Hi All,
Well I'm relatively new here, although I've been reading posts for awhile. I just joined a few days ago. So I'm a 41 year old emet, who has been this way since I was 16 years old. Over the years the severity of my phobia has gone through bad times and not so bad times....needless to say, I'm in one of those bad times right now. I'm writing now because last Wednesday (9 days ago) my husband came home from work (he works in the evenings) saying " don't freak out but I'm not feeling well. I v* 2 times tonight, I ate something bad"...of course that was enough to send me into full fledged panic! So ever since then my stomach has been a mess worrying that it wasn't something he ate, but a sv*. I haven't eaten much except for the last couple of days and I've had serious acid coming up in my throat and pains in my stomach. I was having a pretty good day today and now that it's night time, the acid and pain has come back again and once agina, I'm sure I won't sleep....I'm so tired both physically and mentally. I just want it to stop...In my mind I think, well if it was a sv* I surely would have had it by now. I often realize during the course of the day that I'm tensing my stomach...could this be causing the pain and acid? I just don't know and I'm just so tired and feel so all alone. The second part of this story is related to the alone feeling. I know alot of us feel very alone in this. When I was 16 and this phobia started along with the panic, my mom was the most supportive mother anyone could ask for. She would get up with me and walk around the block and help me concentrate on breathing etc, no matter how tired she was or what was going on with her. My mom died 10 months ago (6 months and 5 days after my father died) and this is the first really bad full blown panic about v* since she died....so I feel especially alone right now...I can't call her on the phone or see her. I tried talking to my sister, and she was as helpful as she could be, but it's just not the same. Anyway, I just needed to get this out and let you all know that this forum has been a great comfort to me, especially in the last nine days, as I sit awake at all hours of the night. Thanks for listening.