Self Confidence...

[Galadriel]

Now this is something that has always eluded me. I never have been able to have much self confidence (I mean a healthy dose, not cockyness or attitude problem or anything, just a proper amount). I know it affects things, because its one of those unspoken things that you gather from a person the instant they walk in the room. You see how they carry themselves, and they just seem to "radiate" it. Its like something you either have or dont have, and Im a have not, but I want to be a have, lol. See I do tend to defeat myself right off, I mean I walk in a room and peopple can sniff from 10 miles off that I radiate lack of confidence and all that. I think thats why sometimes bossy controlling people are attracted to me. Its just how does one go about changing this? I know it is a slow process. I guess its just realizing that your worth something, and somehow saying "what I have to say DOES matter, and others are not better than me" but its hard because I can say that all I want, but like how do you really believe it?

[tink]

Hello Galadriel,

I have a feeling that a lot of people with phobias tend to seem like they do not have the best self confidence. I know that with me, I spend so much time being worried about everything around me that I am sure others around me can feel it. It is so hard to hold an intelligent conversation while constantly scanning the room for danger. I think the confidence that shows in a person when you first meet them has to do with being comfortable. Unfortunately, most of us are not comfortable around others because we do not trust that they will not suddenly become sick. Don't be hard on yourself, I have a feeling it is just part of our burden. I also have a feeling that you probably feel confident here, because you are comfortable being around others who understand you? [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]


--Tink

[charzysbebe]

I have a hard time with self-confidence too. I will admit...some days are worse than others...but for the most part, it is bad. I agree that people can "sniff" out a person that has low self worth. I can sniff them out, as well as they can sniffme out at times.


I think I have become comfortable about putting up some sort of "front", so no one can tell it. So basicly, when I go somewhere, and meet new people, I feel like THEY think I am confident, but I know darn good and well that I am not. I don't think I am phoney...for I don't tell people what they want to here, I just try and make a good first impression I guess. But...once people get to know me, I am sure they can see right through me.


I agree with the pp, that I think a majority of emets have low self confidence issues. After all, we are constantly anxious, and assuming the worst. We look for things, and if we see something slightly "off", we begin to worry. That right there makes us feel hopeless and worthless. I really know how you feel...I feel it all the time. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img] Charlotte

[r311dude]

Here's a helpful room, when you walk in a room, tell yourself, "I am the s***!"It may sound cocky, but it will give you the boost you need. Speak clearly, stay relaxed, don't tense up, and just act natural. People have always told me I'm so self-confident that it makes me good at making them believe things that aren't true, I've told some crazy stories only to say just kidding afterwards and people say they believed every word. It's all in the presentation. Just keep that "cool" attitude[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[Jenneh]

heya you,


i was in Ottakers the other day, and there was this book titled "boosting ur self esteem" if i were you, i'd grab one of those, either buy it, or borrow one from the library and have a read.


i know its something that i have also got to work on... at the moment, when i know that self-confidence is important, i.e. in that recent interview i had, i jst tell myself that i look fine (i hate the way i look) and it doesnt matter what other people think of me, as long as im happy with myself. i make sure i talk slowly, at lesat, slower than normal, and speak relatively louder. i make sure my hands stay APART so do not grasp each other for comfort, lol. and make sure my hair is tied back so tht i do not hide behind it. also, if there is a part of ur body/face that uv been complimented on before, i make sure i keep that in my mind. i.e. i've been complimented on my eyes before, a few times, so when i was speaking, to make myself keep eye contact, i said to myself "lets show her my eyes, a part of my body that people seem to like". hope this doesnt make me sound lke a right stuck-up wotsit lol... but its just tricks i;'ve learnt!


Jen xxxxxxxx

[ejb199]

positive affirmations can be helpful. like telling urself how good u are and that u CAN do xyz etc etc etc. then u start actually believing it. I think they do books like this in any good book store - best to browse the self-help sections.

[sweetfreak]

I used to have almost no self-confidence. But I figured out where it comes from, and have improved a lot. The thing is...even people that do exude tons of self-confidence are putting up a front to a certain degree. Everyone is insecure. I live by these words.


It is not what others think of me that matters. It is what I think of myself that matters.


It's sometimes hard to think that way, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

[2jo2]

I'm the same way, inside, I feel like the biggest loser, that people are going to find me out, that I don't know what I'm doing, I always choose my words right so that I don't sound stupid, alot of people think I'm stuck up but I'm not, I'm seriously just very careful what I say and really don't talk just to talk. I have a sort of high level job that I deal with alot of money, alot of responsibility, and at times have to take authority, and I've learned when to step up and fake it. But inside I'm really just yearning to be a fly on the wall....

[Galadriel]

Lol I suppose you guys are right, prolly most people aren't totally self confident, and some who are are just downright stuck on themselves! I guess I could try faking it, its hard tho to do that. I just wish I could make it coem on its own. I agree about us phobia people having it harder in that regard. Its tough for me to act confident when Im afraid of feelin sick or being sick. The two just don't mesh.

[jazz]

Hmm, this is an interesting one for me..because a lot of people tell me I lack confidence etc, and that i worry too much (i agree with that)
but i've never really thought that i lacked confidence so much..i have more of an issue with what people perceive me to be like when i enter a room
I become *convinced* that whatever they're laughing about/gossiping about will be directed at me..so very often i take offence and feel as though im unpopular etc..im sure this is just paranoia, but it's similar to the self-confidence thing...
if you convince yourself, that you are a wonderful, down-to-earth person, with everything going for you, then you'll convince other people too
gud luck!

[2jo2]

I totally do that too, Jazz, esp. at work. We have individual offices and if someone shuts their door, esp. my boss, I think I'm getting fired. It's major paranoia!!!

[ejb199]

some things i am really confident about and other things im not. people used to say that i intimidated them when i first started uni - i think coz i was into my goth days then and they all said i scared them - doh - coz once they got to know me they realised that i was just a scared little girl [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]

now i really couldnt give a DAMN what people think abt me. Ive been so sick of worrying abt wat others may think - abt emet/abt appereance etc etc etc but now im pleased to say i have developed a stuff 'em approach which works very well! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]
ems x

[mbs730]

Yeah well.... just getting a diagnosis of BPD just makes
someone's low self esteem plummit even more! So I know how that is. Oh
by the way those who are cocky and have attitudes like they are better
than all doesnt make them appear to have high self esteem. In fact they
are narcisistic (sp?) and they in fact really have low self esteem too.
They just have a different way of showing it.



Miriam

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[jazz]

[QUOTE=ejb199]some things i am really confident about and other things im not.

ditto! lol- jo, you do that too? I become freakishly paranoid walking through the school gates at school..to get to my form room, you have to walk through a tunnel where some lads hang around.. they watch your every move from where they stand, and it's incredibly intimidating..

[ejb199]

yeah - some things im just not scared abt - or im really confident abt doing. like im confident on the telephone and i am a confident complainer - im pretty obsessed with knowing where i stand and my rights!! lol [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img] so if i dont think ive been treated fairly or whatever then im quite happy to say so! im also a confident driver. despite being invloved in three car accidents (none my fault)

isnt it wierd how some things just DONT effect us - and other things really do...?

ems xx

[wing]

I have soooooooo little self confidence in my self! It makes me really shy around people and when i walk i like to walk with my head down and stuff. Cant even speak up unless i'm with my close friends and such. I'm also very submissive to people and tend to get walked all over on alot [i think i do, my mom told me that... She was like "you do much too much for people and then when you need help no ones there"] eh i dont really notice...*shrugs* I also cant defend myself really well in anyway. -_- I appologize to people too much. Gets on their nerves then i start saying sorry again...stupid habit..I also antagonize over what i say will be interpreted in another way to a person and for instance when i post i read and reread and reread again and again to see if i'm satisfied with it. If its not i just erase it. I do that alot..but this time i'm gonna press the post reply button...! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[Galadriel]

Hey Wing!


You sound a lot like me. I am only just starting to get better about it, but I still have a hard time looking at people straight sometimes, and I tend to be pretty shy about speaking up, tho not always, and wel I too do the "im sorry" thing too much lol! Also yes I was everyone's doormat, and if anyone needed anything just call Laura she's the local doormat! Lol, but Im getting better at telling people where they can stuff it. Its tough tho, I know how it is to be walked on, and of course that just makes you feel even lower.

[wing]

Yea i know what you mean..and i'm not doing very good with it at the moment. Nowadays when i do speeches and perfomances, i just either freeze, have a panic attack or i just start shaking, but i need to over come that soo much. I have a leadership trip to Washington coming up~! &gt;.&lt; I gotta stop having those negative selftalks with myself when i'm up in the spotlight. Oh yea, just remembered a time my teacher was calling attendance and i didnt speak up she yelled at me "YOU ARE WASTING SO MUCH OF MY TIME!"grr...That really helps me. Then she keeps me after class again and then she makes me cry [i'm really senstive to critism] and then tells me i got a problem..


Oh yea...the self confidence issue with me, that's why i dont reply to alot of posts. I'm very sorry if people find that offending but i'm afraid i might say something that would be interpreted in another way -_-.Edited by: wing

[jazz]

what an inconsiderate beeyatch..
i overdo the apologies..if they don't get the message once, just say it again right?
I also make too much of an effort around people..i am also a doormat, because i don't have the sense or the courage, to tell people when they're out of order, i usually leave it upto someone else because im useless with confrontation,and convinced that the world is against me! lol-it could be worse of course...
one of my friends makes use out of my pushover character, turning on the charm when it suits her because she knows i fall, hook like and sinker..guh!