Hi Everyone,

What a great website to find, I am just beginning to explore it but can already tell it has so much to offer. Knowing there are others out there struggling with this phobia is really helpful.

My story - I've been an emet for most of my life that I can remember. I think the seed for this phobia was planted by my mom, who also has this fear. I remember as a child she would be so disgusted by v*, I think I just associated it as something very disgusting as well. I got sick as child, like all kids do, and it was no problem, but I was on a 18 year no v* streak until about 6 months ago after a reaction with some medication I was taking. I had always thought that when the day finally came and my "streak" ended, I would be cured of my fear somehow. I think the cure lasted about 24 hours! At the time, I remember I had an epiphany that v* was just a normal bodily reaction, the same as coughing, sneezing or pooping, and that there was nothing disgusting about it. I actually found it quite beautiful to think how my body knew how to take care of itself, my phobias be damned. I try to remember that when I am going through panic attacks now, but it rarely has the effect it did previously.

Sadly I still get paranoid when I think someone may be sick, or when my boyfriend comes home drunk. I've been going to Al-Anon meetings to deal with what I thought was anxiety over his drinking, but what I've realized is specifically an anxiety over his drinking possibly leading him to v*. There was a bad episode with his drinking a couple of years ago that actually caused me to WALK in his v* without seeing it on the floor (middle of the night). Since then I freak out every time he goes out drinking, telling him not to come home or I run away to stay at a friends house for the night. That's life in this emet's world.

I know I need to look into exposure therapy, I guess joining this forum and reading about other's experiences is my first step with that. I'm tired of this phobia keeping me awake at night or making me scared to go out to bars, use public restrooms, etc, etc. I hide this fear deep down inside, but live with it every day.

Thank you for listening.