Tough Love

[leeannc28]

What is your opinion on the topic of tough love?

Personally I think in it of itself it is nothing more or less than a tool. The same way being nice and comforting to aid someone is. Whether or not you're tough on someone or comforting to someone it needs to be a calculated decision done in the best interests of the person being helped.

This topic was pretty much inspired by how some times I read on forums, like these and others, that people who are just plain nasty or frustrated and dont know what to do with a loved one who's hurting, lash out at them. And then later on excuse their behavior as tough love, and that they did it in the best interest of their loved one. That suddenly any action of comfort is 'sugar coating', and gets treated as weakness. To me this is just as irresponsible as someone who coddles and enables. I dont like how people treat one form of irresponsible reaction is better or worse then another. I think they're just thoughtlessly reacting over and over again, and this makes me mad because someone they know has a serious condition [like emetophobia] and all's theyre doing is reacting on their own behalf and covering up their reactions on their own behalf. Its just destructive.

So...I get upset. Which is wrong. They're just as much victim to their emotions and irrational behavior as any phobic is. I just get mad anyways I guess.

So. That's my opinion. What's yours?

[olschesky]

sorry,, i don't quite understand this post......

[leeannc28]

Just a rant I guess...

[sage]

You're right that it's all emotional reactivity to a stimulus. A phobic's stimulus is nausea or vomiting - and they react with fear. The loved one's stimulus is the phobic's actions - and they react with lashing out, or coddling/enabling. All emotional reactivity rather than thoughtfully being able to choose one's response based on facts and wisdom.

[leeannc28]

I feel so helpless when things like that take place, since people react so easily. On the plus side, its kind of intriguing. I really need to pick up my psychology book and read up on this stuff again.

Sorry, I didn't mean to confuse anyone. It would probably be a lot better if I gave a specific scenario to illustrate what I'm saying but I didn't want people to become biased. These kind of situations have a way of making you want to pick sides.