Hi everyone,

I'm new, having just found this forum today. I was reading through some peoples stories and was shocked at how similar they are to mine (shocked and relived!).

I started getting worried about v* when i was about 9 and was very ill at school. Since then what was seen as an irrational fear has had a terrible impact on my day to day life. I started refusing to go to school, or eating out. I wont walk anywhere because i don't want to be too far from the house or the car. It then sparked depression and that has stopped me doing absolutely everything. Luckily i have medication for that now so its much better, but i am still as scared of v* as ever. I don't drink at all, and doubt i ever will, because I'm too worried it will make me ill. I rarely go out with friends because i don't want to need to get back home fast and them start asking lots of questions and thinking i'm odd. If any member of my family is ill when im in the house i normally end up shutting myself in my room and don't come out for hours on end until everything has been 'fixed'.

I find if im in a lesson i get panic attacks about not being able to get out, which make me feel sick, and im sure everyone can understand what happens then. I then have to get out the room and do something to take my mind off it for about 10 mins before i can speak to anyone or go back in. I tend to paint my nails now just so i know when the inevitable panic arrives i can peel it off to calm myself down. I just started a new school for 6th form and its a complete nightmare, i have already missed 2 days as i just can't seem to work up the courage to go get on the bus to get there. Luckily my mum went in and explained the situation to the teacher and she was very understanding as said to let them know if there is anything they can do to help.

Sorry if this isn't coming out particularly eloquently but i have never met or had the chance to talk to anyone with the same thing so i seem to just be venting i could go on forever, but i won't because that would get boring. But yes, thats me basically