I'm at my breaking point now

[TEB07]

Hello, I'm new to the forums and I guess the first thing I should do is to give myself a proper introduction. I don't really know when my fear of vomiting began, but I know I've been struggling with it for many years now. I would say it has taken full control over my life and I wouldn't be telling you the truth if I said it was only a minor problem or a small fear, it's in fact a phobia.

I'm a 22 year year old male. I'm 5' 11" and weigh around 128 pounds, which I like to say is very embarrassing. It's hard for me to gain weight and maintain it because of my fear of vomiting. At the moment, I don't eat a lot of meat products out of fear of getting food poison, which would result with me puking for many days. I also don't eat a lot of vegetables, because I'm scared it's going to be contaminated with bacteria or ecoli. I have what I call my "safe foods", which is mainly pasta dishes and I eat those about once or twice a day. I try to only eat foods that are hard to get sick from honestly, even though I know it's possible to get sick from any kind of food.

Going grocery shopping is hard for me, because I always see a bunch of food that I would love to eat, but I always end up coming out of the store with the same meals. I have to check dates on everything that I buy, I will not grab food from the front of the shelf out of fear of it being left out to spoil and being put back, and I will not buy food that's going to spoil in a week. I also won't eat food that has been in my fridge for more than four days. Eating is a mission for me each day, and my life time dream would be to gain weight and put food in my mouth without being scared it's going to make me sick.

When it comes to touching things, that's even harder. I don't think I've put my hands in my mouth in many years. I try to avoid touching door handles or most of anything in public out of fear of catching a sickness that's going to make me vomit. When I go places with my family or my girlfriend, I ask them to use their sleeves to open doors and whatnot, and they get very frustrated with me and often slip up. Of course, that leaves me feeling frustrated and like they're...contaminated.

And my worst enemy is...the stomach flu (other than food poisoning). I try to avoid leaving my house in the colder seasons, especially going to public places where a lot of people go, such as to the grocery store, hospitals, daycares, etc. It's funny, because I'm a full-time college student, where the stomach flu happens to go around very quickly and often during the fall and winter. I feel like I can't be too close to anybody or even touch anything while on campus. All winter, I think about getting the stomach flu and worry about it from the day I wake up, to the day I go to sleep, even if I don't leave my house that day.

Honestly, if I could, I would wear gloves and have everybody in my family wear them too, but of course that's unrealistic. My family doesn't take this phobia of mine seriously and say to me often, "It's all in your head, just eat." They even often offer me food I won't go near. While I know "it's all in my head", just telling myself that doesn't make it possible for me to all of the things I mentioned above. I don't even know where to begin looking for help. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be cursed with this phobia of vomiting until the day I day, which would just be a nightmare.

Like I said before, I just want to eat FOOD! I want to not worry about food poisoning or stress out about the stomach flu. I actually want to touch things even though I know they're not always completely clean. And the weird thing about this is, I'm fine once I puke, but it's the way I feel before I puke is what scares me the most.

I just want to be free!

[olschesky]

welcome to the forum......sounds like you are in a really low spot right now.....i've been there myself.......

if you could keep reminding yourself that keeping your hands away from your face, which you say is something you practice, and keep them washed (not obsessively though) then you are doing the best that can be done for avoiding the stomach virus.

i tend to eat the same foods everyday.....i cook regular meals for my husband......but i seriously eat the same thing everyday......but mine is more for weight loss than because of my emet.......i can go out to eat most times, but i'm still picky about what i order. i stopped eating meat several years ago......it's just not good for you....so there are plenty of other things that can replace that protein that are healthier and safer.

are you on any meds? or have you been to any therapy? i know that prozac has helped me immensley in dealing with obsessive part of my emet. i still have bad days......but the are few and far between which for me is a great victory. i've also got lots of good distractions to get me through the anxious feelings most times.

i hope you find some good tools here to help you deal with this stupid phobia.........it sucks, we know it so let's do something to run it off

[TEB07]

welcome to the forum......sounds like you are in a really low spot right now.....i've been there myself.......

if you could keep reminding yourself that keeping your hands away from your face, which you say is something you practice, and keep them washed (not obsessively though) then you are doing the best that can be done for avoiding the stomach virus.

i tend to eat the same foods everyday.....i cook regular meals for my husband......but i seriously eat the same thing everyday......but mine is more for weight loss than because of my emet.......i can go out to eat most times, but i'm still picky about what i order. i stopped eating meat several years ago......it's just not good for you....so there are plenty of other things that can replace that protein that are healthier and safer.

are you on any meds? or have you been to any therapy? i know that prozac has helped me immensley in dealing with obsessive part of my emet. i still have bad days......but the are few and far between which for me is a great victory. i've also got lots of good distractions to get me through the anxious feelings most times.

i hope you find some good tools here to help you deal with this stupid phobia.........it sucks, we know it so let's do something to run it off

Sometimes I don't even want to touch my food or put my hands near my face even after washing my hands, because I heard regular soap doesn't kill the stomach flue virus. I usually won't eat the part of food that I touch also.

I actually want to eat meat, but the thought of it makes me feel sick. Ha Ha I've tried getting protein from other sources such as different kinds of nuts. They don't really do much good for me, since it's not enough and I don't eat enough of them. There are some restaurants I go to often that I feel are "safe", but I worry about them sometimes. I have my off days where I won't eat at these places at all.

I'm not currently on any medication. I've been to therapy for depression before, which wasn't for emetophobia. I struggle with a social phobia and OCD besides emet. I brought my fear of V up to my therapist many times, but she never really touched on the subject with me, I'm assuming she didn't think it was that big of a problem even though I brought it up to her almost every visit. Although, she was great with helping me with my other problems.