So Much Triumph, Plus a Little Pitfall

[Andrilla]

Yeah, I'm still not cured, but I am getting much better. Sorry for the length, it has been a long week full of things that would have terrified me.

On Monday, or was it Tuesday, I took my kid to the bathroom during the bathroom break at school. (by "my kid" I mean the kid that I work with.) Three kids came out saying that another kid had thrown up in the bathroom. They gave reports on how he had gotten all of it in the toilet, there wasn't a mess, and that he was done now. My first thought "Oh! Poor kiddo, I hope he feels better soon!" and I had VERY little worries that I would catch it, or that he would come out and throw up in the hallway. I just hoped that he felt better and watched him walk down the hall. I did not get the least bit worried. My kid just complained of the smell, can't say I blame him. I couldn't smell it, thankfully, bit I can't imagine it smelled good.

Yesterday, several kids were absent, possibly with the same illness. I didn't feel good. I hadn't slept well the night before, the same way I had when I was sick as a kid. I had no interest in food the next morning, but I was hungry for lunch. I had my peanut butter sandwich, and my lemonade, which tasted GREAT, but left me with great stomach pain. I recently had issues with reflux, and lemonade is NOT on my approved list, so it very easily could have been reflux issues, or it could have been illness. The world will never know. Alexis and I both went to the nurse. She had been sick the night before and still wasn't feeling good and I wanted to know if they had pepto since I was out (they didn't). The two of us hung out at recess, being wimpy and sitting on the curb. I watched my kid play at a distance, sitting down with Alexis leaning on me. I was having anxiety issues, sure, but I had to tone down many of my not-so-great coping techniques (like inflicting slight pain..."Miss Moran, why are you scratching your leg with the key?" "Because it is itchy and I can't reach the itch through my pants with just my fingers" have to be more subtle...)

Today, a kid threw up during after-lunch recess. (this one could be graphic-ish)There were a couple spots, he didn't have much to eat, mostly just water, so there wasn't even much there. It didn't bother me. I didn't care about it, the image didn't burn its self into my memory. I didn't find it scary, I didn't even find it gross looking, it was just there. My only thoughts about it was
"oh, he got XXX for lunch....he needs to chew more." Second recess though, my sweet Alexis wanted to look at it. She and a friend were standing (in some of it! although that part had mostly evaporated, you could see the outline!), staring at where the kid had thrown up into a snow-melt puddle on the playground. I just followed my kid over to where he was climbing and ignored them. Let them look at it for all I care!(not like when I freaked out at my boyfriend for walking towards some two weeks ago, but I'm also not planning on sharing a bed with the kids the way I am with my boyfriend.) Then Alexis came over. She wanted to sit next to me and lean on me the same way she had when she hadn't felt well yesterday. HELL NO! It is one thing to feel like you might get sick, it is a completely different thing to stand there examining vomit (while standing IN some of it!) Maybe if I were more cured I would have let her, but...maybe not then. I didn't mind later when she put her fingers in my cheek to show me how cold her hands were (little ice cubes, by the way!)

Oh, and another kid from my class went to the nurse during special with a tummy ache, got sent back, ate a little of his food at lunch, and started crying. This kid is NOT one that cries, even when he is hurt. He went home after that. My only concern is that he feels better tomorrow. All through school, even with all of this happening, I was fine, at least until I got home, but that was un-related to the issues at school.

So I have made a lot of progress in dealing with sick kids. I no longer view lunch time as "loading up the vomit machines" the way I did when I started. I did have a freak out tonight, I ate too much rice, which sort of expanded in the tummy. So that was a bit of a pitfall, but considering all the things that happened this week, how much vomit there was all around me, it is understandable that I freaked out over an over-full stomach more than I usually would have. The school nurse even talked about a nasty stomach bug that was going around (I was tempted to ask her if there is ever a time when a stomach bug is NOT going around, but I think I know the answer) I got worried that maybe I hadn't been sick yesterday, but I was sick today even though my tummy had been upset yesterday and hadn't had a single problem today until after I ate too much. Still, if this whole scenario, the sick kids, word from the school nurse that a bug was going around, and then me feeling overly full, had happened a month ago, I would have freaked out MUCH worse.

All in all, I'd say that I am greatly improving with my fear of others getting sick and my fear that I will catch it from them. It isn't like I was putting Alexis' hands in my mouth, she was leaning on my shoulder. I didn't even get worried when later she touched my cheek to show me how cold her fingers were (like little ice cubes!). I still need to work on handling myself when I have symptoms, but that will come with more time and more work.

[Andrilla]

Woah...sorry for the super-long post! These incidents were all small, but the fact that I was able to handle them one after another, after another, after another was what made it a triumph for me. But still, no cuddling up to me after you spent ten minutes staring at V on the ground! (I don't consider that one a pit fall, just avoiding a gross situation)

[KaydeeJayde]

Ohhh, well done! That's awesome! Congratulations! It sounds like you've made a HUGE improvement! You should be so proud of yourself.