Did I do the right thing?

[bjeanfritz]

So, I know, I'm like the long-lost cousing that was here today gone tomorrow and back again - sorry guys! I think about you all everyday, but life has been so crazy lately.

I've been seeing my therapist for several months discussing my emetophobia and I THOUGHT I was making huge progress - well, I was, I mean, I wasn't obsessing with v* or the possibility that someone might get s* in my family, and was even able to find some humor in v* scenes in comedies and regular elementary school potty talk involving v*.

I felt SOOOO good, that I discussed coming off of my Cymbalta with my MD and psychologist because my hubby and I have talked about having another baby and cymbalta is a big No-No. Anyway, my MD had me go from 60 mg down to 30 mg (for 3 weeks). No trouble with the lower dose. I actually felt BETTER (more energy, started to want my husband's intimacy again), so I thought going off was going to be a piece of cake. Well, no such luck. Last Thursday I took my last 30 mg Cymbalta. Friday, no problems, Saturday, some weird physical symptoms and mild mood swings, but nothing too dramatic and figured I could ride it out. Well, then came Sunday and I felt worse than I had felt BEFORE I went on the cymbalta for depression! I called my MD Monday, she wrote me a script for 90 mg extended release prozac to help me get over the physical (and emotional) symptoms of withdrawing from Cymbalta. She said usually 1 dose dose the trick, but wrote me extras just in case. Yesterday morning, I was a little better. No more physical symptoms but still lots of mood swings. My hubby worked from home to provide emotional support. Finally, by bedtime last night I felt 95% like myself again - both emotionally and physically.

Then about an hour ago it happened. The 6 year old came in to tell us she had v'ed. She didn't even make it in the trash can this time. Well, hubby got up to help her and I tried to find clean sheets/mattress pad for her bed and while I was searching the linen closet for a clean mattress pad, I nearly fainted. That has NEVER happened to me before. I've been in situations where the world has grayed and then come right back into view, but I nearly almost fell over and had to sit on the ground with my head between my knees!

What have I done?!? I think I made a mistake. I think I need to accept the fact that we will only ever have 2 children because my body can't handle not being on an anti-anxiety med. I feel awful right now.

I took an ativan because the panic started to return, and now I'm sitting here waiting and wondering if the 4 year old is going to be sick overnight too.

I hate this disease.

[Snow.White]

That sounds very scary! Do you usually feel faint when you're anxious, but not as bad as this time, or was this totally new? I know how you feel. There's been times where I've wanted to come off Citalopram, but if I miss just one dose, I'm a mad woman. I'm not sure what you should do, but I think you should talk to your therapist about it. Tell her you almost fainted, how anxious you're feeling, and see what she thinks you should do. Sorry I can't be of more help. I hope your little one feels better soon!

[bjeanfritz]

I have never felt faint like that before in my life! I called my MD and my psychologist and I was told that sometimes when you stand to fast from a laying or sitting position on Prozac, it can make you faint, so I probably jumped out of bed too fast to try to get clean sheets. Today, I was fine taking care of her (although the she only v*ed twice and both were overnight under my husband's care) but the fact that I could be in the same room with her let alone kissing her forehead and bringing her ice chips and noodles is a HUGE improvement over earlier in the year. I have an appointment with my MD tomorrow afternoon to talk about it and make sure this is the right thing. Sigh. I hate drugs because of the side effects. I hate needing them. (

[bjeanfritz]

I was REALLY anxious last night at bedtime, so I took an ativan. Thankfully, nobody v*ed in my house overnight last night, but I was on "high alert" in case they did (never makes for a good night sleep). The 4 year old had several nightmares which caused me to have to remind myself to get out of bed SLOWLY so as not to pass out. She ended up in bed with me, which made it hard for me to sleep for fear that she might be s* in my bed if the sv my 6 year old got over hit her next, but we got through it. I have an appointment with my MD today to discuss. I WANT to ride this out and try to be drug free so I can determine if I really NEED to be on something, and if I do, it needs to be safer in pregnancy than what I was on. Cross your fingers and say a prayer for me friends, I am on the front lines of this battle now with no REAL antianxiety med as my shield! (Thankfully, I have ativan as my medic! LOL)

[olschesky]

sorry that you had such a hard night........congrats on having 2 children though.....quite an accomplishment i think.....i never had any......but it's ok for me

i take prozac and valium (valium when needed) i really don't see anything wrong with taking a med like prozac that helps me be able to carry on an almost normal life.......i do see posts in here from people saying they don't want to take meds.........i totally disagree........if i didn't take it i'm sure i would be housebound and no good to anyone including myself........i do understand stopping them for pregnancy.......and i'm sure it would be hard.........but if you want it bad enough.......you will get through.......good luck on whatever your decision is.........and like i said earlier you've accomplished alot already....

[bjeanfritz]

It's not needing a medication I'm unhappy about, it's that they have yet to create one that doesn't have side effects! I feel like I'm trading one problem for many others. Lol.

I am feeling much better. Yesterday was my 6 year old's last day of kindergarten and we were invited to a playdate last minute at a neighbor's house and I forgot about the appointment I had scheduled with my doc to chat about this because we were having so much fun at the playdate! I guess that's a good thing! That it wasn't on my mind because I was having too much fun with my kids and our friends!

As an aside, my ob/gyn put me on prenatal vitamins just in case. I wonder of getting my nutrition balanced again will help with my anxiety too. The depression seems to be in remission right now.

[Marmite]

So you had a setback - from what you say you have been doing really well so don't be too hard on yourself. I definitely think that you jumped out of bed too quickly. It's always worse when you do it when you are sleeping as your body is so relaxed that you are just not ready for it. Don't stress about it - I am sure that you will be okay - just keep doing what you are doing - feel proud of yourself for getting through it

[tman563]

Ditto what marmite said. It sounds like you have made a ton of progess, don't let a small setback ruin your mindset. Ten steps forward and two steps back isnt bad!

[bjeanfritz]

I'm completely off of all meds at this point. I'm making sure to drink tons of water, have almost completely eliminated caffeine and am taking my multivitamin religiously. 6 AM this morning, my 4 year old (who was in bed with me due to a nightmare overnight) v*ed on my bed (NOT ON ME THANKFULLY). My hubby helped get the laundry going and I was able to change and bathe her with almost no anxiety. I did ask my hubby to work from home today so that I don't have to fly solo my first time dealing with this completely off of meds! Sigh, why are my kids getting SVs in summer anyway? I know it's a SV because when I went out to get popsicles & crackers for her for later today (we ran out last week), my hubby said she v'ed again while I was gone. Grrrrr... She's sleeping soundly on the couch now surrounded by towels just in case, and I'm praying she's done. I wish she would learn to use the bucket already!