I deserve to be ill.

[Lorni]

My dad can be the most lovelist dad ever, but sometimes he has his moments.

The other night, i was very worried. I was really scared, i felt very poorly?
So i mentioned it whilst watching it, my sister called me an 'attention seeker' my mum told me to 'shut up' then my dad had a rant.

'Its cos you didnt eat your bloody dinner, thats why, you dont help yourself much do you, you have no life. You deserve to be ill you do.''

Then it all went slient. He says such horrible things, my whole family does.
Its like they think i'll snap out of it if they say things, but it just makes things worse.

I dont understand why i'm so scared. & I dont expect anyone else to who hasnt got the phobia. But i'd like them to listen sometimes.

[NatalyKay]

Oh my goodness, I can't believe your family is like that. My mother used to have that same problem, she was always treated poorly by her family.

I'm sorry you have to go through this without their support, that really isn't helpful when you go through something like this. My boyfriend has said some really nasty things about me when I'm nervous. One time he said "I almost wish you would throw up, then maybe you'll finally get over it. But I don't even think that will happen."

The only support you really need is yours. That's what I discovered. I realized that telling anyone isn't going to make it better, they're not going to say what I want to hear. I won't even listen to them anyway. You have our support of course, we all know what it's like.

[Rebecca85]

They probably do think that being harsh will snap you out of it. They're probably very worried and don't know how to help. Plus, to a non-emet, it's pretty obvious that not eating will make you feel worse. But saying you deserve it is going a bit too far!

[claire43]

Im sure he didnt mean it but dads especially dont always know the right thing to say. I know my dad-who is the kindest man I know and would do anything for his family-has come out with some beauties which do not help and can sometimes make it worse. But although I might get upset or angry at the time afterwards I know he would never intentionally want to hurt me but he thinks he can just snap me out of it. Rational does not work with an emet whose in panic mode.

[turbokinetic]

Awe that's terrible. NO you do not deserve to be ill. It took me a long time to "snap out of" it and it was very gradual.

Hope you can find some peace soon. It is true that eating more will make you feel better once you allow it. Working through to the mindset where you allow it is the tough part.

Sincerely,
David

[leeannc28]

Sometimes I just want to look at people like that and say "Look, I'm a phobic, not a moron." and then calmly explain how the brain works when someone has a phobia. Most of the time that sort of attitude stems from frustration mixed with ignorance. When I tell my family my phobia in detail I would try to do it armed with as much info as I could get, and also try to anticipate their possible responses and my answers to them. I dont mean to sound nasty, but the truth is I think alot of people are very ignorant about mental diseases and disorders, so when you let them know about these things it has to be prepared.

In your situation, I'd distance myself from them. Not out of spite, but out of practicality you need to have a respectful distance from people who may potentially hurt you or make your recovery difficult in any way. Their intentions dont really matter, what matters is what their affect is on you. The family dynamic can really suck. The truth is you need to take matters into your own hands, whether that includes your family or not.

Maybe just distance yourself from them for a while in most ways (speaking, hanging around them, speaking to them, etc) until things cool off, and then sit down and speak with them either as a family or as individuals to explain things properly.

My 2 cents. Either way You should not take that attitude from your father. I dont care if he is a parent, your better then that! Take control, and firmly show him that you will not be treated like that. It doesnt have to be mean, just firm.

[beccabubba]

Hi just wanted to add that over the years I have "tried" to explain to my family that I am an emet. Because I was always a strong minded person my nan (who brought me up from 5 years) wouldnt believe it. And my mother just said "Go make yourself sick and then it will be gone".
Ive had many people make blase comments and my partner has said some evil things in frustration. My ex was really sweet and would go out of his way to help me, whereas my current partner is a tough cookie with it. I do honestly believe that as nice as my ex was, he fed my phobia by allowing me to get out of tough things I didnt want to do. My current partner often gets it wrong, but I think his attitude has helped. So I imagine your dad is trying the tough cookie approach. Try not to take it literally and be offended.

[Lorni]

Yeah ive had that to 'Oh just go upstairs and have a good chunder' !! The crazy thing is, my dad had Emet when he was my age.
He knows almost exactly how i feel, thats why its painful hearing him say all this nasty stuff to me. Its very hard, people see me and say.. Oh but Lorna your family always seems so lovely. I can promise, behind closed doors my friend.
I wish sometimes i was ill so that finally i can get over this phobia. Its runing the family now.
Thanks for all your support guys xxx