Losing sleep

[North]

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I have had this phobia for as long as I can remember. I'm not really afraid of v myself, because it rarely ever happens. I am terrified of someone else ving around me. I have been with my husband for over 7 years (married for just over 1). He knew that I didn't like v but didn't know how bad my phobia was, mostly because I didn't share. A couple of months ago he was hanging out with his friends at our place and they had a bit much to drink. In the middle of the night my worst fear - he rolled over and vd on my side of the bed. I had sensed that something was wrong and had actually gotten up and ran out of the room seconds before it happened. He was very very sorry and embarassed and had not had a drop to drink since (not that he drank regularly anyway). I was ok for a few weeks, but now for the last 2 weeks at least I cannot sleep in the bed with him. I lay awake worrying if he is breathing funny if he is going to v or if he moves quickly if he is going to v and so on and so on. Even last night (even though we are at my inlaws) I came out and slept on the couch because I just can't do it! This is ruining not only my sleep but my relationship. I want to be able to sleep with my husband!! I don't know what to do. I did ok last night talking in my head to calm myself down to be able to stay and it worked for about an hour but then anxiety took over. I don't know whether to look into meds for this?! I am fearful during the day (I teach at a school), but that's under control at least. It just seems I get irrational during the night. I am so upset that I can't sleep in the same place and I feel terrible because I feel like it's telling him I don't love him, when I do so much. I just can't go on like this.....please help.

[calisis1400]

I'm sorry to hear this. Maybe you could try using an ipod to listen to music so you don't hear him or maybe sleeping with a fan on, I usually sleep with one on just incase. Hope this helps!

[olschesky]

i worry about that also.......i think that since your husband knows your phobia he would be considerate and get up if he was going to be sick......being drunk is a whole other story because he did it unknowingly.......if he gets a sv or fp he will certainly wake up first.........i don't think people just randomly v in there sleep....so try not to worry about that too much.

try and sleep

[North]

Thanks for the replies. Over the holidays things got worse in terms of me sleeping in my bed the whole night. Since then, things have gotten quite a bit better and I've only gotten up and gone to the other room a couple of times. I know that if he were feeling like he was going to be sick he would for sure get up and leave the room, not just because he knows about my phobia, but also because he'd of course just rather be sick in the bathroom. I just worry about it coming on so suddenly that he can't leave. I have been trying to expose myself to pictures of v and just trying to make it not as scary. I think it's only scary for me in areas where I feel trapped (theatre, bus, bed). But, if someone was to be sick in an area that I could get away from if I wanted to, then it's not as bad. I think it's just something that takes work and that's what I'm doing - working on it!

[asianeko]

I have been in your exact situation. My boyfriend (who also doesn't get drunk much) was ill in bed beside me. Of course I leapt out of bed, but it still freaked me out! I ended up listening to music and such because I know rationally he won't be sick in bed unless he's super drunk, and he rarely is. When I know he won't be sick, the music drowns out any funny breathing or snoring and it helped me to relax.

I'm glad you're getting better! It takes a while, but you can do it!

[North]

Thanks asianeko for the hope! It has slowly been getting better. It helps that we go to bed at different times so I can fall asleep, it's just when I randomly wake up at 3am or 5am, but I've been working hard to just stay in bed and think that rationally he wouldn't get sick unless he's drunk (which is probably around once a year!). He is generally pretty understanding about it, he just mostly feels bad that he caused me to feel that way. He gets upset when I go sleep somewhere else because "it's our bed". I know it's something I will get over in time. Thanks for sharing your story and making me realize that I'm not the only one in this exact situation. I really appreciate it.