Well, the Zoloft kicked in after a couple of months, and I decided to step outside my comfort zone. I visited my sister in Nashville: we went to see a dance show, ate at like five different restaurants, and I even went to school with her and met her students (she teaches high school English). I had a GREAT time, and felt really good the whole time. Two weeks later, I went back to visit her. We had a costume party at her house, ate out at restaurants again, and went shopping for hours. More great times. I was really feeling good.

Tonight I went to my evening class (Film Adaptations). I love this class, and the man who teaches it is my favorite professor. I was 5 minutes late. Now, there was NO indication that he was upset with me. I've always done well in his classes. But my crazy mind started to worry that he was disappointed that I was late. We started watching a film, and I felt really sad. Then, I started to worry about feeling sad. Then I started to feel nauseated. Then I panicked. I held off as long as I could, but I was terrified that I was going to be sick in class. I tapped him on the shoulder, told him I had a migraine (I know, I lied, but I don't want him to think I'm nuts), and left class early. I feel embarrassed and cowardly. I wanted to stick it out, but I let my fear take over. I couldn't talk myself down. I don't know how to make myself relax. I sent him an e-mail and apologized for leaving. He's very, very nice.

Has anyone else had setbacks like this when you were doing well? How do you talk yourself out of panicking? I took half of a Klonopin, but it didn't help, because the panic had already set in, I think. Boo. I just want to be normal, and do normal-people things like sit through a graduate level class with only six students. You know? Thanks for listening.