I feel like a horrible girlfriend...

[chelsealindsey89]

I finally realized I had emetaphobia about 4 years ago. Its gotten worse and better over the years, until I finally realized what it really was - I can handle throwing up when I can't see it, and I know its something that's not contagious, like hangover. My hungover brother threw up in my car, and I was fine, but now my boyfriend has the stomach flu and I'm a mess. I can barely go see him, even though he needs me, because I'm terrified I'll get whatever he has! He's wonderful and always tells me that its ok, but I still feel like a bad person.

What's going to happen when I'm older, and my husband or kids get sick?????

[JustLacey]

That's awful :S
I have been thinking that for ages:-'what happens when my husband or kids get sick'.
There ae lot's of posts in this forum from people who's kids or husbands, or people close to then have gotten sick and posted, if you need help, try reading them, if you want help reovering, try success stories, hope you find lot's of support, and the help you need.
Lot's of love and hugs, Lacey xxxxxxxxx

[Lorni]

I had the EXACT same thing, he was really ill. And all i thought as marrige vowels.. Sickness and in health?
If he knows you have this fear, he should understand... My boyfriend kind of did? Its hard for other to understand, they all take it on the shoulder.
But we had a huge row, and he's much more important than an SV that lasts 5hours really?
Take precautions, i did full prepare with a mask & anti viral gel. And no matter how silly you feel at least you've gone and hopefully helped. He'l just be pleased you went

I hope this helps and hope you stay well
Lorna Xxx

[KaydeeJayde]

I've been working with my boyfriend thinking about a plan for when he gets ill. We're getting to the stage where things are pretty serious, and when we're both finished with uni we're going to move in together. We've planned to have a mutual friend who knows about my phobia who's willing to have him stay with them while he's sick.

As for children, a lot of mothers on here that I've read posts by say that it's easier for them to keep their anxiety under control when it's their own children. I'm not too sure if I'd feel that way, but when I think about it, it gives me some hope that being a mother will make things easier. I'm nowhere near that point yet though.

I know exactly how you feel though. My boyfriend has gastrointestinal issues at the moment. He's trying very hard to beat them but when he's sick, especially when he's v*ing, I just can't be around him, and his friend told me last night that it makes him really sad. He understands though, and it seems like you have an understanding boyfriend as well. You're not a bad person because it's completely out of your control. It's not your fault you have this phobia.

I hope that this helps and that you're okay. Xx

[Rebecca85]

Just out of interest, what do you mean by your boyfriend is trying to beat his GI issues? What's wrong with him? (hope you don't mind me asking but I have GI problems myself so I might be able to help)

[eccefemina]

I just joined this site today - Thanksgiving - because my boyfriend was up all night v'ing. We live together and had plenty of contact in the past few days, although he's at his parents' place right now. I feel guilty for feeling relieved that he got sick at their place when I wasn't around. But also paranoid to eat anything for TG.

Also, nervous to kiss him again, ever. I'm 29 and have spent more time in relationships than single, but somehow this is the first time that a current boyfriend has v'd during our relationship. The prospect of sleeping next to him is daunting, to say the least.

[KaydeeJayde]

eccefemina - Your boyfriend has probably v'ed in his life before he was with you, and you've kissed him and been fine, I assume. One more time shouldn't make a difference. Just a thought :-)

Rebecca85 - He's going for heaps of tests, and doctors have put him on and taken him off lots and lots of medications and the like. His symptoms are a lot of gas, he v's often, has lots of d*... Um... He's VERY thin, they thought it might have been gluten intolerance, or lactose intolerance, but it doesn't seem to be either. Any ideas? Doctors are taking their sweet ass time testing him and everything, it's a frustrating wait.

[Rebecca85]

Sorry- didn't see the reply before now. Have they tested him for Crohn's?

[beccabubba]

Hi I have three children and as someone stated although I am in the throes of panic when one of them gets ill I have to supress the feelings until they are in bed away from me, only then can my panic set in. Im petrified of making my children have the same phobia and so try to keep it away from them. Ive even took my kids out of school around christmas as there was rumour of a stomach bug going around and I didnt want it being brought home. I sometimes wish I had never had children as I know it affects them and even my partner. My daugher was sick the other day and I just couldnt help her so my partner had to do it.

[KaydeeJayde]

I don't think they have tested him for Crohn's. How do they test for that? At the moment, he's off all his medication, and he's had lots of gas which is freaking me out something shocking but I'm trying to hide that from him. Either tomorrow or wednesday, he's going to get a breath test done, where he has to drink a liquid or take a pill or something, and then they get him to breathe into a balloon and they test his breath. Any ideas?

[Rebecca85]

Breath test is a lactose (or other sugar like fructose) intolerance test I think. Crohn's can be diagnosed through ultrasound, barium swallow, CT scan, endoscopy, colonoscopy, biopsies, pill cam (though not all are needed!). Like with me, they first spotted something wrong on ultrasound, had a closer look with a CT, and confirmed with a colonoscopy with biopsies. Has he had any of those tests done? And is his bloodwork normal?

[KaydeeJayde]

His blood-work was normal, as far as I know. He hasn't had an ultrasound or anything, which I think the doctor should do but he seems reluctant. I think he's going back to the doc tomorrow before work, so that he can get the breath test done.

He's been fairly good lately (the last week or so) but I don't let myself get my hopes up that it's a permanent thing because he takes these gianormous plunges back down after things have been good.

I can't wait until he has a diagnosis. I don't think even HE realises how frustrated I am with this. I get that it's frustrating for him because he's sick a lot, and that can't be pleasant. But it's frustrating for me because I'm worried about him, but I'm ALSO scared of him getting ill. It's just a terrible, cruel kind of situation.

Anyways, I'm sorry for hijacking the thread here! :S

[LondonLow]

I feel so sorry for you.

Don't feel bad for certain things, like not kissing/hugging someone with stomach flu. It's just good sense.

My friend picked up a stomach bug on a weekend trip away and we were meant to share a bed together, she thought absolutely no less of me when I said, 'it's probably better I sleep on the sofa instead, give you some privacy', in fact she was greatly relieved. Most people don't want company when they're in that situation. They want to be left alone.

If you visit your boyfriend, just remember you can't contract the virus unless you digest it. That means literally sucking your hands, sticking them up your nose and/or eating something without washing them.

If you really can't go, make up for it by calling him and texting him often. Buy him a box set of dvd's online, send a card, use a webcam to chat. You can still let him know that you love him and care about him but it's a phobia preventing you from being there. If he knows you're doing everything else you can he'll understand it's not down to a lack of sympathy.

In terms of worrying about the future, think comforting thoughts such as, I will get a place with a spare bedroom and atleast two bathrooms. Also you now have the time to seek help to overcome your phobia.

Good luck, you're not a bad girlfriend. Putting it into perspective and relating it to another phobia also helps, for example, if you're terrified of spiders no one could call you a bad person for not visiting your boyfriend if he said there was a tarantula running around or he had a spider infestation - that sheds a new light on it doesn't it?! :-)

[LondonLow]

p.s. don't rub your eyes either if you do visit him. All basis are covered then! :-)