So my emet is uncontrollable and is having a much bigger effect on my life then i thought. I cant remember exactly what triggered it but for as long as i can remember i have had this fear of V*. Whether it be a fear of myself physically V* or the sight of someone else V* or just the thought of V* makes me so unbelievable anxious I get to the point of blacking out. If I have the stomach flu i will literally lie in bed and breathe extreamly heavily so that i do not get sick. I would rather feel nauseaus for days than throw up.
My emet is so bad that when i go into public restrooms i look under all the stall doors to see if peoples feet are facing forward so that i know they cant be throwing up. Sad, yes i know, but its the truth. I locate all exits when going to any building incase someone gets sick i can leave quickly, i commute on the city bus to school every day and the whole trip im paranoid someone will get sick and i wont be able to get off !
No one understands just how bad this really is and it is so frustrating. They say well yea V* is gross but you are just making a big deal out of nothing, but really... im not. I cant help it. My boyfriend understands to a point, I mean he knows i dont like puke and freak out at the thought or sight of it and will cover my eyes if its visible on t.v or whereever we are at the time. BUT he doesnt understand just how bad it really is. We are moving in together soon and all i can think of is oh my god what if he gets sick ill be there with no where to go !!! That's when i start panicking and suddenly the thought of moving in together scares me half to death. He thinks Im kidding when I say to him " if your sick ill stay at my mothers for the night" but really, im dead serious !

I know ive ranted long enough but please if anyone does these stupid things i do help me out i feel so alone with this and its killing me more and more !