ABOUT FRIENDS...New Here, kinda long, a little graphic.

[kcr1118]

I have known that I have emot for a long time now. I'm 21 and remember having night terrors and panic attacks at a very young age all involving v*. It took me a long time to tell people what was going on and I never told my family until I was 19 and only because of a traumatic incident at family Christmas that involved a v-ing 4 yr old cousin. However I had told my friends a long time ago. I tried to be as honest as possible, welcoming questions, and explaining what kind of help i need, mostly just asking that if they are feeling n* to avoid me, and that I much perferred not hearing stories about v* either. People tend to try their best but like all pre-teens or teens many just didn't understand and thought it was funny.

Anyway what I am trying to get to is that around the age of 17-18 I felt I finally had a group of friends I could truely trust to help me get through every day situations and the more expected things like visits to bars and parties....drinkign age is 18 here. (I should note that I spend a significant part of my years, 2-5 months, working at a summer camp for kids. This means that everyday situations can mean anything from eating in a room full of 300 ppl, eating contests, kids from age 8-18 and just ppl who enjoy gross things)

Anyway I guess what I'm hoping to get out of this post is some feedback on my experiences about whether or not they are similar to other peoples experiences, especially those older than me about. Or just some support I guess.

So many things have happend to make me affraid to trust that group of friends again, the problem is that my family is far from experienced and I still love this people very much. I have found that although I have been there through many things for them such as passing of parents, bad breakups, and molestation, they still seem to think supporting me during a panic attack is stupid and expecially when intoxicated will laugh at my issues, then later appologise and say they will be there for anything.

Some examples of this would be when I had a panic attack after drinking a lot on my 19th birthday, returned home alone and started to panic. When I called 3 off them that lived close none answered, and later they joked about the messages I had left. Haw anyone else every experienced this from friends?

I know that they mean well but I'm not sure how to bring it up with them, that I want to believe that they care but because of my anxiety and previous let downs I find it hard to trust them with anything.

Sorry for the long post, I'm new and thought some background might help explain it better.

[claire43]

Welcome to the site. I hope you find any help and advice you need here.

As for your question I really and truely believe that unless someone is emet they cannot truely understand the terror we experience. No matter how much others would like to be there for you cos they care about you and what you are going through, our panic etc is something they have never experienced and therefore will never totally know how to deal with. Personally speaking, although close family and friends know how much I fear getting sick or others vomiting I prefer to be left alone to deal with it by myself. Of course they know not to be around me if they are ill there is little they can do except perhaps offer a few words of wisdom and comfort. Obviously when Im in full on panic mode they dont get it and therefore cannot really be of much help. My 19 year old daughter has heard me say I think Im going to vomit so often she takes little notice of me and often just says ' you wont be sick you never are!'. This does very little to help but there again I dont expect her to understand the terror Im going through.

Im sorry that you feel your friends are not always there for you when you need them but dont think too badly of them - they just dont have the experience to deal with it.

[olschesky]

welcome to the forum

i've been emet for 50 years so i guess that qualifies me as older .....lol. when mine started i didn't know what it was....just that i felt sick and was scared......i quit going to school....4th grade.....and my parents took me to the dr. who put me in the hospital that ran some pretty scarey tests for a kid and i never missed a day of school again..........jump forward almost 50 years when i finally find out that what i have is emetophobia......what a relief to find this forum and know that i'm not alone or crazy.....

i guess the point i'm getting to is that for all those years.....since the hospital stay.....i have kept it to myself.....totally......until i found this site which gave me the courage and tools to tell my mom...who is 85 now, my husband (under threat of divorce if he ever made fun of me).....i showed them the information section on this forum that explains how we feel about v........more believable when people realize that i'm not the only one that feels this way......strength in numbers they say.

i know it's hard to trust someone with this information and trust that they won't make fun or use it against you.......i guess that's why i kept quiet for all those years too.......i know it's stupid to be scared of v.......but i can't help it right now.....it terrifies me......i've often wished i wouldn't wake up in the morning.....not suicidal though......this is what non emets don't understand........it is terrifying to us.....

so i suppose my advice would be to try again to explain to your friends.....maybe by showing them some posts on this forum....just how horrible this phobia is for you.......and they might respect it more.........also there is a show on 12/31 on discovery health channel called my strange phobia.....one of our memebers here, gaby, is one of the subjects and they show her going through some cbt.....brave girl

i guess i choose not to share.....

again, welcome to the forum and hope you find some comfort here....

[kaiilyn_23]

All my friends know I'm afraid of v* & that it's called emetophobia but they don't understand how truly horrible it is & they don't understand the panic attacks & the fear I live in. They all laugh when I talk about my fear & for the moment, I laugh with them but they just don't understand what I go through, what we go through. I love my friends but I don't feel comfortable talking about this with them since they won't understand you know? None of them suffer from anxiety & neither do their parents so they don't know much about anxiety.

[mdgirl1977]

I am so sorry that your friends have not been more supportive. I have generally kept my emet from people, largely becuase I refused to accept that I was emet until recently. My ex bf and my current best friend are the only people who really know. My family is remarkably unsupportive in general, so I probably won't ever tell them.

It is hard to trust people and to know who you can and can't tell. I am really sorry that your friends made fun of the VM you left after drinking. That is horrible and childish. But - that is more a reflection of their age and immaturity than how they actually feel about you.

I commend you for being able to verbalize your emet and tell people. personally, I find it hard to admit it to anyone and carry the pain and shame on my own. I am trying to learn to talk about it and just joined this group last night as a first step!

olschesky - wow. 50 years? that is a long time to carry this around without knowing what it is. I am so sorry for your experience as a child with being in the hospital and the tests and whatnot. How traumatizing!

[kcr1118]

Thank you all so much. honestly it was just nice to share these moments with people who I knew would understand.
olschesky, I think that is great that you have finally found out what was going on. and thanks for the support.
You guys are all right, and I think I knew it even before I posted. I just needed reassurance that is is just that they are not sure what to do or that they just don't really understand. They have gotten much better since the birthday incident, and so have I.
I'm proud to say I feel much more comfortable at bars (...not clubs, clubs are still too much) and at work this summer. I only hope that the more I read here, the closer I'll get to getting the professional help I know i need, and want....dam that exposure therapy! It's so terifying.