Q for you: Fear or Phobia?

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

After being completely debilitated with emetophobia for years and it affecting every single area of my life, it was a complete shock to me to learn that "normal" people get anxious and scared when they're going to vomit too! The key difference between them and me was that they only felt this way when vomiting was imminent, whereas I was terrified 24/7 when I was otherwise perfectly healthy.

So this got me wondering - how many people on this board have an actual vomiting PHOBIA - meaning, it interferes with your quality of life. And how many have a FEAR of vomiting. Meaning, you hate it, never want to do it, but you're still able to work, socialize, eat, take medication that might cause nausea when you have to, etc etc etc. In other words, it doesn't interfere with every area of your life.

My emetophobia was so severe, I became agoraphobic because of it and I literally stopped eating, to the point where I was misdiagnosed as anorexic because I was skin and bones.

So do you have a phobia or a fear?

[Rebecca85]

I have a fear of vomiting myself, but a phobia of others vomiting. I can't go out drinking any more (since I am not allowed to drink myself, I am too anxious). I can't go on or near fairground rides. I manage on planes, and buses, and trains (thanks to my boyfriend and my ipod), but I will never go on a boat again! And I'm afraid I even run away from my baby niece when she's ill (I can't even look after her by myself, I need someone nearby just in case).

[hairyfairy]

I have to wonder if my anxiety is just fear, or a phobia, because while I`m scared of vting, it does`nt stop me doing what I want to, & I would take medicine with a risk of nausea if I really needed it, but I would keep the anti-emets handy

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

I have a fear of vomiting myself, but a phobia of others vomiting. I can't go out drinking any more (since I am not allowed to drink myself, I am too anxious). I can't go on or near fairground rides. I manage on planes, and buses, and trains (thanks to my boyfriend and my ipod), but I will never go on a boat again! And I'm afraid I even run away from my baby niece when she's ill (I can't even look after her by myself, I need someone nearby just in case).

That's interesting. I could care less if others vomit, as long as I know it's not something I might catch.... I can even be with them and take care of them then.

So what is it about others vomiting that terrifies you more than you yourself vomiting. Do you know?

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

I have to wonder if my anxiety is just fear, or a phobia, because while I`m scared of vting, it does`nt stop me doing what I want to, & I would take medicine with a risk of nausea if I really needed it, but I would keep the anti-emets handy

At the worst of my emetophobia, I refused to take antibiotics even though obviously I needed them - my doctor couldn't say anything to convince me.. I would rather risk whatever the infection was going to do, than possibly vomit. How crazy is that?

[Rebecca85]

I think it comes down to a few things. One is control. I can control where and when I vomit. Even when I had noro, I made it to the bathroom. I can vomit extremely neatly! I hate feeling out of control, and if I'm trapped in a situation where someone is vomiting, I can't stop them, I can't leave, so I freak (and often end up self harming). If I can leave, I often choose to stay and deal. Go figure!

Second, for years I believed that everyone had the same degree of control and chose not to use it, as my mum told me when I asked why my older brother kept vomiting on the floor, that he knew he felt ill, but didn't like to talk about it. So I took it extremely personally when my brother vomited, I honestly thought he did it on purpose to annoy me (remember, this is when I was young, and it became an automatic thought for me). It wasn't until my boyfriend was horrendously ill with food poisoning just a few months ago that I learned that's not true. I think my mum was trying to help by reassuring me he wouldn't just v on me with no warning, but it backfired! Thirdly, there is an element of being scared that others vomiting will cause me to, and I'll lose control. And that's the moment when I fear vomiting myself- when I feel like it will happen.

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

I think it comes down to a few things. One is control. I can control where and when I vomit. Even when I had noro, I made it to the bathroom. I can vomit extremely neatly!

Even though the only times I have vomited, I made it to the bathroom because I was home, part of my fear is NOT being able to control it.... not being able to vomit "neatly" lol I like it described like that.

[asianeko]

Mine used to be a phobia. I was terrified of leaving my house at one point, and I couldn't sleep because my boyfriend had gotten sick beside me in bed twice.

With some hypnotherapy and the support of my boyfriend and my parents, I now consider it a mild fear. I still haven't seen it happen in real life since that therapy, so I'm not sure what my gut reaction would be, but emetophobia is almost erased from my life in all other aspects.

[kaiilyn_23]

For me it's phobia of vomiting and fear of seeing other people v*. For me it's actually worse to hear it as opposed to seeing it, I don't know why!

[Andrilla]

Mine was probably a fear when I was younger, it is a phobia now, and I'm working on bringing it back down to a fear, or possibly go away entirely. It used to only scare me when I was currently feeling sick, or when someone near me was feeling sick. Then it grew to a constant worry, I wasn't eating right, I was loosing sleep, I was terrified to go to class because IT could be on the sidewalk (@#$!% collage town!). Now I'm mostly able to deal with it unless I feel off or someone around me feels off. The instant response is still there, but I'm learning how to ease that anxiety so that it is manageable. (but today the kid I work with told me that he felt like he was going to throw up, it took me forever to relax.)

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

Mine used to be a phobia. I was terrified of leaving my house at one point, and I couldn't sleep because my boyfriend had gotten sick beside me in bed twice.

With some hypnotherapy and the support of my boyfriend and my parents, I now consider it a mild fear. I still haven't seen it happen in real life since that therapy, so I'm not sure what my gut reaction would be, but emetophobia is almost erased from my life in all other aspects.

I think if you've gone from full-blown phobia to a mild fear, you're recovered. You're right though, you'll know just how recovered you are (or not) when it happens. That's always the real test.

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

Now I'm mostly able to deal with it unless I feel off or someone around me feels off. The instant response is still there, but I'm learning how to ease that anxiety so that it is manageable.

This is HUGE. If you can do this, you're well on your way to a full recovery. Just keep it up, don't let the fear and old habits overwhelm you and take over again.

[Lieke]

interesting topic.

Since my v* experience last week, i realize it definitely is a control thing and about where i get sick. The moment i said to myself, ok, I am feeling horrible, I am going to let it out, I am prepared in my bathroom, and safe, i make this choice MYSELF; i calmed down completely!

When i need to go somewhere, thats when i get anxious. It's very tempting to just stay at home, but I try to not give in to that and force myself to go places. even if that means i have to bring gravol and plastic bags. i guess my fear of vomit is more a fear of getting anxious, which somehow translates as thinking i have to vomit? but when i get a tummy ache, the fear of vomit is VERY real. ugh, i don't know....

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

Lieke, while there may be other reasons people are terrified of vomiting, I think the control thing is the one thing we all have in common. Myself, even now that I consider myself recovered, I still don't want to do it, but if it happens, I want to be able to control where, who's with me, etc. Fear of the unknown is huge for me. And in my mind, vomiting is "the unknown". When is it going to happen? For what reason? Where will I be? Who will be with me? How much am I going to vomit? How many times? etc etc etc

I need to be able to, within reason, predict things. Vomiting is unpredictable. In my mind, anyway.

[Rebecca85]

Which probably explains why I am not phobic about myself. I mean, in my conscious memory (20+ years) I have v'ed many many times, but I have only v'ed inappropriately 3 times, and each time there were extenuating circumstances (not able to climb out of my bunkbed myself, being too weak to get to the bathroom, and no bathroom available). I am pretty confident in my ability to control myself. (meaning not if I v, but when and where)

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

Rebecca, just curious.. when you were litle, did you ever get in trouble for not vomiting "appropriately" ?

[Kristen11]

Phobia of me doing it. And I could careless if someone els did, unless it was on my head or something lol.

[Elski]

I don't really know, Butterflies.... From the definitions you've given above, I'd say mine sits on the borderline. I still go out, I go to work, I eat in restaurants (albeit only vegetarian food because I don't 'trust' meat when I can't see it being stored/prepared), take medication, drink alcohol etc so it doesn't impact on my life in that way. BUT I feel it does affect my quality of life because it occupies my thoughts a lot of the time and I continually worry about it, which is exhausting mentally.

Having said that though, I am definitely improving so hopefully it'll go from borderline phobia to mild fear over the course of my recovery, although who knows how long that will take.

[Rebecca85]

Butterflies- not that I remember. Though my dad does not like other people vomiting. My earliest memory of vomiting, I was maybe 3 years old and I was sitting on my mum's knee because I didn't feel very well. Then suddenly I heard my dad say something like 'quick, in here' and passed the waste bin to my mum and I promptly vomited into it. Afterwards they laid me down for a nap, and I remember lying there, and feeling funny again, so I got the bin myself and vomited again. So whether I got something from that, maybe I thought my dad would be cross if it went on the floor, or maybe I thought he was pleased that I used the bin? I don't know.

But I have always been adamant about where and when I vomit! Like, in my mind, everyone else is emet like me, and if I vomited in front of them they would be horrible to me, and next time someone vomited in front of me, and I panicked, everyone would say I deserved it because I did it to them!

(two kind of graphic stories coming up) So even when I was in hospital I was poorly, and I had an emesis bowl, and I couldn't use it in front of people (I mean that literally, I was gagging and retching but nothing came up) I had to turn round in bed and face the wall before I could vomit! Even though almost every single person in my bay had vomited in front of me at some point, I just couldn't.

When I had noro, my parents (sadists!) ordered a Chinese takeaway. My dad got his and unwrapped it and the smell was just too much for me. Even though I was lying on the sofa with a bucket next to me, I got up and used the upstairs bathroom because I didn't want to put my dad off his tea!

[Mecca]

I would say that I have a fear. I've realized that my aversion to vomiting does not control every aspect of my life as it does with most phobics and that If absolutely necessary, I would let myself vomit. I would even go so far to say that I have more of a phobia of the nausea (true "you're about to puke" type of nausea) than the actual vomiting.

[crd08]

I think about this all the time. The difference between a fear and a phobia.
I fear spiders, but I don't think about them 24/7. I don't plan my life on how to avoid them or anything. I don't stay up all night coming up with plans and crazy scenerios that will never happen involving spiders.
Also my phobia causes me to fear things within it. I don't have a phobia of flying, but I fear it because of my emet.

There are times where my emet has gone down to just a borderline, that's when I was happiest. I aim for that, and hopefully lower!

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

One huge mistake made early on in my recovery is that I believed in order to be recovered, I never had to fear vomiting at all. I thought that I had to be perfectly okay with it... similar to having a regular bowel movement. Feel the need, go, done. No drama.

Then I started to talk (interrogate lol) people who do not have emetophobia. And I found out, like what you said CRDO, that they didn't plan their life around "am I going to vomit today?" They didn't give themselves panic attacks every day with "what ifs..."

BUT they DID feel scared, anxious, pounding heart, not want to do it... when vomiting was a very REAL possibility. Literally just before it would happen. And then they'd vomit and be fine afterwards and get on with life... whereas if it happened to me, even though immediately after I would feel better, I would be too terrified to get on with life for at least a good week "just in case" it happened again.

So I think we have to keep in mind, when judging whether or not we (still) have a phobia, is that a certain level of fear and aversion to it is normal. Nobody likes to vomit, nobody wants to vomit. But the people who don't have a crazy obsession with it don't make it the center of their universe like we do.

[MPMRobin]

I also went through a phase where I became anorexic (different to anorexia nervosa, which is about weight) because I believed it would stop me being sick. I think that, and the fact that I have had a painc attack after someone has been sick in front of me, and I cried when I found out my sister had the norovirus this morning (I felt perfectly fine) is enough to prove to myself this is more than just a dislike of being sick. Of course no one likes it, and everyone might feel a bit sick if someone is sick in front of them, but emet is a lot more than that, and I think it is reasonably obvious where it crosses the line. A normal person feels sick when they're ill, or they've eaten something bad, or someone is sick in front of them. Someone with emet feels sick if they hear someone has the virus, or they believe they might possibly have eaten something bad, and if someone is sick in front of them they don't just feel sick, they immediately believe they will be sick because of it. Of course everyone varies, and some people's phobia is more severe than others, but I think it is reasonably clear if someone has emet.

[Rebecca85]

I think it is more of a sliding scale to be honest. I once witnessed a young boy have a panic attack because he was feeling ill and was on the verge of v'ing. He was dripping with sweat, hyperventilating, shaking etc. He couldn't even talk to me because he was in such a state. That's not a normal response to being ill. But I wouldn't class him as emet because he only got like that when he was ill, he never showed any anxiety before or after.

[crystalmom]

I dunno how to classify myself at this point either.

Years ago, it was full blown PHOBIA. Didn't leave the house, didn't eat, barely slept. i also didn't have kids, and I was not afraid of catching it from the outside world, necessarily, but just that I MIGHT.

Now, I still have moments of panic, anxiety. I take prescription meds for it. This time of year is always harder for me than summer, and I will "freak out" when I see that others are ill on facebook or something. I still go about my day. I don't have a choice. Hubby is in the oilfield (yeah, Albertan here), so I am home alone for the mojority of my time, with two kids who have to eat, have to get to school and lessons, I still have to get to banks to deposit cheques. I just don't have the option of staying home. I will admit though, I would like to. Kids go to school, I can't stop that. I am not a home-schooling kind of mom.

I would still characterize myself as a phobia ridden person though. It is in my thoughts everyday. I am scared of heights, but I don't think about it alot. I even plan to zip-line while in Punta Cana in April.

Interesting point of discussion though. I like it!