to the abuse, AND i'd just sat and told her how the phobia has got out of hand, and how i am losing weight (anorexia).i also told her how i want to give up on friendships, because i can't do them.so.. she reckons 10 sessions is going to "fix" all of that?


as well as this, i tried to remind her that i've had an anxiety disorder since i was born, as my mother said and i BELIEVE. ok it wasnt emet, it was social phobia, but it was still f***ing there. to which she said "no, its ALL down to ur environment, if u look at it lke that ure never going to get better" so i said "well, im looking at it from your point of view, and im not getting any better either am i?? so something isnt right!!"


i agree with her emet may be down to the "environment" as she says, but social phobia isnt,. and she wont f***ing realise that. she tried to make me feel guilty instead by saying " we can't keep going over the same stuff over and over, its time to move on"


she wants us to concentrate on my "strengths" and "coping mechanisms". im sorry, but how is concentrating on that helping th fact i have a dodgey gene/behaviour????? i'm not believeing that rubbish anymore.


so, i was honest to my parents and said "she thinks its all down to my environment and wudnt listen to me when i said that i used to throw up before leaving the house wen i was little"... so my dad is writing her a letter saying that she's splitting the family up, shes making things worse, and im not allowed to see her anymore! it just get's better doesnt it? my mother was lke "i treated ur sister the same way, howcome she hasnt turned out lke you?? no i've done nothing wrong, and she doesnt realise the damage shes causing saying that i have".


so...... im not getting ANYWHERE with this. i'm now gnna do it on my own. if that means i end upcutting myself up lke a prize lamb, then so be it. its my COPING MECHANISM.


dont wanna say anymore


EDIT: remmebered something else. she reckons i dont have any disorders, i just let my emotions take me over, and label that "emetophobia" e.t.c.


wow im getting more angry by the minute


that was all copied from my xanga because im so angry i dont think i can typoe nemore.


Jen xxxxxxxxxx

[jazz]

jen, your social worker sounds as though she doesn't have enough experience to deal with your situation let alone anyone elses..
if i were you, id find a professional,and sympathetic counsellor..who isn't going to waste your time and patience.
tell this woman straight,she is of no help to you.
you need someone with a broad understanding of what you have to live with, not someone who willmake you mad by insisting they know best..Edited by: jazz

[2jo2]

Wow, Jen, I don't know if I can say anything that will help you, but I'm sorry you are not being listened to by your therapist and that you're having such a rough time. I don't understand how she can just write you off in a set number of sessions. What if it takes longer than that? Is she just going to cut you off? Again, I'm sorry for your pain. I wish I could say more....

[sweetfreak]

Jenneh, if you are going over the same stuff over and over again and if you are not getting anywhere, that means that your social worker is not doing her job. Besides that, neither social phobia nor emetophobia can be dealt with in 10 sessions, at least not for most people. You need to find someone who knows what they are doing, who cares about what you are feeling, and can find the best way FOR YOU to deal with your fears. Sorry you are having to deal with someone who doesn't understand.

[ejb199]

hey Jen
its a sad fact that so many doctors/pschologists/social workers - i.e 'people persons' just dont understand. it sounds like she just isnt experienced or even patient enough. you need to tell her - tell her asap how u feel and what u need. she obviously cant give u the understanding and listening that u need.

i always feel its people who rally listen that can help the most. too many times do people make their judgements before properly hearing someone out - tell her and make sure she hears u.

take care jen
ems xx

[Galadriel]

Hey Jen,


I am sorry that you are so frustrated, you have every right to be. I was in a similar situaction as you, I had gone to this counselor for SIX YEARS and it honestly didnt help a bit, and its like ok why do I talk about the same stuff session after session? Because Im not getting what I need to move on! So I went and went and went and wondered why nothing was happening. I very much sympathize, you sound like you very much want to get better, and that right there is the key, its just a matter of finding the right person to help you. Its funny because I have talked about lots of this stuff with my bf, and I have gotten about 10 times further with him than I ever got in one session with my therapist. I am a completely different person, all because I found the right person who could truly listen. Believe me Jen your a very strong wonderful person, and I understand your frustration. That therapist lady sounds like shes basically giving up on you, which is what my therapist did to me. I was at my lowest point, and she was just like "well if you dont do get out there and do things then I can't help you" and its like okay how on earth can I "get out there" and do things when I have a hard enough time just getting through the day? I think that my therapist just didn't know how to handle things or something. Honest its amazing how un-therapy like some therapists are! Just hang in there, and know we are always here to lend an ear!

[faith-marilyn]

jen, hey hunny. theres two things i need to say to you.
one - my cousin, had excrutiatingly bad social phobia and the fear of being sick, he used to throw up everytime he had to go out of the house bcos he wud get that nervous, so it was like a viscious circle. he still has anxiety, he isnt on meds, he didnt have councelling and he has beaten it. he has met a lovely woman and now has a son, he beat it because he told himself he couldnt waste his life away like the way he was doing, so he just did it, he went thru the really fear and the pain of it and came out of the other side, theres a saying that goes here i think ..
'u have to jump thru the fire to escape the flame'
secondly, if ur goin to carry on seeing your social worker, if ur dad lets u, i know its unbelievable what she is saying, but u cant let urself get so angry, i no it sounds difficult but u have to try an not let that happen, the relationship with u and ur social worker is the most important, if u and ur social worker are not coming to agreement and have completely different views on your treatment, i think u shud apply to see somebody new!
anyway, i hope ur feelin better this mornin, im here if u wanna talk 2 me anytime
love u lots
xxxxxxx

[chloe]

Jen, I'm sorry you had such a s***e day...Sounds like your social worker doesn't listen to your needs (whether you vocalise them or not)...I'm not sure anything I can say will make you feel better but I hope the encouraging words we are replying with are helping you a little.


If you get another social worker or therapist then I hope they listen to you and are a little more aware of the reality of emet. We all know about it so the therapists out there jolly well should and they should listen to us when we need to talk about it...and our worries. This fear is more common than people think and as such we could actually help them help others with emet if they are ignorant of its existence!


rant over! sorry, was meant to be helping Jen and got carried away!


Maybe next time it will be better?...


I hope everything else is ok, Jen - you know where help is if you need it - HERE.


*hugs*

[Jenneh]

thanks guys.


have written to my social worker explaining the situation and saying i can't see her anymore.


im not planning on doing any therapy now, or anything. whats the point? doenst seem anyone can help. just do it myself.


Jen xxxx