Hi. I'm new here. I googled and found this site because my phobia has been worsening over the winter and the panic attacks have been more frequent. Then today happened... sigh.

My best friend and business partner has been sober for 90 days. Part of the reason I think we're friends is because I'm pretty grounding for her, as I don't drink much. Anyway... this past weekend, she fell off the wagon. Another friend of ours called me and asked if I could come over to watch her kids while we both figured out where to take our friend to dry out.

During this, our friend was sobering up... she was upset, but lucid. She understood why we were getting her help and agreed to our plan - which was for her brother in law to take the kids to his house and for me to drive her to the detox place. Something about seeing the kids being taken out of their house triggered her, because in the following 5 minutes she managed to down something while our backs were turned, and by the time we were in the car, she was slurring and out of her mind.

The detox center was 10 minutes away and I couldn't get there fast enough. But by the time I did, she was completely slumped over and moaning. AAAH! I jumped out of the car and ran in to get someone to help bring her inside. A guy from the center came outside and talked to her through the car window. She refused to get out and wouldn't answer his questions. Then he told me he couldn't admit her in this state and I'd have to take her to an ER. He went back inside and she laid down across my car seats. I stayed out of the car, totally panicking. There was NO way I could get back in the car with her. I had this thought that she may have taken a bunch of pills in addition to the vodka I smelled on her and was possibly OD'ing in my car and I STILL couldn't help her!!! The panic attack was so bad, I could barely dial the phone for help.

So instead of driving her straight to an ER, I called a bunch of our friends and eventually got one who was willing to meet me at my car and take her to the hospital. He's still with her waiting to be admitted (at least 8 hours later). Her blood levels were non-lethal and they're refusing to give her a bed. And now that I know that she's basically OK, just drunk, I should just say it's OK for her to come to my house and sleep it off and take her back to the detox place in the AM. But. I. Can't.

Because I don't want to see or hear her v*ing.

I feel like an awful human being.

This thing sucks.