I feel like I am losing my mind :(

[BenBHartnett]

Hi all.

I have been trying extremely hard to get over this annoying fear. I posted a topic here:

http://www.emetophobia.org/showthread.php?t=31097

Please read it to see what I am referring to. I just don't know what to do. I've been doing quite well at overcoming the irrational thoughts. However, that one incident in my topic really has made my days really hard. I am extremely afraid to touch my shoes now. I place my shoes in a shoe basket and the bottom of the shoe touches the other shoes. The idea of washing my hands does not make the thoughts go away. I am starting to feel sick over worrying about this. On top of this worry I suffer from Schizophrenia which makes it even harder (my fear is actually from the disorder itself). I take an anti-psychotic which helps with the Schizophrenia. It helps a little bit with the fear of v*. I just don't know what to do. I feel extremely anxious and full of fear. I am counting down the incubation period of when I think I might v*. Ugg

[orton99]

I know where you're coming from as last Thursday I went into work early and noticed a splash of soapy water on the ground outside the railway station that is next to my office. Of course, I assumed it was a cleaner who'd been washing up a pool of...you know...so avoided it. However, while going home I forgot and walked right across where the water had been...argghhh!

So yes, I was a bit tense for a few days but am calmer now. Firstly, I reasoned that it could well be due to a careless window cleaner, cleaning the plate glass doors of the station early in the morning. Next, it actually did look thinking about it like someone had just spilt some soapy water, with no visible scrubbing marks, which it would have looked like if... Then there are a few pubs near the station, so even if it was...you know...alcohol and not illness related is the most likely!

Finally, I've been doing quite well recently with cutting out some of the obsessive behaviour and want more of the good feeling it's giving me, so some of that is spilling over into this worry in that I've cut my hand washing to just once after tying my shoes/before eating anything...and I feel okay. Nothing bad's happened yet! Best of all, although I'm not completely clear of it, I'm starting to ignore the torturous logic of all this anxiety and simply saying to myself "It was okay, just forget it!" when I think of it instead of getting caught in these awful logical vicious circles, which is a game you'll never win.

You said you'd been doing well recently, so I'd suggest you focus on that and so give yourself a reason to feel cheerful about how well you're doing rather than dwell on what you think you're not doing so well. No one's ever going to overcome this phobia in one fell swoop, so don't beat yourself up that some parts of it are still there, think about the behaviours that you're now not doing any more!

[BenBHartnett]

Thanks for your reply! That was great advice! I'm going to not beat myself up. I can't control whether I will v* or not. But I can control my reaction towards things. It's extremely hard when it's the unknown such as that spill. I don't know what it was. That is what is making me extremely anxious. The what if questions. You know?