What kind of life is this?

[Leigha]

Hi, my name is Aleigha and i have been suffering with this phobia for as long as i can remember, i am 20 years old and my life has been hell. I have no qualifications because of panic attacks in school and not wanting to leave the house, i find it hard keeping a job because the phobia is literally on my mind 24/7. Just getting on a bus or train and travelling somewhere is very hard for me, when im around people im anxious that somebody is gonna get sick around me or if i'll get sick. I cannot express just how much it controls my life. I gave up the idea of having kids because i dont want to go through morning sickness, i rarely eat out in restaurants or go out on nights out, i dont drink, my life is a mess. Almost every minute of everyday im scared that i'll get sick or someone around me will. I find myself constantly looking at people on the street or bus hoping they arent gonna get sick, if i hear somebody has been sick immediately i try to get away from them. i cannot continue living my life like this, i want to be able to let my hair down and relax sometimes and be happy, sometimes i think the only way out of this is death and believe me ive been tempted but not able to go through with it for many reasons. i really do hope there is some cure out there because this controls me.

[KLCD2006]

Hello,
I am new to this forum as well, and I to suffer from exactly what you described. I am 29 and have lived with this for as long as I can remember, but it has progressively gotten worse over the last 4 years. I have a 2 year old son, and fear every night before I go to bed that "tonight is going to be the night".

I agree it is no way to live, and is the whole reason I have joined this site. I hope to find relief in others stories and maybe treatments that others have used. I to hardly go out in fear that I will catch the stomach flu or get food poisoning. I am constantly thinking during the day that me, my husband, or my kid will catch the flu today. From what everyone is telling me..the bug is in full swing. I cry thinking about it and panic the moment someone mentions it. My husband was called into work (he is a firefighter) late one night due to someone going home sick, and I could not sleep the rest of the night in fear he would catch it at the department and bring it home (which is still a possibility).

Anyway, I wish you luck in your journey to recovery. It is possible, and having a friend commit suicide, I can tell you that this fear is not worth doing that. We can recover, we can live a normal life, and we can move past this horrible horrible phobia! Good luck to you. I wish you the best.

[olschesky]

welcome to the forum. i hope that you find some comfort and relief in here. it's been very helpful for me finding people who totally "get" how i feel.

do you have anyone in your family or a doctor that you can talk to about this? i kept it secret for years mainly because i didn't even know what it was.......but i knew it was messing with my life and keeping me from doing things i wanted and needed to do........i've learned alot in here and although i still have my "bad" days i'm doing pretty well....working, going out with friends occasionally, eating out, etc.

don't give up.....you've got to fight hard to get your life back.......

[Leigha]

Thank you so much to both of you for replying. My family know about my emet, when i was 5 years old i drank a whole bottle of calpol (paracetamol) and was rushed to hospital, they pumped my stomach to get the medicine out and i was violently sick, ever since then i've had this phobia. Sometimes i think what my life would be like if i hadnt have drunk the medicine and if i didnt have this phobia, i have learnt to deal with my phobia a lot better over the years and enjoy my own company a lot of the time, i hate having to pretend im okay when im feeling anxious or scared. Anytime i hear there is a stomach bug going around i try to avoid busy places and a lot of people. I'mplanning on going to my doctor to get some councelling and explain why i find it so hard trying to keep a job etc, This site has really comforted me knowing there are other people with my phobia but also as bad. I wish you all the best too.

[mollyw.]

I just read your post and wanted to say hi I will be 39 soon and have had this as far back as I can remember. I cant put into words what a revealation it was to find this site and realize others had this. I understand too thinking sometimes that living like this isnt worth it. Theres a couple things I do that help some-maybe they might help you. Do you ever remember a time or place where you felt really pretty safe, or free from worry? Like for me its summertime, or my favorite chair in my room with a really good book or movie that takes my mind somewhere else for a while. Sometimes, when I'm having a really bad day, I keep in my mind, "If I just get through this I can get home to my safe place." As an emet I know technically there arent "safe places", but some days its something to hang onto. I know the phobia is literally constant, but if even for a few hours you can get your mind somewhere else, sometimes your brain gets enough of a break to keep hanging on.
Sometimes too, funny enough, I get angry. Just sick to death of this phobia stealing every minute of peace and joy from me. It's like "Enough!!!" I see "normal" people out there and I SOOO long to be like them. I dont get mad at myself, but at the phobia, and I just kinda go," For one dang day I am NOT tolerating you! I'm gonna live like everybody else and you better back off!!" I know it sounds really stupid and it doesnt happen alot, but when it does, it helps. Hang in there, there has got to be a way through this.

[joshir34]

Hi Aleigha,

Welcome to the forum..
Let me quickly narrate my story to you, hope you feel better after reading it -

I was born in India and since age 4 have this phobia, amd i am 27 now. My parents fought, there always used to be tension at home. Yet i never gave up my studies, fought through the tough times, and graduated in 2005 with a degree in computer science. I started working in an IT company and completed my MS in Information Technology as well. Finally I migrated to Singapore and im working here with a big telecom company.

I just want to say that i FULLY understand the constant anxiety, panic attacks and fear. But i also feel humbled towards life in general. Like you i enjoy my own company, rarely go out to eat, and have a very limited friend circle back home. But even then I look positively at life because this phobia also taught me so many things. It taught me to understand the level of probs people go thtough, it made me take notice of people with probs much severe than emet. If they can survive, then so can I and you and everyone of us There are similar webdites for people suffering from cancer. There are gut wrenching stories of people battled cancer, some lost, some won

Crux of the matter is, dont let this phobia stop you in any way. You stand up, devise your own techniques to combat it, and it would be okay, trust me

My apologies indeed for the long post, im just trying to extend as much help possible as i could.

All the best,
RJ

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

Hi, welcome. Emetophobia is absolutely treatable. You do not have to live with this fear.
Like all phobias, it's a learned behaviour. It isn't something you caught, like the flu, or developed, like diabetes. So, if you learned to be terrified of vomiting, you can change how you think and behave so that emetophobia stops ruling your life. It's not rocket science. It's simple, but not easy. That's the rub.

[easty-b]

Hi, sounds like that calpol incident and going to have your stomach pumped at the age of 5 was a major trauma. Because you got violently sick you now associate sickness with that particular trauma. I'm not a psychologist but what's really helped in my case is tracing back to my earliest memories of sickness to try and see what might be causing the fear now. There's some good stuff on Sage's website about therapeutic techniques that help de-sensitize you to the trauma. I think it would definitely be worth having a look.
All the best.

[Leigha]

Thank you all for your comments. It helps so very much to know that there are people out there going through the same thing as me. i am planning on going to the doctors about it and getting some therapy, before i didnt bother because i didnt think it would work but i guess i aint losing nothing by giving it a go. The one thing/person that gets me through every day is God, i pray and ask for strength to get through it and he always comes through. I wish you all the best and hope you find some sort of peace and way to deal with it all.

[freedomfighter]

leigha i felt like i had written your first post this is word perfect my life to the letter i am 24 i think we live identical lives!

[musicXfashionXsugar]

I'm 20 too and I felt like I was reading my own post as I read your first one. My friends are starting to have kids and I'm just like...I can't do this. The thought of morning sickness is like death. When a phobia starts to take over not only your life, but your future too it's time to put it in check. I'm determined to. I definitely have my weak moments, but I refuse to let it rob me of a great future. Here's to us all beating this thing.

[Pedworgan]

hi Leigha, i am only 17 but i had a severe anxiety disorder about 7 years ago, i was a massive hyperchondriac, barely ate and was scarily thin, i had panick attacks, would not go in the car through fear of travel sickness(even though i have literally never been travel sick), often thought i was dying, and called an ambulance once. I was reffered to a nutritionist and another specialist for my anxiety. I understand what you are going through. It was the toughest period of my life to date, i had no control, noone seemed to understand me. My recovery was largely down to major changes in my circumstances, i moved house, had a baby brother born and started secondary school all in a short time period. I am a different person, i still am a bit panicky if my emet is triggered( if i think i will be sick, or if someone else around memhas or might be), but this is very rare. I would highly recommend seeing someone, it is very much controllable even curable, do not give up, please seek good help and tell me how you are getting on. If you need someone to talk to this website is very good and i am happy to help too.