This is going to be long, but PLEASE read! I really need help, I'm desperate.

It's getting so ridiculous. I've had emetophobia since kindergarten, which is practically as long as I can remember. Even though it's always been in the back of my mind that I might throw up, or I might be put into a situation where other people might throw up, I've always been able to live my life normally, or mostly normally anyway. Then when I was in 6th grade, 7 years ago, I started getting nauseous. A lot. I never threw up but the feeling was so strong. I would be nauseous practically every day and I stopped going to school and hanging out with my friends. My mom took me to the doctor and I tested positive for mono so the doctor blamed my nausea on the mono and that gave me an excuse to miss so much school. Eventually though, the mono went away and I was still nauseous every day. I was tested for so many things that would cause nausea but all of them came back negative. But because the nausea came on so suddenly and out of nowhere I thought there had to be a physical cause. Also back then I knew I was afraid of throwing up but I didn't know I had a phobia or anxiety or anything like that because I was 12 and I had no idea that a person can make themself nausea through fear of throwing up.

The only thing the doctor found was that I had acid reflux and a hiatal hernia and after about 2 years, when I was in 8th grade, the nausea subsided and I was able to get back to my normal life. Once in a while I would still feel nauseous but it wasn't that bad and I started going to school almost every day again, started hanging out with my friends again, and started playing soccer again. Throughout high school I would hang out with my friends every weekend, usually go to school every day, and was able to keep a job. Untilllll 2 years ago it slowly started coming back. I slowly started to lose my appetite and then one night I was incredibly nauseous. I sat in the bathroom for hours waiting to throw up but I never did. And ever since then I have been dealing with constant nausea. It has especially been bad the past few months. I can't do anything anymore. I'm nauseous every single day. I had to quit my job and I've failed 2 classes this semester because I've been too sick to come to class. I have no safe place anymore and I cannot escape this horrible feeling of nausea. I can't do simple things like go to the mall or the grocery store because of fear that I will feel really nauseous and throw up or have a panic attack and be stuck there. And now it's summer and I'm afraid to go anywhere. My boyfriend has a boat that he wants to take me on and he loves to go into NYC for the day or go down the shore but I cannot even fathom doing any of those things because of my nausea. It's ruining my life. I'm only 19 and I should be having so much fun but I can't because of this.

I know this was super long, it is like my complete life story. But what do you guys think? Is this all really in my head or do you think there's something physical causing this extreme nausea? Do any of you get really nauseous everyday because of this?

It has been so comforting for me to find this site and realize that other people are dealing with emetophobia and maybe you guys would understand what I'm going through more than other people I talk to. So any type of comment or any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. I just don't know what to do anymore.